Sins of the Past
by Pandaboo704
Summary: A girl from Mike Stoker's past appears ten years after the last time he saw her. She presents a different picture of the Mike they all know today. What happened with them when they were young? When she begins causing problems at the station, why does Mike feel he needs to protect her? Mention of an attempted rape, but no depiction of violence.
1. Chapter 1

The United States Flag and the flag for the state of North Carolina flapped in the wind. Ashley listened as the rope used to raise and lower them hit the metal flagpole making a tinging sound. Fire Chief Jack Danbury and Fire Station 29 Captain Charles Haggerty came into the office. The Chief taking a seat behind the desk where Ashley stood at attention, Captain Haggerty took a seat on the couch along the sidewall under the open window.

Ashley stood stick straight never dropping from the stand of attention, she had never been given the "at ease" command. Even if she had, she would never truly be at ease with the men in this room. Chief Danbury opened the file on his desk and began to outline his offer to Ashley James, the first female fire fighter he had ever had under his command. Women had been involved in the fire service in a very small degree for many decades, but this was the first one he had ever directly worked with, and the first one that had not been part of an all-female station, at least in this division. The change had not gone well.

"I think this sounds like a win-win for all the parties involved don't you?" Chief Danbury asked.

She was being given a shot at a portion of her dream, but she knew what this really was and couldn't help saying it, "Better than poor publicity for the department with claims of sexual harassment, retaliation and attempted rape; and an all-expense paid leave for me, is that the win-win of this offer?"

"Why you little…" Captain Haggerty began to rise from the couch where he sat; Ashley met his eyes refusing to flinch.

"Enough," Chief Danbury interrupted before this meeting could result in an even tougher predicament for the Fire Department. "I am giving you six months, with full salary and benefits and all expenses paid to travel to California to learn all about the Los Angeles County Paramedic program. Given the fact you were a nurse in California before you came here to the fire academy, your license is still valid so we have even arranged for you to work with a paramedic unit, in a fire station. This should give you all the information you need to draft a proposal for the North Carolina Legislature to get approval for a paramedic program of our own. Don't you want a paramedic program here?"

"You and I both know you are hoping I never come back," Ashley met the gaze of the Fire Chief. She had really liked him at first, honestly believing he was open-minded enough to accept a female fire fighter, even be an ally in the process. Those hopes were now dashed; crushed by the events of the last two weeks.

"I am hoping you find what you are searching for," The Fire Chief looked at the young female. She was smart, and actually very good; but she was borderline reckless and out to prove something, just what that was he wasn't sure. "Of course, you have the option of moving forward with an investigation into your claims," the Chief opened a second folder on his desk.

A picture of Ashley with a cut lip and bruises on her wrists was the first sheet inside the second folder. She claimed her injuries were the result of an attempted rape at the hands of the firemen in Station 29. The men insisted they were just playing around with her, a simple hazing initiative that was the norm with new "boots", their name for a new recruit. Chief Danbury didn't find any of this normal. He had another year until he retired and he really just wanted the problem to go away.

He looked at the pretty blonde standing at attention in front of him, silently praying she would accept his offer.

"I accept," Ashley stated quietly. She felt like the coward she knew deep down she was. She had spent so many years trying to prove she was brave. The brave thing to do would be fight these men who were so against women entering their sacred club. But, she just didn't have it in her; deep down she was still that scared little girl sitting on the edge of the ravine, afraid to cross the log. She took the paperwork that the Chief handed her outlining the life she would be living the next six months. The Chief handed her a check that would cover six-months of a fire fighters income and what was deemed as an acceptable expense allowance. Obviously, they did not want any reason for her to be in contact with them over the next six months, the allowance was very generous. Ashley left the fire chief's office; hating herself a little more than she had when she entered the building that morning.

The men of Station 51s A-shift stood in front of the engine and squad waiting for Captain Stanley to begin roll call. They watched as the Captain and Fire Chief exited the Captain's office. The men exchanged glances, each one wondering what had happened to necessitate such an early visit from the Fire Chief.

"Have a safe shift men," the Fire Chief stated as he exited the building.

Captain Stanley addressed the routine information of the day, what chores would be assigned to each man and assigned a few fire hydrant checks and safety inspections to the group. He looked down at his clipboard the normal business of the day out of the way. Now it was time to discuss the not so normal business. He looked at his men wondering how they would take the news.

"Uh, let's go into the kitchen, I have one more piece of news I need to discuss with y'all; but think it's best done over coffee." Captain Stanley led the way into the kitchen and started filling up mugs and handing them to his men.

When everyone was seated at the table Captain Stanley looked at each man for just a brief moment, "The Fire Chief informed me that we will be getting a seventh person on our shift for several months," Hank paused not even sure how he felt about the news he was about to share. "This person was certified as a fire fighter in North Carolina, but will not be functioning in that role here. They will actually be working as a paramedic, learning the ins and outs of the paramedic program to help develop a similar program in North Carolina," Captain Stanley used the plural pronoun to delay the part of the news he knew was going to cause a stir just a bit longer.

"That's cool, Cap; I think it is a great program and am excited that other states are lookin' to develop paramedic programs," Roy spoke up.

"Yeh, for sure," Johnny joined in.

"I am glad you fellas think this is a good idea," Captain Stanley paused and pushed his coffee cup around a bit on the table.

"What are ya not tellin' us, Cap?" Mike spoke up from the far end of the table, he knew his Captain well and something about this situation was bothering him.

Captain Stanley raised his eyes to meet the gaze of his Engineer, leave it to Mike to get to the bottom line. His no nonsense personality made him a great asset to the station, and also a person Hank relied on heavily when things got tense.

"The additional person is a woman, her name is Ashley James," Captain Stanley paused as Mike audibly gasped. "You okay, Stoker?"

"Did you say Ashley James?" Mike asked his face pale.

Captain Stanley looked down at the memo double-checking the name, "Yes, Ashley James, why do you know her?"

Mike's mind flashed back to ten years ago, to the young girl with the blonde hair and heart-stopping smile, but then the next memory was her standing in the woods, looking at him with that horrified expression, sickened by what he had done. Mike felt the bile burning his throat and swallowed hard. She had been just a kid then, it could not possibly be the same girl. Mike shook his head, "It can't possibly be the same girl. The Ashley James I knew would absolutely not have become a fire fighter."

"Well, this one did. She's gonna be operating as a full-fledged paramedic, she has her nursing license in California, so the department and Rampart have authorized her to function on runs. She won't be operating as a fire fighter; but she will be working 24 hour shifts with us," Hank paused letting that piece of news settle into the minds of his men.

"Wait a minute, Cap," Chet started to object.

"What?" Johnny said spitting out some coffee as he spoke before he swallowed. He reached for the role of paper towels on the table to clean up the mess.

Roy looked at his Captain stunned by that piece of the announcement, "How is THAT supposed to work?" Roy asked.

Captain Stanley held up his hand, "That is why we were chosen. We're the newest station so our shower is a stall instead of just bein' open. We have extra beds so she can be in an area on her own behind a wall. We will just have to be a little more sensitive to when we walk into the locker room."

Johnny's mouth was hanging open; Mike took in the expressions of the men and felt a headache start behind his eyes. "It isn't really a wall, how is she gonna feel about that Cap?" Mike asked.

"She was already the only woman in a station. From what I've been told, she said that if you saw her on the beach she'd be wearin' less clothes than she is when she's sleeping waitin' for a call so it's no big deal." Captain Stanley looked around at his men; they had all gone quiet with their own individual thoughts about the situation. He figured Roy was wondering what Joanne was gonna say; shoot he was wondering the same thing about his own wife. He figured Chet was already wondering if the phantom could get away with pranking the newest member of the crew now that it was a woman. He wondered briefly if Johnny would try to ask her out and then thought that maybe he should advise the young paramedic not to do it. The department didn't have any set rules on co-workers dating because it had never been an issue in all male stations, but now, things were changing.

He paused when he glanced at Mike. The Engineer was staring into his coffee cup lost in deep thought. Mike was remembering his summer with Madeline and Ashley James. Maddie had been his first serious girlfriend, even though he had only been sixteen at the time, he thought they would be together forever. Maddie had been fifteen, and took her little sister with her everywhere she went. Ashley had been thirteen; the more cautious and serious of the two; she had often been the voice trying to talk Mike and Maddie out of some crazy adventure they had dreamed up. Maddie had been full of energy and reckless abandon. Mike remembered her flowing brown hair, sparkling green eyes and carefree laugh. Could this Ashley James, be the same one he knew ten years ago? Mike shook his head, no, this girl was coming out from North Carolina, she could not be the same girl. But, he felt fear grip his heart, what if it was?

The klaxons sounded interrupting the thoughts that were consuming the men as they pondered this new development, "Squad 51, possible heart attack victim, 5261 Chestnut St, 5-2-6-1 Chestnut; time out 8:26."

"10-4, KMG 365," Captain Stanley said into the microphone, as he pulled the paper from its pad. Mike hit the button raising the doors as the paramedics boarded the squad. Captain Stanley handed the paper to Roy as Johnny was already beginning to give him directions to the scene. Thoughts about the woman joining them were pushed to the back of their minds as they prepared to help those that depended on them.

Captain Stanley approached Mike, as the Squad turned left into the street, "What if this Ashley James, is the one you know? Can you work with her?"

Mike's eyes looked down at the concrete as his mind rushed back to that summer, "It can't be, Cap."

"Mike, I need to know, what if it is?" Captain Stanley pushed the topic.

Mike felt the bile burning his throat again and he wasn't sure he could speak without losing his breakfast. "Uh, I'd be fine, Cap; but I don't know if she would be. Okay working with me, I mean," Mike said keeping his gaze down as he walked away from his Captain toward the locker room.

Captain Stanly watched the retreating back of his Engineer, wondering why anyone would have an issue working with Mike; he was the most responsible man he knew.

Johnny pulled the Squad into a spot at Rampart and went in to find Roy who had ridden in with the patient. He walked over to the nursing station where Dixie was looking at medical charts, making notes on her pad of paper on what follow-up needed to be done.

"Hey, Dix," Johnny leaned against the counter giving his favorite nurse his biggest smile.

"Hi, Johnny. Sounds like your patient is doing well, Joe is in with Roy now." Dixie looked up and smiled at the handsome young paramedic. She had always had a soft spot for John Gage.

"Have you heard the latest," Johnny asked reaching for a cup to get some coffee.

"No, what's the latest?" Dixie leaned against the counter giving Johnny her full attention.

"We are going to have a nurse riding with us again," Johnny took a sip of his coffee watching Dixie's reaction. When her face did not show surprise or confusion he knew his guess had been right, she knew about the woman they were getting at the station. "You knew."

"Kel had to approve the request for her to ride along with the paramedics. It is very unorthodox, and a bit confusing to all of us, but he wanted to be supportive of other states trying to create paramedic programs of their own. Have you met her yet?" Dixie asked.

"No, we just found out today. It is going to be odd, she is working the full 24-hour shifts with us, so will be showering, and sleeping in the room with us," Johnny looked at bit uncomfortable.

"She must be okay with it, if she agreed to the arrangement. Didn't I hear she was a firefighter in North Carolina, will she be working fires too?" Dixie asked impressed by the young woman she hadn't met yet.

"No, no way," Johnny stated emphatically.

"And why so emphatic John Gage, don't you think a woman can do the job?" Dixie crossed her arms and pinned the young paramedic to the floor with her gaze.

"Ah, now c'mon, Dix. This is a dangerous business, women shouldn't be doin' stuff like this," Johnny shifted uncomfortably under Dixie's stare.

"Johnny, women are capable of much more than just being pretty faces that you chase around," Dixie said with a bit of irritation. She thought the world of Johnny, but right now she was a bit irritated by his chauvinistic response.

"Uh-oh," Roy said joining the two of them. "I think we'd better get back to the station before you need medical attention," Roy said to his partner quickly taking in Dixie's crossed arms and how uncomfortable his young partner looked.

"Roy," Dixie turned to the senior paramedic, "how do you feel about the woman joining your station, and the fact that she was a fire fighter in North Carolina, but won't be able to do that part of her job here?"

Roy took a step toward the door, signaling for his partner to start heading in that direction with his hand that was holding the H-T. "Right now, Dix," Roy said continuing to back up toward the exit, "I am just worried about how to tell my wife I am going to be sleeping in my boxers ten feet from another woman."

He heard Dixie's laugh as he turned and headed quickly toward the exit. He had not had enough time to think about the bombshell the Captain dropped on them this morning to know how he felt about it. While he believed women should be treated equally, he certainly wouldn't want his wife or daughter to be firefighters. The job was too dangerous. Besides, could a woman really save a man when it meant having to carry them out of a blazing inferno, or having the strength to pull them to safety?


	2. Chapter 2

Ashley tried to swallow the piece of toast and sipped her coffee to help get the bread down her throat. She had expected to be nervous, but this was ridiculous, she could barely swallow and she was pretty sure she was going to vomit. Ashley tossed the piece of toast into the garbage can and pulled a can of ginger ale from the refrigerator. She figured she could sip it on the way to the fire station and perhaps it would help settle her stomach. She figured the Captain probably got there early so maybe she could get her new uniform and get changed before the other guys arrived.

She grabbed her overnight bag and her keys from the hook by the door and began to leave. She stopped considering the pills in her medicine cabinet in the bathroom. The doctor said they would help with her anxiety. She had taken them before and they did not seem to make her tired, just took the edge off her nerves. She walked quickly to the bathroom, opened the bottle and poured a pill into her empty hand. She used the ginger ale to swallow it, dropped the bottle into her overnight bag and exited the small apartment taking a moment to lock the door. She walked down to her little yellow convertible corvette, happy that she had decided to splurge on the fun car for this transition in her life. She had bought it before leaving North Carolina and had driven across country with the wind in her hair, trying to symbolically leave behind all the negativity that had permeated her life recently.

Ashley turned her car into the station drive and headed toward the back parking lot, a truck also turning and following her behind the building. She hoped it would be the Captain and they could take care of some of the formalities quickly. Apparently, the idea to arrive early and avoid awkwardness in the locker room had been shared by many because three men had already exited their vehicles and were standing around in the parking lot as she pulled into a spot. Ashley found it difficult to swallow and took a deep breath before reaching for the door handle. Her hand trembled slightly as she opened the door and exited her car.

She glanced at the men standing in the parking lot and then turned to see the one that had pulled in behind her. He was standing next to his vehicle his mouth hanging slightly open, his blue eyes riveted on her.

"Streaker!" Ashley exclaimed as she rounded the back of her vehicle and threw her arms around the stunned man. She gave him a big hug and drew back slightly when he didn't immediately return the embrace. Fear entered her eyes; maybe he couldn't stand to be around her, the constant reminder of that day.

The shock wore off as he caught the fear in her eyes and he pulled her in for an embrace, "Ashley, I can't believe it's you," Mike whispered in her ear. "When the Cap mentioned the name Ashley James, I immediately thought of you, but since he said you were comin' from North Caroline I figured there was no way."

Ashley raised her hand and brushed it through his short hair, "Look at you all conservative and proper," she tried to joke as the other men moved closer to them. Her hand trembled, and her stomach lurched. Would Mike be able to stand having her around? When she first saw him she had been so relieved that she may have a friend, but that had lasted only a second before that day came rushing back to her.

"Streaker?" Chet asked with an amused look on his face.

"Drop it, Chet," Mike warned.

"No, no, I gotta know, why do ya call him Streaker?" Marco asked standing next to his partner.

"Because he was notorious for streaking at ANY major event," Ashley laughed remembering Mike's run across the football field at the homecoming game the fall before the three of them had started hanging out, and again through the town park at the annual spring picnic. That was the day she and Maddie had introduced themselves to him. Stoker had sounded so close to Streaker that a nickname had been born.

"Mike?" Roy, Marco and Chet all said in unison.

Ashley looked at the shocked expressions of Mike's partners and the blush that was now coloring Mike's face and wondered just how much her old friend had changed in the last decade. "You mean to tell me he isn't always walkin' around here struttin' his stuff?" She teased trying to keep the atmosphere light, despite the tension she could feel building in her chest.

"Mike?" The three said again looking shocked.

Ashley reached up and scratched her earlobe, looking back at Mike, "I guess some things do change." She looked around at the group. "I'm Ashley James; I think you've all been told that I'll be working with you for the next few months." Ashley extended her hand to the man closest to her.

"Chester B. Kelly, but everyone calls me Chet," Chet took her hand still looking at the blushing Engineer.

"Marco Lopez," Marco leaned past Chet and shook Ashley's hand.

"Roy DeSoto. You'll be working with me and my partner Johnny, he should be here any minute," Roy leaned over and shook her hand, glancing back at Mike who was still looking pink. "And it appears you know our Engineer." Roy smiled as Mike's color deepened again.

Ashley giggled slightly, "Nice to meet all of you. I guess we all kinda had the same idea of getting here early so we could change and not be in each other's way." She looked around at the men all still in their street clothes.

"Yeh, I guess so," Chet shuffled his feet and looked at the ground.

"Do you know if the Captain's here yet?" Ashley asked.

"His car is here," Mike spoke up. "Why don't you guys go and get changed, I'll take Ashley to meet the Captain and join you in a minute. I am sure he will want to talk to you for a bit, and then you can have the locker room when we are done."

"What about Gage?" Marco asked.

"If he isn't here before she goes in, he'll wait." Mike said putting his hand on Ashley's elbow and turning her toward the station.

The other guys hung back for a minute while Mike walked Ashley inside. "Streaker," Chet said raising his eyebrows, a smirk spreading across his face.

"Our Mike?" Marco looked unsure.

Roy gave a small shrug and grabbed his bag off the ground where he had dropped it during the introductions. "People change."

"Captain Stanley, this is Ashley James," Mike leaned against the door frame of the Captain's office as he made the introduction to his Captain. He was trying to appear casual, but the truth was he needed the support of the wall, his legs felt like jello.

Captain Stanley stood up and walked over to the door. He extended his hand to the young woman in front of him. He tried to smile to calm her nerves. She looked like she might pass out. "Why don't you come in and have a seat? We can go over a few administrative items, I'll give you your uniforms and you can go get ready for roll call. Mike, close the door on your way out."

Mike closed the Captain's door. He walked a few steps and leaned against the wall dropping his head down and trying to catch his breath. How long had he been holding his breath he wondered? Black dots briefly floated in his vision and the room seemed to move slightly. Mike took a couple of deep breaths trying to stop the trembling he could feel just below the surface. What would the guys think if they found out what he had done? Ashley James had just walked back into his life and she had the power to destroy everything he had spent the last 10 years building. He had worked so hard to redeem himself, "to everyone but her," he whispered out loud.

Mike moved toward the locker room knowing he needed to get dressed so she could have the room.

The guys cleared out and went into the kitchen for more coffee as Mike showed Ashley a free locker and then left her to change into her uniform. The men were sitting on couches and at the table as Johnny rushed in, hurrying to get changed before he was late to roll call. It took a moment for the group to remember that John couldn't go into the locker room. He had already exited the kitchen and was rounding the corner before the first man called out, "Whoa, John wait, you can't…"

Johnny pushed open the locker room door and stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes met the startled green eyes of the woman standing in the locker room. Thankfully she was fully dressed and just pulling her hair into a ponytail before the start of the shift. She moved to shut the door of her locker and smiled up at John, "It's all yours."

She walked passed the junior paramedic who was still standing in the same spot with his mouth hanging open.

"That, is John Gage, the other paramedic," Roy said handing Ashley a cup of coffee.

The warm cup felt nice in her hands, she smiled gratefully at Roy, "Thanks."

He gave her a few minutes to sip the coffee, feeling like she needed the warmth. "We should go get lined up for roll call," he reached to take the cup from her.

"Oh, yeah, okay," Ashley looked around as Roy walked over and set the cups in the sink.

"Right this way," Roy put his arm around her and rested his hand on her back; he led her to the front of the engines.

Johnny rushed over skidding to a stop next to Roy at the end of the line just as Captain Stanley walked in carrying his clipboard. "Nice of you to join us, Gage," Captain Stanley gave his junior paramedic a stern look.

"Sorry, Cap."

"Gentleman, we have our newest member here with us today, Miss Ashley James. Ashley, welcome to 51s A shift. I am sure everyone will make you feel right at home." Captain Stanley looked at his clipboard and began giving out assignments. "Gage, DeSoto, why don't you take the day room and kitchen and show Ashley what needs to be done after you have a chance to show her the squad and how your equipment is set up."

"Sure thing, Cap," Roy put his hand on Ashley's back again leading her toward the squad. He took the lead in teaching her both where the items in the squad were located and then began to cover what they did when they cleaned the kitchen and day room. Johnny hung back watching and wondering to himself how she had ever been a firefighter in North Carolina. The minimum weight for a firefighter was 143 lbs., there was no way this woman weighed over 120 lbs. Roy was just showing her where they kept the different utensils when the klaxons sounded giving them their first alarm of the shift.

"Station 51, fire at a warehouse, 963 Triumph, cross street 4th street; time out 9:12."

All the men boarded the engine, Roy got into the driver's seat and John held the door for Ashley to slide into the middle. She complied, and Roy pointed to the helmet behind her as he tightened his. Johnny reached behind slipping on his helmet, he watched as Ashley easily adjusted her strap.

The squad pulled up to the location and the three jumped out; Ashley stood slightly to the side as Roy and Johnny pulled on turnouts and grabbed air tanks. Captain Stanley walked over, "Two men are missing; they were last seen in Corridor C on the west side of the building." Johnny and Roy nodded and headed into the building.

Ashley fought the urge to throw something. She walked over to Mike who was manning the gauges on the engine. "This sucks," she huffed as she leaned against the engine. "I should be going into the building; that's my job."

Mike glanced at the pout on her face and wondered what had happened to the girl he remembered, the one who had been afraid to try anything new or remotely dangerous.

She kept a careful eye on the warehouse waiting for the paramedics to exit. She saw one of them coming out struggling under the weight of the much larger man. She ran forward, ignoring Captain Stanley when he called out for her to stop.

She stopped in front of Roy, grabbing the victim's legs to help Roy carry him to a safe distance. They laid the man on the ground under the angry stare of Captain Stanley. Ashley grabbed the oxygen and placed the mask over the man's mouth and nose.

Roy hooked up the biophone as Ashley began taking the man's bp.

"Rampart, this is squad 51."

"Go ahead, 51" Dr. Early's voice came over the phone.

"Rampart, we have a male victim, approximately 35 years of age. He has suffered from smoke inhalation, his bp is," he looked over at Ashley.

"Bp is 220/165, pulse is 110 and respirations are 18 and shallow," Ashley gave Roy the vitals, keeping one eye on the warehouse wondering where Johnny was. Ashley noticed Roy also kept checking for his partner.

As if in answer to their silent prayers Johnny exited the warehouse with the second victim. He made his way quickly over the squad and laid his victim down on the blanket that Ashley laid out for him. She pulled the second oxygen over and placed the mask on the victims face as Johnny started checking vitals. She moved back over to help Roy as his patient went into B-fib efficiently handing him medications and administering them when necessary. When the patient flat lined she began CPR as he worked on setting up the defibrillator.

"Clear," Roy said as he moved to place the paddles on the patient. Ashley leaned back on her heels.

The patient jerked upward, the monitor reading a successful capture. Ashley moved to the drug box, knowing the doctors would order a second IV. She was handing it to Roy as the order came over the biophone. She moved over to Johnny to see if she could be of any assistance.

The time moved quickly and pretty soon they were loading both victims into separate ambulances. Roy went with his patient and she rode with Johnny's as he drove the squad.

She followed the patient into the treatment room at Rampart General taking in her surroundings as she walked. She grabbed the sheet under the patient and helped move him from the gurney to the exam table. Dr. Brackett noticed she had not waited for him to help, even though he had been just a step behind her. She moved the IV bag to the pole and started recounting the patient's most recent vitals and what had been done for his care since Johnny had gotten him out of the building.

Dr. Brackett listened to her as he began examining his newest patient. "Thank you," Dr. Brackett said dismissing the young woman from the room.

She exited into the hallway and looked around. Johnny was standing at the end of the hallway chatting with a nurse. Ashley hesitated not wanting to interrupt, but unsure of what to do with herself. She began to walk slowly toward Johnny who was obviously flirting with the young nurse.

Ashley chose to side step them and leaned over a water fountain taking a tentative sip of the cool water.

Roy stepped out into the hall and Ashley made her way to his side. "Nice job," he said with a warm smile.

"Thanks," she smiled back following the senior paramedic toward the doors.

Johnny jogged down the hallway to catch up. He opened the door and stepped back to allow Ashley to get in the squad. She cocked her head to the left and looked him in the eye, "Why do I have to ride in the middle?"

"What?" Johnny looked at her.

"Why do I have to be the one to ride in the middle?" Ashley said slowly, acting like Johnny had not understood the question. "Is it because I'm a woman? Because the possibility of two men riding close to each other somehow offends your male ego?" Ashley stood looking at Johnny.

He looked over the cab of the squad at Roy, then back at Ashley, "What?"

Ashley laughed and moved to get in the squad, "God, you are easy."

Roy joined her in laughter and Johnny just rolled his eyes. "Seriously, are you gonna be a female Chet?"

Mike drove the Engine carefully back to the station stealing glances at his Captain. He could not remember the last time he had seen the man this mad. Captain Stanley did not say a word, but Mike could feel the anger radiating off him. Mike had heard him order Ashley to stop as she ran toward the building, knew there was no way Ashley hadn't heard him, yet she had ignored the order.

The men were just putting away turnouts when the squad backed into the station.

Captain Stanley eyed the young woman as she got out of the squad feeling his blood starting to boil. Part of him knew he should calm down before speaking to her, but before that part of his brain won out, his mouth opened, "Miss James, I want to see you in my office right now."

Captain Stanley marched to his office throwing open his door and entering the room, obviously expecting she would immediately obey this order. Ashley glanced at Mike and then Roy, took a deep breath and moved to the Captain's office, closing the door behind her.

Johnny and Roy looked at each other and then over at Mike. "What happened?" Johnny asked.

"She did great on that rescue, it's hard to believe it was actually our first time workin' together, things flowed well." Roy moved over to stand near Mike and Johnny.

"When she ran to help you with the victim, Captain Stanley ordered her to stop and she didn't," Mike looked at the Captain's closed door wondering what was happening. Johnny and Roy looked at Mike, then each other and then over to the door, this was not good.


	3. Chapter 3

Ashley moved to the front of Captain Stanley's desk, and stood at attention. The action reminding her of the last time she had faced the Fire Chief in North Carolina. She looked Captain Stanley right in the eye and clenched her teeth.

Captain Stanley chose to remaining standing behind his desk, his height putting him several inches taller than Ashley as he looked down at her. "Do you want to tell me why you disobeyed a direct order when I told you not to run toward that building? And don't tell me, you didn't hear me," Captain Stanley glared at her.

Ashley took a deep breath and prayed her voice would work, "No, sir, I heard you. I figured you didn't know I was just goin' to help Roy. I thought you figured I was going in after John." Ashley continued to make eye contact with Captain Stanley but could feel the tremors starting in her muscles.

"It is not your job to decide what I think young lady," Captain Stanley raised his voice. "It is your job to do what I tell you to do."

Ashley raised one eyebrow at the young lady comment, "If I was a young man, instead of a young lady, would this be such a big deal?" Ashley asked, sarcasm edging into her voice.

Captain Stanley jerked up his arm and pointed at the door, "If you'd been one of the men out there, you'd be on unpaid leave right now," he snapped.

He saw Ashley flinch when he moved his hand. He paused and made himself take a deep breath. He sat down in his chair and looked at the woman in front of him. "Have a seat Ashley," He slowly moved his hand to point at the chair across from him.

Ashley hesitated slightly and then sat on the edge of the chair in front of the desk.

"Given this is your first shift with us, I am not going to officially reprimand you, but make no mistake, I expect you to follow my orders, without question or hesitation. If you pull a stunt like that again, you'll be gone. Are we clear?" Captain Stanley leaned back in his chair.

"Yes, sir," her voice was barely a whisper.

"You're excused," Captain Stanley said turning to the log on his desk.

Ashley stood up, she hesitated for a moment and Captain Stanley looked up at her, "I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

"Better not," Captain Stanley said as he went back to logging the details of their most recent run.

Ashley exited the office and headed to the day room. Mike, John and Roy were waiting inside.

Mike walked over to her as she entered the room, "You okay?"

Ashley just nodded, not quite trusting her voice to speak.

"What were you thinking?" Mike asked her quietly.

"Mike," Ashley held up her hand to stop him from speaking, "don't."

Roy sensing the tension, stepped closer, "Ashley, why don't we get back to going over where everything is in the kitchen before we," the klaxons sounding interrupted Roy, "get called out again," he said as he moved toward the squad.

"Squad 51, possible heart attack, 236 Claremont, cross street Hatcher, time out 11:13"

"10-4, KMG 365," Captain Stanley said into the mic before moving to hand Roy the sheet of paper. He watched Ashley slide into the squad with Johnny following closely behind her. She reached back for her helmet, but did not look toward the window where the Captain stood.

As the squad pulled out and turned right on the street Captain Stanley turned to Mike, "I think I want to know a bit more about Ashley James; come have a cup of coffee with me."

Captain Stanley started heading for the kitchen. Mike dropped his head, taking in a deep breath. He really didn't want to talk to his Captain about his past with Ashley. Mike turned and obediently followed the Captain into the kitchen sitting down at the table as Hank carried two cups of coffee over.

"How well do you know Ashley, Mike?" Hank handed his Engineer the steaming cup.

Mike blew on the hot liquid for a few seconds before taking a small sip, more to stall than actually wanting a drink. He continued to look down at the coffee cup, "Not all that well, it was ten years ago Cap, she was just a kid, 13."

"Did you know her a long time?" Hank asked wondering why the topic seemed to make Mike sad.

"The three of us, Ashley, her sister Maddie and I, only spent a few months together. I met 'em in May and we went our separate ways before school started that fall." Mike looked up at his Captain, his friend. "Cap, I really don't want to talk about this. It was a long time ago; I really don't have anything I can tell you about Ashley."

Hank knew there was something in the past that Mike didn't want to talk about, he just wasn't sure if he should push him to talk or not. "Do you know where her sister is now?"

Mike dropped his head lower, his shoulders slumping down, "Her sister is dead."

"I'm sorry, Mike."

"Cap, can I go?" Mike's blue eyes pleaded with his Captain.

"Sure, pal." Mike stood up taking the coffee cup with him. He wasn't sure where he was going to go, but he knew he didn't want to be sitting there under the observant gaze of his Captain.

Hank watched as Mike retreated from the room, what is goin' on, he thought to himself.

"Ashley, you did a really great job," Roy briefly looked over at her as he followed the ambulance to Rampart. "You fit in great with Johnny and me. We never even have to tell ya what we want, you're just handin' it to us when we look up."

Ashley smiled at the compliment; it had been a long time since any man had been happy to work with her, "Thanks, Roy. That means a lot."

"North Carolina is really lucky your gonna be runnin' a program for them."

Ashley looked out the passenger window, "Yeh, right," Ashley said sarcastically.

Roy's eyebrows knitted in confusion but he didn't respond as he pulled into Rampart's ambulance entrance. "Hey, let's go see if we can find Dixie, I want to introduce you."

Roy found Dixie in the staff lounge, "Dixie, this is Ashley James, the nurse working with us as a paramedic."

Ashley stepped forward to shake Dixie's outstretched hand, "Nice to meet you,"

"Ashley, I heard you were a fire fighter in North Carolina, what was that like?" Dixie sat down in a chair at the table and indicated Ashley should sit across from her.

As Ashley sat down Roy walked over the coffee pot, "Ash, coffee?"

Ashley looked up surprised when Roy shortened her name, "Oh, uh, sorry, do you mind if I call you Ash?"

She gave a faint smile, "No, no, I don't mind."

Dixie looked between Roy and Ashley, she raised her eyebrows slightly and took a sip of her coffee, "So, what was it like being a female fire fighter?" Dixie returned to her question.

Ashley looked down at her hands for a few seconds before answering. "It's extremely rewarding, as I'm sure these guys tell y'all the time. But, it was tough, I was the first female in the department, some of the guys were not real happy about havin' me around. Some were cordial enough, but some were downright mean." Ashley raised her head and saw the understanding look on Dixie's face.

Dixie gave her a small smile and reached over and put her hand on top of Ashley's two that were twisting nervously together. "I'm sure you'll find these guys a lot nicer," Dixie looked up at Roy as he sat down a cup of coffee in front of Ashley. He rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Only 'cause I'm not working as a fire fighter," Ashley said quietly. "No offense, Roy, you've been super sweet." Ashley tilted her head briefly resting her cheek against Roy's hand.

He pulled back his hand as Johnny entered the room. "How's the patient," Roy moved away from Ashley toward the coffee pot.

"He's gonna be okay. Ready to head back?" Johnny took in the scene and narrowed his eyes slightly.

Ashley stood up, "It was nice to meet you Dixie. I'm sure I'll see you again."

"You can count on it," Dixie smiled. "Be safe, fellas."

Johnny sat on the edge of his bunk and leaned forward so he could speak to Roy without the other guys hearing, "What's goin' on with you and Ashley?"

"What?" Roy made the final adjustments to his bunkers and crawled into the bed.

"You seemed awfully cozy at Rampart this afternoon. You've been showin' her all around, always puttin' your arm around her." Johnny looked around to make sure none of the other guys were paying attention to them, especially Mike.

"I'm just being friendly. She's new and she seems real scared to me." Roy whispered back. "Go to bed."

Roy rolled away from Johnny facing the wall. Johnny looked up as Ashley exited the locker room wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top. She walked quickly across the floor looking straight ahead, her eyes quickly darted to Johnny as she approached him and saw him looking at her. She looked down and quickened her steps slightly. She moved to the other side of the wall from Johnny dropping down on the bed. She didn't have bunkers since she was not working as a fireman. Instead she set her shoes by her bunk and uniform pants and shirt on a chair near the bed.

She quickly slid under the covers and tried to breathe as quietly as possible. She could feel her heart pounding against her rib cage. It was beating so fast she knew she was on the verge of a panic attack. She concentrated on taking in a deep breath, holding it and slowly exhaling. She had slept at the station in North Carolina; she was not sure why she was so nervous tonight.

She laid there listening as the breathing of the men around her deepened; when she was pretty sure they were all asleep she slid out from under the sheet. She grabbed her pants pulling them over her shorts and quietly tip toed out of the dorm room and into the locker room. Opening her locker she slipped the pill bottle out of her bag and dropped a small pill into her palm. She had never taken two in one day, but the doctor had said she could. She knew she was going to need it to help avoid a full on panic attack. She couldn't get her breathing to slow down and her nerves felt like she had just been doused with ice cold water.

She walked quietly into the kitchen slowly opening a cabinet hoping not to make any noise. She filled a cup up with water and quickly swallowed the pill. She was just lowering the glass when she heard a noise behind her, startled she turned dropping the glass on her foot, "Ow," She pulled her foot up grabbing it with her hands.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Roy quickly crossed the kitchen and bent down to pick up the cup.

"I, I jus' needed a drink," Ashley tried to put her foot down, but the pain caused her to lift it back up.

"Here, why don't you jump up on the counter and let me take a look at your foot," Roy sat down the cup and reached for her arm to help her onto the counter.

Ashley recoiled slightly before he could touch her. Roy pulled his hand back and softened his voice, "Hey, it's okay, I just wanna look at your foot, make sure nothin's broken."

Ashley nodded and pulled herself up so she was sitting on the counter, her feet dangling several inches from the floor.

Roy knelt down and slid off her sock, he smiled at the bright pink nail polish. "Not exactly regulation," he joked pointing to her toes.

His attempt at humor worked and Ashley let out a small giggle.

Roy carefully grasped her foot turning it slightly to check mobility. Ashley sucked in a deep breath at his touch. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the cabinet making herself concentrate on her breathing as she had when she was lying in bed, inhale deeply, hold, exhale slowly.

Good girl, Roy thought listening to her try to slow her breathing. He had noticed her respirations had been very fast and shallow when he first approached her. Assuming it had been because he scared her, he hadn't mentioned them.

He ran his hand down the top of her foot and she pulled back slightly, "Sorry, I know that hurts."

His hands were warm and gentle on her foot. Ashley let her mind wander slightly and wondered what they would feel like stroking her hair or caressing her cheek.

"Looks like your gonna have a pretty bad bruise, it is already startin' to form," Roy's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"W-what, oh, no big deal," Ashley said starting to feel herself blush. She pulled her foot back, angry with herself for her thoughts about Roy.

"Ash, you okay?" He moved closer to her side putting his hand around her bicep afraid she would fall. She jerked away from him jumping off the counter and backing herself into the corner where the counter made an L shape.

"I'm fine, Roy, really. Go back to bed, I'll be in soon."

Roy gave her a confused look, but turned and headed back to the dorm. He climbed into bed, knowing he wouldn't fall asleep until he heard her come back to the dorm.

He was just about to go check on her when he heard her come back into the dorm. He listened as she climbed back into bed.

Johnny turned his head and looked at his partner's back. What had gone on when they left the dorm together? Roy, you'd better watch yourself partner, Johnny thought before pulling his arm over his eyes and trying to fall back asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Mike woke just before the wake-up tones were scheduled to go off. He slipped on his uniform pants and grabbed his shirt, buttoning it up as he walked toward the kitchen to get coffee started. He stopped at the entrance watching for a moment as Ashley worked to get the coffee brewing.

"Here, let me give you a hand," Mike crossed the kitchen taking the percolator from her.

Ashley smiled up at him, "I can't for the life of me figure out how you guys work that thing."

Mike looked down into her green eyes and noticed the dark circles. "Rough night?"

Ashley looked away, "Just getting used to the new environment."

Mike reached out and touched her arm, Ashley turned, "Would you want to have dinner tonight? Give us a chance to catch up?" Mike looked unsure.

"You'd want to have dinner with me?" Ashley looked surprised.

"Of course, if you want to have dinner with me."

Ashley gave him a big smile, "I'd really like that. Although, I'm wondering what other crazy adventure you'll take me on?"

Mike looked momentarily confused and then remembered all the stupid stunts he had done with Maddie and Ashley that summer, he had called them "their crazy adventures". A look of sadness crossed Mike's face, "I get enough crazy adventures at work; let's just plan for a nice quiet dinner."

It wasn't long before the men on B-shift started wandering into the kitchen. Mike made the necessary introductions and then walked Ashley out to her car followed by Johnny and Roy.

Roy walked over to his Porsche, "Ash, you did a great job. Enjoy your days off and I'll see you next shift."

Johnny looked at Roy and back at Ashley, "Yeah, you did fine. See ya."

Johnny got into his Rover and rolled down the window. "What time should I pick you up?" He heard Mike ask Ashley.

She smiled at him and leaned against her yellow corvette. Johnny pulled away with a faint smile before she could answer. Good, he thought, maybe that'll keep her away from Roy.

"Hi, honey," Roy called dropping his overnight bag next to the washing machine.

"Hi, I've got breakfast ready," Joanne gave her husband a quick peck on the lips. Then paused, she leaned back in giving him a deeper kiss.

Roy wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her closer, "Mmm, what I do to deserve that?"

Joanne took a step back and looked into her husband's amazing blue eyes, "How'd things go with the new female partner?" Joanne turned and walked toward the kitchen so Roy couldn't see her face.

He dipped his head and smiled, he didn't need to see her face, "Jo, are you jealous?" He followed her toward the kitchen, the smell of bacon in the air.

"No, yes, I don't like you sleeping in the same room as another woman," Joanne turned to look at her husband. He was leaning against the wall, his arms folded against his chest. "What's she like?"

Roy took a deep breath, images of the last 24 hours floating through his mind.

Roy pulled out a dining room chair and sat down at the table looking at his wife, "She's good, real good. She fits in with Johnny and me like she's been workin' with us forever. It's like she could read our minds, she was just handin' us stuff before we even asked for it. All the runs were like that, we didn't trip over each other, it was just smooth. She even joked with Johnny about his makin' her sit in the middle of the squad, kinda given him a hard time. "

Joanne felt herself tense even more as her husband talked about how well he connected to another woman. "Sounds like you work well together," Joanne said quietly looking down at her husband's plate as he ate his eggs.

"She's got some kind of history with Stoker," Roy said as he paused from eating thinking about Mike's reaction to Ashley.

At Joanne's quizzical look Roy shook his head, "I don't know, it's weird. Mike's said very little about it, but I get the impression there's somethin' big there," Roy looked over at his wife.

Joanne looked in his eyes, "Do you think they used to date?"

"Nah, she would have just been a kid when Mike knew her before; although I guess he woulda been too."

"Maybe we should have them over, I'd like to meet her," Joanne tried to sound casual. She moved over to the sink and started washing the last few dishes.

"Jo."

"What? No woman is gonna be comfortable having her husband spend that much time with another woman; I'd like to meet her." Joanne crossed her arms, "What does she look like?"

She tried to sound casual, but Roy heard the jealousy and maybe a bit of fear in her voice. He stood up and walked over to the sink, wrapping his arms around his wife, "It doesn't matter sweetheart; I'm taken."

Mike prepared to pick up Ashley for dinner feeling more nervous than he could ever remember. He sat in his car outside her apartment trying to calm his nerves. He looked up to see her coming toward his truck.

Mike jumped out to open the door for her, "I was gonna come up to the door."

"C'mon Mike, we both know this isn't a date," Ashley slid into the passenger side of the truck and looked at Mike as he stood holding the door.

Mike closed the door and moved to the other side of the truck without saying a word.

He sat behind the wheel for a minute before turning the key in the ignition, "Uh, do you, uh, like Italian? I know this little Italian restaurant about 20 minutes from here."

"Sure, sounds fine."

The ride was made in silence, neither one really knowing what to say.

They looked the menu, and gave their orders to the waiter. As the waiter walked away, Mike smiled at Ashley, "Eggplant parmesan, Maddie would've gagged."

Ashley leaned her head back and laughed, "She absolutely hated all things vegetable."

Mike laughed briefly, but then his face grew serious, "Ashley, about that last day…"

Ashley cut him off with a wave of her hand, "Don't, Mike. I don't want to talk about it. It was a long time ago; I don't want to talk about it."

"Ashley, I have spent the last ten years trying to make up for that day, but I never got to talk to you, to make it up to you." Mike reached across the table for her hand, but she jerked it back and put it in her lap.

"Stop, Mike. Seriously, I don't want to talk about it. I jus-just can't, please, I can't." Ashley felt tears well up in her eyes.

"Ashley, please, I don't want to upset you, but there is one thing I have to know. They took you in the ambulance," Mike paused the image of Ashley sitting in the back of the ambulance, an oxygen mask on her tear streaked face flashing before his eyes. He had to swallow hard before he could speak again, "What happened? I never saw you again."

"When they released me from the hospital, a social worker came and took me to a group foster home about an hour north. The family we'd been stayin with didn't want me back," at the look at Mike's face, she leaned over and put her hand on his. "It's okay, Mike. I really didn't want to go back there; a change was the best thing for me."

"Ashley, I'm so sorry. I wish, I wish, God, I just wish I could go back in time and," Ashley cut Mike off again.

"Please, tell me what you've been up to these last ten years, tell me about your life now, tell me about what you hope for tomorrow, but please, please, no more about that day. I can't handle it." Ashley pleaded with Mike.

"You're the one that's made the most changes. A fire fighter, really? How'd that happen?" Mike honored her plea for a change of subject.

"After high school, I went to nursing school and got my nursing degree, but I wanted to be doin' more. I wanted to be out there really helping people. I couldn't get into the Fire Academy here in California, but North Carolina had a female fire fighter, and were actually trying to recruit more. They put me through three months of advanced training to increase my strength and I finally met the qualifications to get in to the academy." Ashley took a sip of her wine, and smiled, "Good choice, you know wine?"

"I know a lot of things," Mike joked.

Their conversation flowed easily through dinner, slipping back into the easy friendship they had shared a decade before. Mike was stunned by the things Ashley had tried over the years, sky diving, scuba diving, rock climbing, hang gliding. Across the table, Ashley was thinking just the opposite; she couldn't believe how sedate Mike had been over the years.

"What about girls, Mike? Even though you look a bit square in that haircut, you are still a good lookin' guy; how come you're not married? Married, couple of kids?" Ashley smiled at him.

Mike felt a blush rising up his neck and face, "Ashley."

"C'mon, I'm serious. With those blue eyes and great body, a fire fighter, you've gotta be a chick magnet." Ashley teased him enjoying the blush that deepened on his face.

Mike picked up the bill, "And with that, I think I should drive you home."

Ashley laughed taking his proffered arm. "Don't think for one second I'm gonna let this drop, this is too much fun."

As he drove her home they passed a bar called "Flames" with several vehicles jamming the parking lot. "Flames? Do you seriously have a firemen's bar?" Ashley asked.

"Several guys from various stations hang out there sometimes," Mike answered.

"Oh, Mike, let's stop and go dancing." Ashley grabbed his arm.

Mike looked over at the bar, "I'm not much of a dancer."

"Why? It looks like fun!" Ashley twisted in her seat looking back at the people exiting into the parking lot.

"Firemen go there to blow off steam; it can get a bit rough." Mike answered.

The two were quiet the rest of the way to Ashley's apartment.

Ashley turned to him as Mike pulled into a parking spot, "Mike, you don't go dancing, you haven't been sky diving, hang gliding, any of the things you talked about that summer. What happened to you?"

"You know what happened to me, you were there," Mike snapped irritated at her comments. How could she of all people not understand why he could no longer be the guy he had been back then. "Ashley, after.., when.., God, after what," Mike stammered trying to articulate the horror he felt from that day, from what he had done.

"Stop, just stop," Ashley reached for the door handle.

Mike reached across the cab to grab her arm and stop her from leaving, "No!" Ashley jumped out of the truck and ran for the apartment building.

Mike sat in the parking lot for a long time, hoping she would come back out, would let him apologize for that day. Finally, he started the truck and drove slowly home.

"Uh-oh, looks like Stoker's date with Ashley didn't go so well," Marco looked up from where he had been laying out his shot on the pool table as a blonde in a tight, short dress walked into Flames.

"What?" Chet turned around to see Ashley walk up to the bar. Several men turned to watch the scantily clad beauty cross the floor. "Did you say she was on a date with Stoker?"

"I talked to Johnny earlier, he said he overhead them making a date, but if she's here and Mike isn't," Marco left the rest of the thought unsaid.

"Looks like she's lookin' for fun now," Chet watched as she downed her second shot in less than a minute.

A fireman he recognized from Station 101, approached Ashley and pointed toward the dance floor. She accepted and slid into a natural rhythm with the man on the floor.

Marco and Chet continued their game, each keeping an eye on Ashley. After watching her finish her fifth drink and stumble slightly on her way back to the dance floor, Chet hit Marco's arm with the back of his hand, "Hey, Marco," Chet started.

Marco was already reaching into his pocket, "I know, I know, I'll go call Mike. You make sure she doesn't leave with Rob." Marco made his way to the pay phone and quickly dropped in the change and dialed the familiar number.

Mike answered on the second ring, hoping it would be Ashley. He listened to Marco, and told him he would be there shortly. Mike hung up the phone and picked it up again, dialing quickly. "Johnny, I hope I'm not interruptin' anything; I need a favor."

John looked at the pretty brunette sitting on his couch smiling at him, "No, man, whaddya need?"

"Marco just called me. Ashley is at Flames, she's pretty drunk and getting a little outta hand. I need to go get her. Marco said she's had a lot to drink. I don't want to take her to a hospital, but I'd feel better if you checked her out." Mike hesitated. "I know it's late, man, but…"

Johnny interrupted Mike, "Don't worry about it, want me to meet you there?"

"No, I'll pick you up. That way you can drive her car home for me. I'll be there in about 5 minutes." Mike hung up the phone, grabbed his keys and rushed out to his truck.

Johnny turned to the beautiful woman on his couch, "I'm sorry Veronica, but a friend has an emergency." Johnny headed back toward his bedroom and removed a small bag from his closet. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take a rain check on tonight, but I should still be good for a picnic lunch tomorrow," Johnny grabbed his keys from the table and walked over to offer a hand up to the woman still sitting on the couch.

"John Gage, this is the third time you have blown me off," she huffed. "If you leave this time, you can forget about tomorrow, in fact, you can forget my number." She crossed her arms.

"Veronica, I'm sorry. Mike needs me; I can't leave a brother in need." Johnny's dark eyes pleaded with her to understand.

"Hmph," she flipped her hair getting off the couch and walking toward the door. "I hope he's worth it; don't bother calling me again," she said as she walked away.

"He's worth it," Johnny said as he exited the apartment closing the door behind him. "I'm just not so sure Ashley James is." Johnny headed down the stairs to wait for Mike in the parking lot knowing his friend was going to be in a rush.

"Oh crap," Marco watched as Rob took Ashley by the arm trying to lead her out of the bar.

"We gotta stop him," Chet got up from the table, heading in their direction, Marco one-step behind him.

"Hey, Ashley," Chet called out as he intercepted the couple heading to the door. "Whatcha doin' here?"

"Chesire," Ashley slurred, "like the 'itty 'at."

Marco put a hand on the arm of the man that was trying to lead Ashley out of the bar, "Hey, Rob. Ashley's a friend of Mike's. Whaddya say that Chet and I just help her get home."

"Beat it, Marco. She's leavin' with me." Rob leaned over and took hold of Ashley's arm, pulling her toward the door.

Marco moved in between Rob and the door as Chet took hold of Ashley's other arm, "Sorry, man, we can't let you do that," Marco stopped Rob with a hand against his chest.

Rob shoved Marco's hand off him, "Get outta my way."

Jim, the bartender moved toward the group, "Hey, what's goin' on?"

"Jim, sorry, we're not tryin' to cause any trouble. This young lady is the new paramedic over at 51s, and a friend of Mike Stoker's. She's had too much to drink and we want to make sure she gets home okay."

"Jim, she's been with me since she walked in, and she's goin' home with me. She's not a child; she can make up her own mind."

The jukebox kicked on a fast paced dance song, "Oh, I 'ove th- son'." Ashley stepped up on a chair and then on to the table and started dancing.

Marco and Chet exchanged glances, "Hey, Ashley, that's really not meant for dancin'," Chet tried to reach up for her arm.

"Lea' 'lone," Ashley moved back away from Chet almost falling off the table. Marco quickly moved to the other side of the table so he could catch her if she fell.

Jim looked over at Rob, "This is not your night, man. She's goin' home with Mike's friends."

"C'mon Jim, she's a grown woman, she doesn't need babysitters," Rob grumbled at the burly bartender.

"She's too drunk to make that choice. These are her co-workers and I know Mike, she's goin' home with these fellas."

Rob knew he wasn't going to change the bartenders mind; he dropped her purse on the chair and walked out the door bumping in to Mike who was just on his way in the door. "Get outta my way Stoker, you already caused me enough problems tonight," Rob shoved pasted him.

Mike looked after the retreating fireman and gave Johnny a confused look and a shrug. He walked in the bar and saw Ashley dancing on the table. "What the…," Mike started to swear, but Johnny cut him off with a hand on his shoulder.

"We've gotta get her down before she falls and cracks her skull." Johnny moved toward the table hoping Ashley wouldn't notice them, but she saw Mike when he started to move toward her.

"N-no, 'ike," Ashley stepped from the table onto a pool table.

"Hey," a big guy who was just about to break stood up and glared at Ashley.

Chet put his hands up, "Sorry, sorry, we're gonna get her." Chet dug in his pocket and put a dollar bill on the edge of the table, "Next few games are on me."

Ashley tried to move away from Mike as he headed toward the table. Chet moved to one side, Marco to another, Johnny took up position on the third and Mike approached her from the last possible escape route.

Ashley was trying to move away from each of them, and watching more where they were than where she was, "Don' wanna go 'ome. Go 'ay, 'ike," She stammered and she moved on the table. She slipped on a ball and hit her head on a hanging light. She stumbled and Mike got close enough to grab her, he dropped her over his shoulder.

"Chet, can you grab her purse?" Mike asked moving her toward the exit. Ashley was continuing to struggle and yell, "No."

Johnny walked up to Jim, "Do you know about how much she had to drink?"

"A lot, a few shots, couple long island iced teas, but Rob was giving her some of his drinks too. I didn't know she was a fireman, fire woman?" Jim knitted his brow.

"Paramedic, not a fire fighter," Johnny corrected. "Does she owe you any money?" Johnny reached for his wallet.

"No, Rob was pickin' up her tab all night. Boy, was he sore when I told 'im he'd wasted his money and she wasn't goin' home with him," Jim smiled at the thought; he thought Rob preyed on the drunk women a bit too much.

"Thanks for lookin' out of her, I know Mike's grateful." Johnny headed out to the parking lot mentally calculating how much alcohol Ashley had consumed based on her weight. He wondered when was the last time she had any food in her stomach.

Mike was just getting her situated in the truck when Johnny walked over. Mike took the purse from Chet, pulled out her keys and handed them to Johnny. He looked over at Chet and Marco, "Thanks for callin' me."

"Do you need us to do anything else, pal?" Marco asked.

"Nah, I think Johnny and I can take it from here. She's gonna be embarrassed enough when she starts sobering up." Mike moved around to the driver's side of the truck while Johnny started the corvette.

Man, this is a nice car, he thought shifting it into drive. He followed Mike back to Ashley's apartment; surprised Mike never had to pull over for Ashley to get sick.


	5. Chapter 5

Johnny parked the corvette into a parking spot and hurried over to help Mike with Ashley. Ashley was leaning against passenger door, her head against the window; she looked like she may have passed out. Johnny looked over at Mike who was rounding the front of the truck, "Did she pass out?"

"No, she was mumbling something just a second ago; I think she may be trying to avoid getting sick." Mike handed Johnny the bag he had brought with him earlier. "I thought you might need these."

"Yeah, when we did paramedic training we needed our own stethoscope and bp cuff. I brought mine so I can decide if she can just stay with us or needs to go to the hospital. I'll open the door slowly and you can help her out," Johnny moved to open the door.

Mike helped Ashley out, but when she couldn't stand he picked her up to carry her inside. Johnny closed the truck door and caught up with Mike. "Do you know which apartment?"

"5D," Mike said. Johnny found the house key on Ashley's key ring as they rode in the elevator and let them into the apartment.

"Mike, go ahead and take her to her bedroom. I'll check her vitals and make sure she is doing well enough to stay with us. She ingested a lot of alcohol," Johnny looked over at Mike hoping his meaning was clear.

Mike just nodded his head and carried Ashley toward the bedroom.

Johnny moved over to kneel down beside the bed. He put his hands on her wrist and Ashley tried to pull her hand back, "Oo," she protested.

"Ashley, it's Johnny. I need to check you out, okay. You've had a lot to drink and I need to make sure you're okay. I'm gonna take your pulse first, okay."

"Mmm," Ashley didn't protest this time when Johnny reached for her wrist.

"Good girl, now I'm just gonna put my hand on your stomach okay," Johnny moved a hand to Ashley's abdomen counting her respirations. Ten and steady, low, but not alcohol poisoning level yet.

Johnny pulled the bp cuff out of his bag, "Ashley, one more thing, I need to take your blood pressure. I'm putting the cuff around your arm now," Johnny slid the bp cuff around her arm and put the stethoscope into his ears. He checked her bp and ran his hand through his hair.

"Look, Mike, her vitals are so-so, but the alcohol level will continue to rise as her body processes what she's already drank," Johnny paused looking at the woman lying on the bed. "We can watch her, but taking her to a hospital would not be unwarranted."

"Mm, 'on eel so goo," Ashley tried to get off the bed.

"Uh-oh," Mike ran into the hallway and opened a closet that had coats and shoes. He quickly entered the kitchen and opened the cabinet under the sink. He pulled the bucket out from under the sink and ran back to the bedroom. Johnny helped roll Ashley to her side as she started to get sick.

"Johnny, why don't you go into the bathroom and see if you can find something to hold her hair back," Mike held Ashley's hair in one hand while he tried to hold a cloth to her forehead. He'd never seen a woman get this sick before.

Johnny held out his hand for the cloth, "I'll wet it with more cold water." Johnny entered the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet above the sink. His eyes fell to a medicine bottle on the second shelf, "Valium," Johnny whispered. He picked up the bottle looking at it more closely. I hope she didn't take any of these prior to going out, Johnny thought putting the bottle back into the medicine cabinet and closing the door. He opened up a drawer and found a pony tail holder. He dampened the cloth and headed back into the bedroom.

Mike and Johnny spent the next several hours trying to take care of Ashley. Johnny kept monitoring her vitals and was pleased that they seemed to be improving. Johnny finally felt it would be safe to let her fall asleep, he had been working hard to keep her awake knowing that it could be dangerous for her to lose consciousness.

He walked back into the living room having checked her vitals again, she was sleeping soundly, her breathing was regular and up to fourteen respirations. Her bp was coming back up and he felt they were past the time when they needed to be concerned. He looked at Mike who was sitting slumped forward in a chair, his head in his hands.

"Hey, Mike, can I ask you a question?"

Mike looked up and just nodded slightly.

"Why," Johnny paused trying to think how to phrase the question. "Why do you feel like you need to watch out for her? It seems to me like this lady is trouble, she disobeyed Cap, went out to get drunk, dressed pretty provocatively. She was gonna go home with a guy she didn't know. Why put yourself through this?"

"Johnny, you don't understand. This isn't the girl she was ten years ago," Mike sounded miserable.

"That's right man, ten years ago," Johnny said. "You don't know her anymore; she isn't the girl you knew back then."

"And that is my fault," Mike stood up and started pacing around the room. "I'm the reason she is like this today, I, I," Mike shook his head and looked like he may vomit.

"C'mon, Mike," Johnny stood up and put his hand on Mike's shoulder. "I've known you a long time man; there is nothing you did that could be that bad."

"Really? I spent months waiting for the cops to come arrest me because of that day," Mike moved away from Johnny and looked out the picture window at the parking lot, but he was seeing the woods, the smell of damp earth, the heaviness of the air; his stomach lurched and he ran for the kitchen sink making it just seconds before he lost what was left of his stomach contents. He cleaned out the sink before speaking again, Johnny was watching his friend's back, his mind racing at what Mike could have possibly done that would make the police arrest him.

Mike leaned over taking a drink out of the faucet, rinsed his mouth and spit the water down the drain. He turned back to his friend and leaned against the counter for support. "I figure the only reason they didn't is because she never told them it was my fault," Mike jerked his head toward the bedroom where Ashley still slept.

"Mike," Johnny paused not knowing what to say, his mind was reeling. What could Mike have done that would be so bad? The images that flashed through the young paramedics mind just didn't fit with what he knew of the man standing in front of him.

Mike shook his head, "She doesn't have any soup or crackers that I could find. I'm gonna run to the store and buy her some supplies to help her get through today. Do you mind staying with her until I get back? I don't want her to wake up alone." Mike kept his eyes averted from Johnny's. He couldn't handle seeing what was there, the disappointment his friend must feel toward him now. Mike had worked so hard to prove he was better than he had been back then, and now it was all slipping away.

Johnny just nodded, not sure he could speak. His chest felt tight and the images that were racing through his head made him feel sick, but every time he tried to reconcile one of those images with Mike committing any of the acts, his head and his heart rejected them. Mike was a great guy, courteous, responsible, reserved, and protective; the type of guy you described as salt of the earth. Guys like Mike didn't commit acts that ruined people's lives.

Johnny looked up as a sound came from the bedroom. He glanced at the clock really starting to worry about Mike. He had been gone over an hour, for something that should have been a quick trip. When he heard another noise from the bedroom he put down the book he had been reading and made his way toward the bedroom.

Ashley was sitting on the edge of the bed; she had her hands pressing down on her head.

"Headache?" Johnny asked quietly moving toward her.

She jumped, and Johnny raised his hands in front of him, much the way he would to a frightened victim. "It's okay, it's just me. Mike and I brought you home last night and have been keepin' an eye on you," Johnny stopped a few feet from Ashley. "I'd like to check your vitals again, is that okay?"

At her nod Johnny moved closer and knelt down beside the bed. He took her wrist in his hand and quietly counted her pulse. A little fast, but that was expected since he had scared her when he walked into the room. He reached over to get his bp cuff. After a few minutes he leaned back on his heels and offered her a smile, "Looks like you're gonna survive."

"Where's Mike?" Her question was barely a whisper.

"He went out to get you some soup and crackers, he should be back soon." Johnny tried to keep the concern out of his voice, hoping his statement was true.

Ashley swallowed and looked around the room, anywhere but at Johnny. "I need to take a shower," She tried to stand, but her legs wouldn't support her weight and the room moved when she tried to stand.

"Easy," Johnny stood taking her arm and helping her back to the bed. "I don't think a shower is such a good idea yet."

"Pl-Please, I ju-just need to get cleaned up, and ch-changed," Ashley looked down at the seductive dress she wore, it was pulled up very high. She tried unsuccessfully to pull the skirt down. Her cheeks starting to turn pink.

"I can help you into a bath," Johnny said feeling pity for the young woman. "But," Johnny waited until she met his gaze. "You're gonna have to let me help you. You're weak and gonna feel dizzy. I don't want to risk you falling."

Ashley's faced turned bright red, "You wouldn't have to," she looked down unable to finish the question.

"I'll help you run the water and get everything you need into the bathroom. I'll have to help you get out of this dress, but I'll step out before you take anything else off. You'll have to keep the door unlocked so I can get in if you need me." Johnny thought about what she may or may not be able to do on her own. "Drain the water and dry off the best you can while still in the tub. Sit on the edge of the tub to get dressed, don't stand up. If you feel dizzy or like you're gonna lose consciousness you have to call me, no matter what," Johnny moved his head to make eye contact, making sure his meaning was clear.

Ashley simply nodded. Johnny moved toward the bathroom to start running the water, checking to make sure the temperature wasn't getting too hot. He walked back into the bedroom, "What clothes should I get?"

She directed him to a drawer to pull out a pair of sweatpants, and another for a T-shirt. Johnny paused looking at her. Ashley took in deep breath and pointed to the top right drawer. He opened it removing a bra and pair of underwear. Johnny felt the heat starting to rise up his neck and quickly stepped out of the room to deposit the clothing in the bathroom. He laid out a towel and wash cloth for her.

He moved back into bedroom. "Do you think you can walk?"

Ashley nodded her head and tried to stand. Johnny covered the distance between them in three quick steps, "Not without me, Ashley. Do you understand? I don't want you to try to stand up unless I am next to you to keep you from falling. "

Ashley nodded her response and slowly started making her way toward the bathroom. Johnny was pretty sure he was doing more to move her than she was doing herself and in reality picking her up and carrying her to the bathroom would have probably been easier.

When they made it to the bathroom he helped her sit on the edge of the tub so she could rest for a minute. He kept a hand on her arm to keep her steady.

"Are you ready?" Johnny asked.

"Y-yes," she whispered.

"I'm gonna have to stand you up, once I get the dress up to your waist I will have you sit back down, okay?"

Ashley nodded refusing to meet his gaze. Johnny stood her up and pulled the dress up to her waist revealing light pink lace panties. He moved his eyes to her face and noticed the blush was back in her cheeks. He decided not to try to add any humor to the situation and just helped her sit back down.

Johnny took a deep breath feeling uncomfortable himself, he wished Mike was here. Then the image of his friend vomiting in the sink came to his mind and he thought maybe it was best he wasn't here. Johnny shook the image out of his mind and looked back at Ashley, "Okay, Ashley. I want you to raise your arms and I'm going to pull the dress over your head."

She did as he instructed and he slipped the dress off over her head revealing a matching bra. Ashley crossed her arms over her middle and leaned forward slightly trying to make herself as small as possible. Johnny had to fight the urge to wrap her in a hug, she looked so vulnerable. "Can you handle the rest?" He asked taking a step back away from her.

She nodded and he stepped out of the bathroom closing the door, but making sure it wasn't locked. He started to walk back to the living room, but changed his mind, sliding down the wall he took a seat on the floor, his head leaning against the wall as he watched the bathroom door. Where is Mike, he wondered looking at his watch.

Mike stared across the deep ravine to the other embankment. A walking bridge joined the two sides and Mike wondered briefly how long it had been there. He knew it hadn't been there ten years ago. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he thought back to that horrible day. His breathing was ragged as images flashed through his mind. He should get back, Ashley needed him, he needed to be there to watch out for her; unlike he had done that day.

The grief pressed down on him, he dropped to his knees, covering his head with his arms. His heart ached over all that was lost because of the decisions he had made back then. His own desires overriding his common sense. After several minutes, Mike stood up, determined he would do anything he could to try to make up for that day. No matter what he had to do, he would protect Ashley now. Somehow, he would try to make amends, even though it would never be enough to make up for what she had lost that day.

Mike strode back to the truck. His need to get back to Ashley almost as overwhelming as the grief he felt.

"Ashley, are you okay?" Johnny asked. He had heard the water drain several minutes ago, but now there was no noise coming from behind the bathroom door.

Ashley looked at the door for a long moment without answering. She had really hoped she would be able to do this without help, but every time she tried to stand up the color faded from her vision and she knew she was in danger of passing out. "I, I'm s-sorry, Johnny. I d-do need your help," her voice was barely a whisper, but Johnny was opening the door before she had even finished the sentence.

She sat on the edge of the tub her wet hair hanging down onto her T-shirt, her skin very pale. She had gotten the sweat pants over her feet and pulled up to her knees, but obviously had not been able to stand up to pull them all the way up.

Johnny gave her a small smile, "Why don't you put your arms around my neck and I'll help you," Johnny bent down so she could wrap her arms around him.

He grabbed the band of her sweatpants and stood them up pulling the pants with one hand as he wrapped his other hand around her waist offering her support. Johnny smiled at the smell of her soap and shampoo; it reminded him of his mom, very fresh and natural, not scented with heavy perfumes.

Johnny leaned back and looked at her pale skin and the dark circles under squinting eyes. He knew she had to have a bad headache and the lights were probably bothering her. He reached over and turned off the bathroom lights. She smiled at him slightly. "Let's get you into the kitchen and get you some toast and coffee."

She stumbled with the first step and he had to hold her to keep her from falling. She was leaning heavily against him and he knew she was probably dehydrated enough that she was having trouble staying upright.

"Ashley, don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's best if you just let me pick you up and get you to the living room."

Ashley met his eyes for the first time since he had entered the bathroom. It looked like she was going to object, but then she dropped her head and sighed quietly. She gave a barely perceptible nod and he scooped her up and carried her into the living room. He got her situated on the couch and walked into the kitchen to pour her a cup of coffee and dropped the bread into the toaster.

He brought her the coffee and noticed her hand shaking as she reached for the cup. He needed to get some food in her and get her blood sugar up. Johnny looked out the picture window at the parking lot, where is Mike, he thought again. It was now passing two hours since his friend had left the apartment.

Johnny buttered the toast and carried it back to the living room. He handed it to Ashley and sat down across from her watching her look at the food.

"Ashley, you really need to eat something."

She picked up the toast and obediently took a small bite. Johnny looked over at the book he had been reading earlier. "I've been reading your book," Johnny pointed to the book on the table. "I Have Spoken: American History Through The Voices Of The Indians. It's really good. Why do you have a book on an Indian's perspective of Indian-White relations?"

"My mom was half Indian," Ashley said picking at her toast. "I like learning about life from the Indian perspective."

"I'm half Indian," John smiled at her. "Do you mind if I borrow the book?"

"No, help yourself," Ashley reached for the coffee cup and took another sip.

Johnny turned as a movement in the parking lot caught his attention. Mike's truck pulled into a parking spot and the Engineer got out grabbing several bags of groceries from the seat. Johnny moved to open the door.

"What took so long?" Johnny asked as he took two of the bags from Mike.

"I had to run another errand," Mike said avoiding looking at Johnny. Johnny saw enough though that he was pretty sure Mike had been crying.

"I think I should lie back down," Ashley said quietly putting the plate down on the coffee table next to the coffee cup.

Johnny looked at the toast, she had only eaten a half of one piece. Her coffee cup was still mostly full.

Johnny sat down next to her on the couch. "I really need you to eat and drink a little bit more. Finish one piece of toast, I will get you a small glass of water and if you finish that then you can go back to sleep for a bit," Johnny rested his hand on her knee, watching her face.

She kept her gaze on the carpet, but moved to pick up a piece of toast. Johnny stood up and went into the kitchen to get her some water.

"I can take care of her from here, Johnny," Mike said as he was putting away the groceries. "I really appreciate you coming last night."

Johnny looked over at Mike, his friend for several years, more than that, his brother. Someone he trusted with his life. "You know I'd do anything I could for you, pal." Johnny looked at Mike hoping he'd understand that he was here for him, not matter what his past held.

Mike slapped Johnny on the back, "Go ahead, get outta here. Enjoy your day off."

"Let me make sure she drinks this and then I will get her back to bed. You're gonna have to push her to eat, and especially drink the rest of the day. Dehydration is the concern now." Johnny moved back to the living room and handed Ashley the water. He took her plate and threw it in the trash.

After she had finished the water she put the glass on the coffee table and tried to stand. Johnny quickly moved to her side. "Same rule still applies; you don't stand without someone near you."

She nodded as she began to make her way down the hallway to her bedroom with Johnny. He helped her under the covers, but before he exited the room she grabbed his wrist.

He looked down meeting her gaze, "Thank you, Johnny. I'm," she hesitated looking away from him for a moment. She looked back her green eyes locking with his dark ones. "I'm really sorry, for last night," she hesitated again.

Johnny sat down on the bed and ran his hand over her hair; it was still damp to the touch. He took his thumb and brushed away a tear that escaped. "I'm gonna head out," Johnny looked over his shoulder at the empty doorway; he could still hear Mike moving around in the kitchen.

"Ashley," Johnny lowered his voice slightly, "do you feel safe here alone with Mike?" Johnny hated himself for asking the question, but he couldn't ignore the images that had raced through his mind earlier. He couldn't imagine Mike ever hurting a woman, but as a paramedic/fireman, his job was to keep people safe. The question had to be asked.

Ashley narrowed her eyes, not sure she was understanding the question in her fuzzy state. After a long pause she just nodded her head. Johnny squeezed her hand and left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Johnny called Roy after leaving Ashley's apartment and asked if he could swing by for a few minutes. As he pulled into the driveway Joanne was loading the kids in the car. "Uh-oh, did I interrupt something?" Johnny asked parking his Rover in the street?

"You're Roy's excuse for getting out of shopping for new shoes for the kids." Joanne gave Johnny a quick hug as he bounded up the drive to say Hi to Chris and Jennifer.

"So he owes me big time, but how much do you hate me right now?" Johnny gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Joanne laughed, "It depends on how bad this shopping trip is." She climbed in the car and gave two quick beeps as she pulled away from the house.

Johnny let himself in the front door, "Roy? Where ya at?"

"In the kitchen," Roy called out as he pulled two coffee cups from the cupboard.

Johnny walked into the familiar kitchen and took a seat at the table. Roy carried over the two steaming cups of coffee and sat down across from his partner. Roy took in the dark circles and disheveled appearance, "What's wrong, you look like you just worked a hard shift and last I heard you weren't doing any overtime this week?"

"I just spent the whole night at Ashley's." Johnny said blowing on his coffee.

Roy, who had just taken a drink, spit the hot liquid across the table, "What?"

"Jeez, Roy," Johnny stood up to go grab paper towels.

Roy coughed choking a bit on the liquid, "You slept with Ashley?" Roy wasn't sure what he felt other than complete shock.

"Wh-what, no!" Johnny wiped up the coffee off the table and tossed the towel at Roy. "She went to Flames and got completely drunk. Mike called me to keep an eye on her vitals 'cause he didn't want to take her to the hospital. God, Roy."

"Ashley got drunk?" Roy was still trying to reconcile the image of the woman he had spent a 24 hour shift with, with the one Johnny was painting.

"She was about to go home with Rob from 101; but Chet and Marco intervened. Anyway, that isn't what I came over here to talk to you about. I need to talk to you about what Mike told me while we were at her apartment."

"Chet and Marco were at Ashley's apartment too," Roy was having trouble following Johnny's story, which wasn't unusual as Johnny's mind tended to jump around when he was telling a story, but this time Roy was struggling to reconcile the Ashley Johnny was talking about with the one he had fixed in his brain.

"No, Chet and Marco were at Flames, they called Mike to come get her when they realized she was about to get herself into big trouble," Johnny said getting frustrated. "That isn't the important part; wil you just listen so I can tell you about Mike."

"Okay, what about Mike," Roy was trying to picture Ashley drunk and trying to go home with Rob, the guy was kinda sleazy, why would she have been leaving with him?

Johnny recognized the faraway look on his partner's face and knew he wasn't listening to him, "Roy!"

"What?"

"You're not listening; this is IMPORTANT." Johnny was obviously upset.

"Sorry, sorry. You have my full attention," Roy forced himself to concentrate on what Johnny was saying.

"I asked Mike why he was doing all this, putting up with Ashley's drama, I mean he hasn't seen the girl in 10 years. He tells me he did something to her that the police should have arrested him for 10 years ago and he is the reason she is such a mess. He figures the only reason he wasn't arrested is because she didn't tell anyone what he did. Man, can you believe that? I just can't imagine Mike doin' anything that would result in the police looking for him, or that would mess up someone's life. My mind has ran through all these possible scenarios, all more gruesome than the last, but none of it fits with Mike. At least the Mike we know. Whaddya think he did?"

Roy's mouth was hanging open and he just looked dumbfounded, "Mike hurt Ashley?" Roy just couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"That's the only thing I can figure," Johnny remembered asking Ashley if she felt safe with Mike. "Before I left her alone with him this morning, I asked her if she felt safe with him." Johnny lowered his voice as he said the last four words. He looked down at the floor, away from Roy. "I felt so horrible for asking, but Mike physically got sick when he talked about it. Roy," Johnny paused as he looked his partner in the eye, "she hesitated before she said yes."

Roy felt the beginnings of a headache; his mind just couldn't process all this information. Mike had hurt Ashley ten years ago, she wasn't sure she felt safe with him now, Mike thought he should have been arrested for what he had done, Ashley had gotten drunk in a bar and was going to go home with some guy she didn't know. It was all just too much to process.

His thoughts must have shown on his face because Johnny leaned back in the chair and raised his coffee cup, but before he took his drink he shook his head, "I know, pal, I know, it is just too much."

E

Ashley dreaded going back to work. She had learned from Mike that Chet and Marco had been the ones to call him from the bar; Johnny had been at her apartment. That meant the only two that didn't know she'd made a complete fool out of herself were Roy and Captain Stanley.

She pulled her car into a space beside Mike's truck. He was waiting for her in the cab. He got out when she pulled up, "How ya feelin'?" Mike asked opening her door.

"More nervous than my first shift," Ashley got out and leaned against the car.

Mike gave her a reassuring smile, "These are great guys, they won't hold it against you."

Ashley walked in the station with Mike, "Let me check and see if C shift is done with the locker room, if they are you can change first." Mike went in to the day room and Ashley ran her hand along the squad. She loved being able to do this job, but how long would it last she wondered. They'd never let her be a firefighter here, she didn't want to ever go back to North Carolina. She just couldn't see a future, no matter how hard she wished for one.

"Ashley, their done, go ahead and change and I'll head off any A shift guys," Mike leaned in the bay.

Ashley headed for the locker room and Mike headed for the parking lot, figuring he would meet the guys as they pulled in.

Johnny was parking just as Mike walked back outside. "How's she doin'?" Johnny lifted his chin in the direction of the Corvette.

"Better. Thanks again, John. I would've had to take her to the hospital if it hadn't been for you."

"You know we are all here for you Mike, no matter what you need."

Marco pulled into the parking lot next with Chet immediately behind him. "How is she?" Marco said exiting his vehicle, Chet quickly walked over to join the group.

"She's okay, she's inside changing." Mike started heading back into the station as Roy pulled up.

"Did she say what she was thinking pullin' a stunt like that?" Chet asked.

"You don't know anything Chet, drop it," Mike warned.

When Chet went to speak again Johnny grabbed his arm, "She's Mike's friend, he sets the rules."

"What rules?" Roy walked over joining the group.

"Nothing," Mike said ending the conversation. "Ashley should have changed by now, let's go get ready for roll call."

E

It wasn't long before the squad got their first call, a toddler injured in a fall. When they pulled up to the playground the mother was practically hysterical. Johnny and Roy knelt down checking out the child while Ashley worked on setting up the biophone.

"Ma'am, you need to step back so we can help your son," Johnny said for the third time.

Ashley slid the biophone next to Johnny and stood up. She put her arm around the woman's shoulders and stepped her to the side. "Ma'am, let me get some information about your son. These men are the best, let them help him."

Ashley took down the information about the boy, explaining to the mom each action Johnny and Roy were taking as they worked on her son. "See that phone," Ashley pointed to the biophone. "That connects the paramedics directly to the doctors at the hospital. Right now they are talking to Dr. Brackett at Rampart General Hospital. He is a very well-known doctor in Emergency Medicine."

The boy started to move, the mom tried to run over, but Ashley held her back. "Give them just a minute, as soon as he's ready to go to the hospital we'll let you ride in the ambulance with him."

Ashley joined Johnny in the squad as the ambulance left with the Roy, the boy and his mother.

"I wonder if I'll run into that cute new nurse," Johnny mentioned as he drove into the parking lot of the hospital.

"Hasn't she already turned you down twice for a date?" Ashley asked getting out of the squad.

"Third time's the charm," Johnny said flashing a grin.

They had just walked up to the nursing station when Johnny spotted her. "There she is," he said. He straightened his shirt and started to move in her direction.

"Johnny, wait." Ashley grabbed his arm stopping him.

"What?" He looked back frustrated.

"I owe you for taking such good care of me the other day, let me help you out," Ashley looked over at the nurse who was talking with two other nurses. Ashley leaned back against the nursing station, "Come over here and look into my eyes."

"What?" Johnny said looking away from the nurse back at Ashley, totally confused.

"Come stand directly in front of me," Ashley said again.

Johnny was looking at her like she was crazy, "What?"

"Trust me, stand directly in front of me, look down into my eyes," As Johnny complied Ashley stole a quick glance at the nurse. She was not even looking in their direction.

"Now take your right hand and place it on the counter a little behind me so you have to lean in close to me," Ashley instructed looking up at Johnny.

Johnny did as he was told, noticing again how nice Ashley smelled as he got closer to her. Ashley tilted her head back and laughed. "Now lean forward and pretend to whisper in my ear," she said as she brought her head back up and looked down the hall, noticing the new nurse was now watching them.

"What do you want me to whisper," Johnny whispered in her ear.

Ashley turned her back to the new nurse and put her hand on Johnny's arm. "No matter what, keep looking in my eyes, ignoring everyone else around us," Ashley said as she leaned in a bit closer to him. "When she walks over and asks you what you're doing on your next day off, give her a few vague plans, but state that nothing has been set yet. When she asks you out, hesitate for a minute, and then say 'sure, why not'; like it's no big deal. "

"What makes you think, she's gonna.."

"Hi, Johnny," the nurse walked over stopping Johnny from finishing his sentence. "Remember me, Sally," she said looking up at him.

Ashley stepped back and off to the side. Johnny watched as she cocked one eyebrow and gave Sally a quick once over. Sally was watching Ashley as well. It took Johnny an immense amount of willpower not to laugh at the show Ashley was putting on.

Ashley put her hand back on Johnny's arm, "I'm gonna go get those supplies. I'll meet you in the squad in 5?" Ashley waited for Johnny to answer, but kept her gaze on Sally.

"Uh, yeah, sure, uh, 5 minutes," Johnny stammered.

Ashley walked away and Johnny turned to find Sally moving closer to him.

Roy was walking out of the treatment room as Ashley walked down the hall, "C'mon, we're gonna meet Johnny at the squad."

"Where is he?" Roy asked looking around.

"Getting a date with that new nurse," Ashley stepped out into the sun.

"Sally? She's already turned him down twice," Roy leaned against the squad looking at Ashley. "What did you do?"

Ashley looked up and innocently batted her eyelashes, "Who me?"

Roy was still laughing when Johnny came bounding out the doors. He grabbed Ashley by the arms, "How did you know that was gonna work?" Johnny was practically bouncing up and down.

Ashley just winked at him, "Let's just say, I know the type."

"Type? What type? What have you heard about her?" Johnny switched from elated to concerned immediately.

Ashley and Roy both started laughing. Ashley slid into squad, with Johnny right behind her. "Seriously, what have you heard?"

"Squad 51 available," Ashley said into mic and then looked over at Johnny. "Nothing, relax. I just meant I'm a woman too."

"Oh, oh, right, okay," Johnny then started talking non-stop about his plans for his date.

Roy rolled his eyes and started the squad. Ashley momentarily wished she could have a guy that excited about dating her; and then made herself concentrate on Johnny and his plans for the date. She interjected where she thought she could help make the night a better success.

Johnny bounded out of the squad off to brag about his upcoming date to the rest of the guys. Ashley shook her head watching him head into the day room, "He's like a three year old in candy store."

Roy slipped his arm around Ashley's shoulders, "He's like a three year old that has eaten half the candy in a candy store; and this time it's your fault."

"I guess this is what they mean by the saying, 'no good deed goes unpunished'. He's gonna be impossible the rest of this shift isn't he?"

"Yep," Roy said as he led Ashley into the kitchen.

E

Ashley had been assigned dinner duty and Mike joined her as she made dinner, having finished his other duties.

"That was nice of you helping Johnny land a date. He's struck out with Sally already, how'd you do it?" Mike leaned against the wall as Ashley placed the glass baking dishes in the oven.

She turned and smiled at him, "Despite my best efforts to pretend otherwise, I am still a woman, which makes me pretty intuitive. I've seen Sally around Rampart the couple times I have been there, she just needed a reason to give Johnny a chance; having it appear he was into another girl got her attention.

"Seems like a kinda bad trait," Mike said stealing a piece of cheese off the top of the salad.

Ashley pretended to slap his hand, "Not really. I mean it can be, but sometimes it just makes us realize we may have overlooked something valuable about that person and we take a second look. "

Mike stole another piece of cheese.

"Michael Stoker," Ashley pointed her finger at him with a stern look. "Can you get salad dressings out of the fridge for me?" Ashley asked as she picked up the salad and started walking toward the table. The others guys quickly joined them and started setting the table.

"This is amazing, Ashley, I think we should make you cook all the time," Chet said taking another bite of the bacon cheddar chicken.

"Much better than anything you ever made," Johnny said with his mouth full of food.

"Gage, eat with your mouth closed man, there's a lady at the table." Cap reprimanded him.

"Sorry," Johnny apologized with his mouth still full.

After dinner Ashley walked to the Captain's office where he was working on paperwork. She knocked on the door frame; Captain Stanley looked up, "What can I do for you?"

"Can I come in for a minute?" Ashley asked.

"Sure," he put away his log book and folded his hands on the desk.

Ashley closed the door as she entered the office and Captain Stanley raised an eyebrow, "That serious, huh?"

"Captain Stanley, I am trying really hard to just 'be one of the guys'. Do you think you could please not point out that I am the lady present?" Ashley stood by the desk.

"Ashley, sit down," Captain Stanley waited until Ashley had a seat across from him.

"Regardless of what you may want, you are a woman. Maybe it's sound chauvinistic to you, but I think women should be treated certain ways, men should hold doors for them, carry heavy packages, watch their language around them and generally make sure they're safe. I don't think that makes women inferior to men, I think it makes them valuable gifts that should be treasured and protected. So, no, I'm sorry, I can't treat you like 'one of the guys' and I'm not going to encourage my men to treat you that way."

Ashley smiled at his statement, it sounded like a nice way to be treated. But, then her face fell and the underlying message of his statement kicked in, "So you'd never recommend me for the fire academy," she said, it was a statement, not a question, she knew the answer.

Captain Stanley looked at Ashley, her downcast eyes and sad expression, "Doctors recommend a minimum weight of 143 lbs. for a firefighter, male or female. So they are physically able to handle the demands of this job. Being under that weight, is dangerous, both for you and your colleagues. Ashley, how much do you weigh?" Captain Stanley leaned back in his chair and looked at her.

Ashley held his gaze for a minute before responding, "118 lbs."

"Are you willing to gain 25 lbs., for this job? Keeping in mind it would need to be muscle weight, do you even think you could do that? To be honest, I'm not sure how you managed to get certified in North Carolina."

"They did not lower standards, Captain," Ashley jumped to her feet.

"Calm down," Captain Stanley leaned forward, putting his elbows on his desk. "I'm not sayin' they did."

Ashley sat down, "I think they may have tried," she said quietly. "I would be given a mannequin for an exercise, but I noticed it wasn't the same one the guys grabbed, so I started taking mine from the guy in front of me. I carried my own stop watch too, because I caught them stopping the watch before I was actually done with the drill. I know I earned my spot on that team." Ashley finished emphatically.

"So why don't you just do what you set out to do here, get the information to start a paramedic program in North Carolina and go back?"

Ashley looked down at the Captain's desk, "Thank you for letting me speak to you," Ashley stood up. "I appreciate your view on women, in many ways I wish all men felt the same way." Ashley turned and walked out the door. Captain Stanley sat for a long minute looking at the open doorway.

E

Ashley tried to fall asleep, but Captain Stanley's words kept circling around in her brain, "why don't you just go back to North Carolina"; because they hate me, she thought, finally throwing back the covers and getting out of bed. She didn't even bother putting on her uniform pants. She quietly walked into the locker room and pulled out her pill bottle. She dropped a pill into her hand, stuffed the bottle back in the bag and walked into the kitchen. She sat down on the couch with her glass of water and just stared at the wall.

"You're gonna have to learn to sleep here," Roy said as he walked into the kitchen.

"What are you doing up?" Ashley looked at the clock, it was past midnight.

"I think I tweaked my shoulder on that last run. I need a couple aspirin."

She watched as Roy took the aspirin bottle from the cabinet and dropped a couple into his mouth without water. "I don't know how you take a pill without water."

"Practice," Roy said leaning against the counter. He was thinking about what Johnny had told him. Roy walked over toward the couch wondering how to get Ashley to open up about her past with Mike. He sat down near Ashley, but on the edge of the couch so he could lean forward and try to stretch his shoulders.

Ashley maneuvered slightly behind him and began to rub his shoulders. "The right shoulder?" She asked feeling the stiffness in that shoulder compared to the left.

"Yeah, I think I pulled it tryin' to get that guy onto the gurney," Roy rolled his shoulder slightly forward.

"He was a big man," Ashley sat up on her knees so she could get a better angle on his shoulder. She leaned in close trying to put pressure on the spot where should could feel the tension. She inhaled his aftershave and smiled, "I love your aftershave, very manly." She moved her hands to his neck, working on his neck muscles.

Roy dropped his head forward feeling himself starting to relax, all thoughts of talking to her about Mike going out of his head, "Mmm, that feels great."

Ashley adjusted to move closer to Roy; she slid one knee behind him on the couch and slid the other along the left side of his body, her bare calf resting against his thigh, her breasts leaning against his back, she took a deep inhale; he smelled so good. She ran her nails up the back of his neck and into his hair, using her thumb to start massaging the base of his head. Roy suddenly became very aware of her nearness; and both their level of dress, or undress as the case may be. He had not bothered to pull on his bunkers prior to coming into the kitchen so he was wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt. He could feel her bare calf pressing against his bare thigh where his boxer shorts ended. Her skin was remarkably soft.

"Um, Ash, I, uh, really appreciate the massage, it feels much better." Roy stood up and turned back to face her. Her eyes met his and her feelings for him were written all over her face. Roy swallowed hard, "I think we'd best try to get some sleep."

Ashley looked around suddenly uncomfortable, "Yeah, sure. Why don't you go ahead; I'll be there soon." Ashley found it a bit difficult to breathe.

Roy walked out of the dayroom, but stopped before going into the dorm. He remembered Johnny leaning forward asking him what was going on between him and Ashley, was that really just last shift? Roy took a couple deep breaths trying to get Ashley's beautiful green eyes out of his head. He knew what he saw when he looked at her just a moment ago; she had a crush on him. After having Johnny tell him last month that he didn't have "it" anymore, meaning he couldn't attract women, Roy had to admit it felt nice having a beautiful woman interested in him. But, at the same time, he knew someone was going to get hurt if he didn't handle this better than he was so far.


	7. Chapter 7

The tones sounded jerking everyone in the dorm from their sleep. Ashley grabbed her uniform pants and slipped them on quickly, sliding her feet into her shoes as she grabbed her shirt. She found the men already on their way out of the dorm as she turned around. She continued to button her shirt as she walked to the squad. Johnny held the door allowing her to slide in.

The station was heading out for a call of a child trapped in a hole. Ashley looked at her watch, what was a child doing outside at 4:00 AM she thought.

They arrived on scene to find two very frantic parents and about eight scared looking children probably around the age of ten. "My daughter was having a slumber party for her birthday," the father started explaining as Captain Stanley approached him; Roy, Johnny and Ashley close to his side. "The kids decided to go outside and play flashlight tag. We have an old well in the back, the boards were starting to rot, I kept meaning to replace them."

"Show us where," Captain Stanley said. "Chet, Marco, bring some lights. Johnny, Roy, better grab some life belts and ropes."

The dad led them around to the back of the house, about 50 feet from the back door. Chet and Marco shined the lights down the hole and you could see the top of the young girl's head down about 25 feet.

"Has she spoken at all?" Ashley asked kneeling down near the hole.

"No, not a word," the dad said.

"What's her name?" Captain Stanley asked.

"Carol," the mother said with a teary voice.

"Carol, we are with the fire department. We are going to help you; can you hear me?" Captain Stanley called out to the young girl.

Everyone strained to see if they could hear any sounds. Ashley looked up to see if anyone else heard the soft moan.

"I heard her," Johnny said looking down at Ashley.

The hole was very tight. From the way the girl appeared to be positioned someone was going to have to be able to get their hands between Carol and the walls and try to pull her up. Captain Stanley looked at the hole and looked at Johnny, rubbing his finger above his lip. He looked over at Ashley and back to Johnny.

"Johnny, give Ashley your turnout. Roy start helping her with the life belt and lines. We are going to put her in upside down so make sure she is secure. Ashley, you have one shot. See if you can get your arms down along her sides and pull her up."

"Yes, Cap," Ashley took off her helmet and slid her arm into the turnout that Johnny held out for her. Ashley tried not to smile because of the gravity of the situation, but Captain Stanley was trusting her to assist in an actual rescue.

Roy finished securing the lines, "She's ready."

Ashley moved toward the hole, Captain Stanley checked the lines one more time. Satisfied they were secure he moved over to the hole and knelt down, "Carol, I am sending a paramedic down to get you. Her name is Ashley. She is going to try to get her hands under your arms and we will pull you both up. I want you to try not to move and let Ashley do all the work, okay, Carol?"

A small noise came from the hole. Ashley knelt down preparing to lean into the hole. Marco, Chet and Mike were securing the line. Johnny leaned over and checked the belt one last time. "I'll hold your ankles as long as I can and then the rope will keep you secure," Johnny said grasping Ashley's ankles as she leaned further in.

It was a tight fit, for a second Ashley felt like she was stuck; there was not a lot of room to breathe and Ashley felt herself start to panic. She closed her eyes and willed herself to relax. A little girl was depending on her and this was her chance to prove she could do this job. Ashley reached her hands forward and used her arms to pull herself further down the hole.

At the top Mike exchanged a worried glance with the Captain. No one was saying a word, it was always concerning when one of the men went into a rescue situation, anything could happen. The idea they were sending a woman into one of those situations increased everyone's stress level.

Ashley reached the little girl, there was not a lot of room but she managed to slide her arm down between her and the wall, reaching under her arm and getting a secure grip on both sides. "I've got her," Ashley called out.

"Okay, men, slow and easy," Captain Stanley gave the order to start pulling them out.

Johnny knelt by the hole watching the slow progress. As soon as he could, he reached down and grasped Ashley's ankles again, more so she would know she was close to being out then to actually be of any help getting her out. He grasped her life belt and helped her back out of the hole since her hands were unavailable. Roy knelt on the other side of the hole waiting to take Carol from Ashley's grasp.

Roy pulled Carol the rest of the way out of the hole carrying her a short distance and laying her down to start checking her over. Johnny moved to join him while Mike stepped over to help Ashley get out of the belt and ropes. Mike reached up and removed a spider from Ashley's hair without saying a word to her. Ashley saw it in his hand though and gave a quick shudder.

"Please check to make sure there aren't anymore," Ashley whispered quietly. "Spiders give me the creeps."

Mike smiled and moved slowly around her, moving her hair and checking the coat. "You're good," he said helping her slip out of the turnout.

Ashley glanced over at Johnny and Roy, they had an oxygen mask on Carol and it appeared they were getting ready to start an IV. Johnny was speaking into biophone while Roy removed the necessary supplies from the drug box. Carol's friends formed a tight circle around the paramedics. Captain Stanley briefly looked at Ashley to make sure she was okay and began working on moving the kids away from the victim.

It was decided that Roy would ride in the ambulance with the little girl, Johnny would drive the squad to meet him and Ashley would go back in the Engine so she could get cleaned up while the squad was unavailable.

E

When the squad returned to the station, Johnny walked into the kitchen while Roy headed toward the locker room to change. "Hey, Mike, is there any way you can follow me to the dealership after we get off shift? The Rover needs a part replaced and they can get it done today if I drop it off before 10:00 AM. Roy has to meet Joanne so he can't do it."

"Sorry, man, the landlord is meeting me as soon as I get back to look at the water heater in my apartment. I took a very cold shower yesterday and am not looking to repeat that experience any time soon." Mike said sitting down at the table.

"Who's Joanne?" Ashley asked trying to sound casual as she entered the kitchen in search of coffee. She reached for the coffee pot on the stove.

"Roy's wife," Johnny said pointedly. "He's meeting her to go to his son's school for a conference."

Ashley suddenly found it difficult to breathe, Roy was married. He had a kid. She felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach. She turned from where she had been standing by the counter to see that Roy had just entered the kitchen. His eyes were locked on her. She felt the heat start to rise up her neck and into her face. She had acted like such a fool last night when she was rubbing his shoulders. She felt like everyone was watching her, she had to escape; but unless she walked out the back door to the parking lot she had to walk right past Roy. She stood frozen for a minute and then quickly headed out the back door as Roy took a step toward her.

Roy went to follow her, but stopped when Mike stood up. He gave Roy and Johnny a confused look and went after Ashley. Roy stopped next to Johnny, "Why'd ya have to do that?"

"What? Tell her you were married. Someone had to. You do remember you're married right?" Johnny shot back at Roy.

"I'm aware of that Junior, but you didn't have to say it so..so,"

"What Roy, directly? What is going on with you man. Joanne is amazing, you've got a great family. I don't know all the details, but that is one messed up chick, you don't need to be playin' with fire with that one." Johnny ran his hand through his hair frustrated by Roy's behavior.

"I thought I was over the hill and didn't have what it takes to get a woman, Johnny? Isn't that what you were tellin' me last month. If that's the case what are you worried about, if I ain't got it, there is no way Ashley would want me anyway," Roy shot back. He wasn't sure what he was more angry about, the way Johnny told Ashley he was married, or that he himself hadn't told her long before now.

"Is that what this is about?" Johnny stood directly in front of Roy. "You're trying to prove your still attractive to women? I was just yankin' your chain Roy. You shouldn't be worried about if you can still turn on women, you've got a great woman, who loves you, and gives you a great home. Two amazing kids; all us single guys are out here trying to find what you're puttin' at risk."

"I'm not putting it at risk," Roy argued. "It's not like that."

"Really? I couldn't sleep last night and saw you weren't in bed. I came looking for you. I saw the two of you on the couch. It looked pretty cozy to me. I don't think Joanne woulda been pleased."

Roy looked shocked, Johnny had seen them? Roy shook his head, "It's not what it looked like."

"Keep tellin' yourself that Roy and you'll be single too." Johnny walked out of the day room. The next shift was starting to arrive and he needed to find someone to help him drop off his Rover.

E

"Ashley, are you okay?" Mike crossed the parking lot to where Ashley was pacing. She was trying to catch her breath, but she didn't feel like she could get air into her lungs.

She really didn't want to tell Mike what was wrong. If he hadn't noticed, the last thing she wanted to tell him was that she had a crush on a married man. Ashley's mind spun trying to come up with a reason that she would be so upset.

None came so she went with vague, "Yeah, I just started feeling a little warm, I needed some fresh air."

Ashley continued trying to pace, her heart hurt. The way Johnny had said, "Roy's wife," she knew he knew about her crush. He must think she was the most awful person, first the night at the bar and now this. If Mike knew he would hate her. She had to find a way to make this better.

Johnny walked out into the parking lot and dropped his bag in the Rover.

"Did you get a ride?" Mike asked.

"Nah, everyone's got plans. I guess it'll have to wait."

"I can take you," Ashley volunteered. Maybe if she could do something to help out Johnny he would be less mad at her for the situation with Roy. "I was just going to hit a couple of camera shops, so it isn't anything that can't wait an hour or so."

Mike looked over at her, "Are you buying a new camera?"

"Maybe. I have never taken many photos, but I started when I was driving cross country and I really kinda enjoyed it. I was just going to go and learn some things about different cameras. I'm starting with zero knowledge, so today is just research."

"Well, Johnny's the man you want to talk to, he takes great photographs, it is a pretty serious hobby for you, isn't it?" Mike turned to Johnny.

"I-it's okay," Ashley stammered. "I-I d-don't want to be a bother. But, I am free to drive you back to your apartment if you want me to follow you to the dealer."

Johnny shrugged, "Sure, if you don't mind. There's actually a pretty good camera shop right near my place so we can stop in and I can give you a basic overview of a few good models." Johnny looked at Mike trying to play nice for his sake.

Ashley gave him a small smile, "Let me just go grab my bag. Mike, can you walk with me and check to make sure the locker room is clear."

Mike walked Ashley into the locker room. "Do you want to grab dinner again? Mike leaned against the locker looking down at Ashley.

Ashley bit her lip and looked up at Mike, "You don't have to keep spending your free time with me, Mike. I don't wanna disrupt your life."

"I want to take care of you Ashley, give you someone you belong with." Mike took his finger and pushed a piece of hair out of her face.

"I don't want to be your charity case, Michael," Ashley shoved his hand away and slammed her locker.

Mike stood there dumbfounded. How could she not understand that he needed to make up for what he had done. He had been her friend before that horrible day, he wanted to make up for what she had lost.

E

Johnny gripped the door handle tighter as Ashley maneuvered around the car in front of them, not leaving nearly as much room as Johnny would have liked. He leaned slightly to his left to get a look at the speedometer. It had just crossed the 70 mph mark. "You do know the speed limit is 55, right?"

Ashley said nothing as she changed lanes again. The wind was blowing her hair forward and Johnny couldn't even see her face, he doubted she could see the road with all that hair in her eyes. "Can you even see the road?"

This time Ashley laughed and used one hand to push her hair back, the wind instantly whipping it back into her face, "That's half the fun," she shouted over the wind. "I love the wind blowing in my hair; it's like it's sweeping away all the bad stuff."

Johnny cringed as she switched lanes again and the speedometer started approaching 80. "You do know we end up cutting people out of cars that drive like this right?"

"Don't trust me?" Ashley replied.

Johnny was about to answer her when he heard a loud pop, and saw the car in front of them careen off the road as Ashley swerved to avoid being hit by the piece of tire as it blew apart from the back passenger tire of the car in front of them.

Ashley quickly pulled to the side. Johnny jumped out of the Corvette and made his way down the embankment to the car that had rolled and now had flames lapping out of the dented hood. Ashley ran back to the other car that had pulled off the road, "Go to the next call box and tell them we need a fire truck, rescue squad and ambulance. Tell them there are two off-duty paramedics on scene."

Ashley ran down the embankment to help Johnny. He had gotten the driver's door open and was checking the woman the woman's neck for a pulse. He looked in the backseat and saw a baby strapped in a car seat. He stepped back trying to open the back door on the driver's side but the metal was too twisted. The flames were starting to come through the vents in the front of the car. He had to get the mom out.

"Do you think you can get in there?" He asked Ashley as he leaned over the woman and tried to undo her safety belt. When it wouldn't release he pulled a knife from his belt and quickly cut through the material.

Ashley moved to the passenger side of the car to see if she could open the door. When she couldn't budge it, she pulled herself up and slid through the broken window.

She quickly moved so she could check the baby. The car was filling with smoke and she could feel the heat from the flames. The baby was screaming his head off so she decided the best thing to do was just get him out of the car. She unhooked the car seat and called out to Johnny who was still kneeling on the ground by the mom. "Can you get the car seat out the back window?"

Johnny stood up and leaned in the window. He was able to help maneuver the car seat out the window and handed the baby to a man standing nearby. "Take the baby up to the road. Leave him in the car seat, no matter how much he cries. Everyone, I need you to get back, get up to the road," he yelled to the crowd that was starting to come near the car. He could hear sirens in the distance, but the flames were now engulfing the engine, they had to get away from this car.

"Ashley, we've gotta get her outta here. Can you move to the front and help me keep her as straight as possible?" Johnny braced the woman's head and neck on his forearms and started to move her back.

"Ow," Ashley gasped as her arm caught against a piece of metal as she maneuvered to the front seat. She worked to keep the woman as straight as possible and Johnny began to slowly back away from the car extricating the mom. He was walking back slowly so Ashley could help slide the woman out and try to keep her back in line with her head and neck. Finally, free of the car they worked their way up the embankment and away from the burning car. They laid the woman on the ground and Ashley moved to check the baby as Johnny began examining the woman.

The squad and engine pulled up to the scene, Bryce and Bellingham came up to Johnny and Ashley carrying their equipment. Bryce came over to Ashley and she gave him a quick update on the baby's vitals. Her general impression that he was probably more scared than injured. She moved back to let him take over care. Johnny had done the same with Bellingham. As he stepped toward Ashley he saw blood running down her arm and onto the concrete.

"You cut yourself," He moved her over to rear of the squad so he could sit her down and look at her arm.

She coughed a few times trying to rid her lungs from the smoke. "Just a scratch, I hit a piece of metal. I've had my tetanus shot." Ashley coughed again.

Johnny walked over the Captain, "Hey, Cap, can I borrow your spare oxygen. My partner got some smoke while we were getting them out of the car," Johnny nodded his head toward Ashley.

The Captain gave Ashley a quick glance. "Go ahead, get whatever you need to patch up her arm too."

Johnny carried the oxygen over and handed her the mask. Ashley shook her head, "I'm okay," she said as she started coughing again.

"Put it on, Ashley," Johnny ordered. He walked over and got some supplies to clean up her arm so he could see if it needed stitches. He sat down next to her on the bumper of the squad and began to wipe the blood off her arm.

She removed the mask, "It's just superficial."

Johnny took his hand and moved the mask back to her face, "I'll make that determination, thank you."

Deciding the cut did not need stitches he applied an antibiotic cream and bandaged the arm. Her coughing spasms had eased up so he took the oxygen mask from her. "How do you feel?"

"A little silly, can we be done now?"

"In a minute," Johnny walked back over and got some more gauze. He came back and started to wipe the soot from her face.

Ashley stepped back grabbing his wrist, "I'm not a child, I don't need you to clean my face." Her eyes flashed with anger.

"I don't think you're a child," Johnny handed her the gauze. "I was just trying to be nice."

"How would you feel if I started cleaning your face for you?" Ashley moved and wiped the gauze across his forehead where he had some dirt and smoke streaks.

"Great, thanks, I got any more you can get?" Johnny shot back sarcastically. Ashley moved forwarded and started wiping the evidence of their rescue from his face. After a few seconds Johnny stepped back, "Alright, I get your point," he had to admit he felt kinda stupid having someone else clean him up.

"Thank you," Ashley said. She moved to the engine and used the side mirror to wipe her own face clean.

They got back in to Ashley's car and headed toward Johnny's apartment. He was grateful when she kept her speed to 55.

"Did you still want to stop at the camera shop?" Johnny asked as he directed her off the exit.

"I think I'll just go home and take a shower. I wreak of smoke," Ashley said as she turned right per Johnny's hand motion. "I appreciate the offer to help, Johnny, but I don't want to put you out. I am sure I can learn what I need from the sale clerks." Ashley pulled into a parking spot.

Johnny turned slightly in his seat, "You don't want my help?"

"No, I mean, yeah, it would be great, but I don't want you to feel like you hafta, I mean," Ashley stammered as she looked everywhere but directly at Johnny.

He reached over and put a hand on her arm, "I like looking at cameras and seeing what new technology is coming out. I'll enjoy teaching you. How about tomorrow? You can swing by here, we'll hit the camera shop and then I'll take you out to lunch to pay you back for driving me back to the dealership to pick up my car," Johnny gave her a big grin and a wink.

Ashley laughed, "Deal."

Johnny jumped out of the car and bounded up the apartment steps two at a time. He stopped at the top and watched Ashley pull away. He just couldn't get a handle on that girl. Sometimes she was so sweet and almost painfully shy; then there was instances like at the bar and flirting with a married man. It's like she's a split personality he thought as he let himself into his apartment.


	8. Chapter 8

_Mention of suicide, act portrayed, but not with violent details._

The next several weeks went by without incident. The guys were starting to accept Ashley as part of the team and Captain Stanley had let her participate in a few more rescues. Marco was teaching her Spanish during down times at the station, she spent most of her days off with Mike, although Johnny was monopolizing some of the time. He had found that she gave great dating advice and in exchange he was teaching her about photography. She had taken over most of the cooking at the station and was really starting to feel like she fit in. They didn't know the next shift would change things dramatically.

E

The guys were gathering in the kitchen waiting for roll call while Ashley changed in the locker room.

"Did you see the article in the paper?" Marco asked.

"What article?" Mike cleaned his coffee cup.

"There was a snippet in the paper I was reading yesterday on national news. The North Carolina State Legislature passed a law implementing a new paramedic program for the State." Marco said looking over at Mike.

All the guys stopped what they were doing and looked over in Mike's direction, "Isn't that why she was here? To help develop a proposal for North Carolina?" Chet asked.

"That's what I was told," Captain Stanley said looking confused. No one had noticed that Ashley was in the doorway.

Ashley backed up into the bay and leaned against the squad. "It really was just a pay off," she whispered. She had always known they just wanted to get rid of her, but she at least thought they were serious about wanting her opinion on starting a paramedic program. They had to know there was already a proposal in place; they had just lied to her to get rid of her. Ashley could hear the blood rushing in her ears.

"I'll call headquarters later and see what I can find out. Alright men, let's get lined up for roll call," Captain Stanley said moving away from the table.

Ashley heard the chairs moving and knew the guys were coming out. She staggered to the front of the Engine and tried to stand in her usual roll call spot.

"Are you okay?" Roy got in line but noticed Ashley looked extremely pale. She nodded her head as Captain Stanley began to go over the agenda items for the shift.

The klaxons sounded before Captain Stanley finished running through his information.

"Station 51, man on ledge at 263 Wabash, cross street Nichols, time out 8:05."

"Station 51, KMG 365," Captain Stanley responded as everyone found their spots. Ashley slid into the squad and wondered if the men of Station 51 really wanted her here, or were they just being nice to her because of Mike.

She watched the road in front of them, Johnny directed Roy where to go. Roy turned the squad onto Wabash and made a steady climb up a driveway toward the top of a hill. As they passed the last group of trees a large unfinished building structure came into view. A man was sitting on the far side of the building out on a steel beam. Two police cars were already on scene.

Johnny and Roy jumped out of the squad and started removing ropes and belts. Ashley moved over to join them as they moved with Captain Stanley over to the policemen. "I've got two men up on the top floor trying to talk him down. He's got a rope wrapped around his neck and then tied to the beam. So far he won't talk to either of my officers.

"Maybe I should try," Ashley suggested to Captain Stanley. "He might be more willing to talk to a woman."

"Let's give it a try," The group moved toward the freight elevator and rode up to the top floor.

Ashley walked over the edge where the two police officers stood. "What's his name?"

One of the officers shrugged, "Don't know, he won't even speak to us."

"Hi, my name is Ashley, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

The man made no reply. She stepped back to the Captain, "I need to get out there."

Captain Stanley looked like he was going to say no, but instead he turned to Johnny and Roy, "Help her get secured to a line."

Johnny and Roy put a belt on her, and secured the ropes so they could keep her safe. As she was getting ready Mike stepped over and touched her arm, "Are you sure you can do this?"

She met his eyes, "I may be the best qualified person here."

As she stepped out onto the beam, Captain Stanley pulled Mike back slightly from the group, "Everything okay," he whispered so only Mike could hear.

Mike looked from Ashley to Captain Stanley, "Ashley's dad committed suicide when she was eight. He hung himself in the garage," Mike paused to look back at Ashley making her way out onto the beam. "Ashley found him," Mike finished not letting his eyes leave Ashley as she made her way toward the end of the beam and tried to maneuver around the corner.

"You're telling me this after I just let her walk out on a ledge?" Captain Stanley rolled his eyes and moved over to Johnny and Roy who were manning the rope. "Mike just told me that Ashley's dad committed suicide. He hung himself in the garage and she found him."

Johnny swore under his breath and Roy shook his head trying to imagine a young Ashley facing that. "Make sure you've got a good grip on her," Captain Stanley said.

"We've got her," Roy said giving her a bit more slack as she negotiated the corner and moved closer to the man.

"Don't come any closer," the guy said moving slightly away.

"Okay, just relax, I just want to talk," Ashley continued standing.

"Stay right there, or I'll jump," the man leaned forward slightly.

"Okay, okay, I'll stay right here," Ashley moved to sit down on the beam. "I'm Ashley, will you tell me your name?"

The man stayed silent for a few seconds, then he briefly looked at her, "Tom."

"Hi, Tom." Ashley just sat there for a few minutes looking out at the horizon the same way Tom was. "You picked a beautiful spot," Ashley said appreciating the view of the ocean from this spot on the hill. "I bet it is absolutely gorgeous up here during sunset."

"I don't intend to be here to watch the sunset," Tom said.

"Life's pretty tough right now, huh?" Ashley turned so she could straddle the beam and lean her back against the corner support. There was a light breeze and she was shocked at how peaceful she felt in that spot, even given the situation. Surely if she felt at peace, Tom had to feel some of that too.

"You couldn't possibly understand," Tom said continuing to watch the horizon.

"Try me, I might surprise you," Ashley smiled at the man, but he still wasn't watching her.

"No, you're not going to change my mind, you should just go away."

"Tom, I understand that sometimes things seem really bad, even hopeless; but you can't just give up. Things do get better," Ashley tried to slide a bit closer.

"Have you ever had bad things happen to you? I mean really bad, where you lost everyone you cared about?" Tom turned to look at her.

Ashley let her mind wander back to that horrible day ten years ago, let herself remember the last two weeks in North Carolina, and even the doubts she had now that the men at Station 51 didn't really want her around. "Yes, Tom, I have. Why don't you come in with me and we can talk about it?"

He turned and looked into her eyes. He must have been able to see that she was telling the truth because he didn't immediately stop her when she started moving closer to him. "Maybe you should take off that belt and join me," he said still looking into her eyes.

Ashley stopped moving at his words. "Tom, things have to get better, they just have too. Let me come over there and help you back in."

"I've b- been trying for 5 y- years to ge-get my l-life back," Tom started to get emotional. "H-how l-long, is, is l-long enough?"

Ashley slid closer to Tom, "Just a little bit longer," she said. She just needed a few more feet and she would be able to reach him.

Tom looked at her, "No, it's been long enough," he said as he leaned forward and his body dropped from the beam.

"No!" Ashley screamed trying to dive to reach him.

Johnny and Roy jerked back the ropes as Ashley fell off the beam, missing her target. Ashley hung in the air suspended by the belt and ropes. She covered her eyes with her hands unable to view her failure.

"Ashley," Captain Stanley called out to her. "Ashley!" She finally lifted her head and twisted to turn around and see her Captain. "Climb back up on the beam Ashley and make your way back in. It's gonna be okay."

Ashley looked down to see Tom hanging from the rope. She had failed him, maybe she had made it worse. Maybe if John or Roy had gone out they would have been able to reach him. Ashley felt like her arms weighed a ton, she couldn't seem to lift them to pull herself back on the beam.

"Ashley," Captain Stanley's voiced reached her ears.

She moved her arms and took hold of the beam. "Yes, Cap," she said pulling herself up. She stood up and steadied herself with the corner beam. She looked out over the water toward the horizon, again feeling some of the peace she had felt earlier. She turned and her eyes locked with Mike's.

"Easy does it, Ashley," he said moving toward the edge of the floor near the beginning of the beam. "Just walk right to me."

Ashley moved across the beam and Mike grabbed her when she got close. He pulled her into his arms while Johnny and Roy moved to remove the belt and ropes that had secured her. They quickly prepared to go out and retrieve Tom's body. Marco, Chet and the two police officers holding their lines.

Captain Stanley moved to put a hand on Mike's shoulder. "Why don't you take her down, we have this covered."

Mike slipped his arm around Ashley's shoulders and guided her toward the elevator. When they reached the bottom he tried to direct her to the Engine, but she moved toward the edge of the cliff, putting the scene behind her. She looked out over the water, "He picked a good spot," she said quietly.

"What?" Mike wasn't sure he had heard her correctly.

Ashley's eyes never left the horizon. "He picked a good spot. There is something really peaceful about this place, and he had a beautiful last view." Mike wasn't sure what to say, he stood by her side trying to read her expression. It was oddly blank. "Plus, his family will never have to see him like that; that was good of him."

Mike put his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace, "Ashley," he paused not knowing what to say. "Ashley," Mike tried again, but he just had no words.

Ashley gave his waist a squeeze and pulled back, "I'm gonna go wait in the squad." Ashley walked toward the squad as Mike watched her.

Maybe you should take off the belt and join me. Tom's words echoed in her head as she sat in the squad. She kept her head down staring at her hands. The hands that had missed him when he jumped. Ashley couldn't help but think Jonny or Roy would have been able to save him.

E

Johnny and Roy secured the body and the men carried the stokes over the medical examiners van as it pulled up. They put away ropes and belts. Johnny pulled Roy off to the side before he could move to get into the driver's seat. "Do we talk about it, her dad, or what happened just now?"

Roy shrugged, "I guess we just wait and see what she does." Roy moved to the squad and looked at Ashley before he started the engine, "Ready?"

She sighed and looked at him, "Yeah."

Johnny put his hand on her knee and gave it a little squeeze. She looked over at him and gave him a small smile, "Mike told you."

It was Johnny's turn to shrug, "Mike told Cap, and he told us. He was just worried about you."

"I'm okay. It was a long time ago." Ashley wanted to change the subject. "I heard Marco this morning, about North Carolina adopting a paramedic program. Do you think Captain Stanley is going to ask me to leave?"

Johnny leaned back and exchanged a look with Roy behind Ashley's head. He hadn't even thought about that.

"I don't think you need to worry about that right now, Ash." Roy said keeping his eyes on the road. He honestly had no idea what the Captain might be thinking about with regards to the change in information.

"What do you think happened?" Johnny asked wondering how they had passed the legislation so quickly if they had sent her out to do research to create the legislation.

"They just wanted me to leave. This was all a big cover up for the fact they were just paying me off," Ashley slid a little further down in the seat.

"A pay off for what?" Roy asked.

Ashley just shook her head, unwilling to answer.

When the squad and engine parked she went to find Captain Stanley, "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," he put one hand on her back and pointed toward his office with the other. "Let's go in my office."

He closed the door and waited for Ashley to sit down before he took a seat on the edge of the desk. "Are you feeling okay? No one would blame you if you wanted to take the rest of the day off."

"What?" Ashley looked up at the Captain. "Are you sending me home?"

"No, I'm not sending you home. I'm just saying no one would blame you if you wanted to go home after what happened this morning. Especially in light of your personal history."

"I'm okay, Captain Stanley," Ashley looked toward his door and then back at him. "I'm wondering what you are going to do with me now that North Carolina has passed a paramedic program. My reason for being here isn't valid anymore."

Captain Stanley blew out a breath and walked behind his desk, "I haven't talked to anyone at headquarters about the recent change, Ashley. Do you want to tell me what is actually going on? For the legislation to have already passed there already had to be a proposal in place before they sent you out here."

Ashley shook her head unable to meet Captain Stanley's eyes.

"Ashley, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's actually going on." He considered the young woman across from him. "I'm here to help."

Ashley remembered how she thought she could trust Fire Chief Danbury and in the end he had been the one who got rid of her. Captain Stanley didn't seem like the type to do that, in everything she had seen he appeared fair and concerned with his men's well-being; but she just wasn't sure she could trust him.

She was saved from having to make the choice to trust him or not by the sounds of the klaxons calling out the squad. Ashley stood up and moved toward the door, she stopped and looked back at Captain Stanley, "Am I free to go?"

"Go," he said.

Johnny held the door for her as Roy responded, "Squad 51, KMG 365."

Roy pulled up to the address they had been given and stopped the squad. The call had been for a child drowning. Ashley grabbed the drug box while Roy grabbed the defibrillator and Johnny the oxygen. They made their way up to the door, but when they did not get an answer they moved around to the back of the house. A mother was standing in the pool trying to hold a child's head above the water.

"Oh please, hurry," she cried. "His shoe lace is caught in the drain and I can't get him out."

Roy, Johnny and Ashley exchanged glances. "Uh, have you tried to take off his shoe?" Johnny asked.

"What?" The mother looked at them like they were speaking a foreign language.

"Have you tried to remove the shoe?" Johnny repeated.

"I can't reach it, his head keeps going under water. Why aren't you helping me?" She was on the verge of getting hysterical.

Ashley dipped her head trying not to let the mother see her smile as Johnny struggled to keep from laughing.

Roy moved over the end of the pool and turned off the pump. "Now see if you can pull him free." Unfortunately, the mother could still not pull the boy out of the water.

Johnny looked over at Ashley, "Junior partner goes in the pool."

Ashley kicked off her shoes and lifted each foot to remove her socks. She slipped off her belt and handed it to Johnny. She leaned over and dropped into the pool, the water reaching just over her waist. She sucked in a breath, "Oooh, that's cold," she said as she waded over to the mother. Ashley tried to reach down and remove the boys shoe, but she couldn't reach it without going much deeper into the water. She shot Johnny and Roy and irritated look and dropped below the surface of the water. She quickly removed the boy's shoe.

Coming back to the surface she took the boy from his mother and walked him to the side of the pool, "Let's check him out just to make sure he's okay."

Johnny and Roy bent down and pulled the boy out of the pool. "Aren't you going to get his shoe," the mother looked at Ashley.

"Well, ma'am, that isn't really what we are here to do," Ashley started to explain.

"I am a tax payer young lady. I pay your salary. What am I going to do with a boy's shoe caught in my pool drain? I sit on a charity board with the Mayor's wife, do I need to call her and tell her about your lack of service," the mother put her hands on her hips and glared at Ashley.

Johnny coughed to cover up his laugh, while Roy had to physically bite his lip. Ashley turned and dove under the water reaching down into the pump and yanking the shoe lace. She handed the mom the shoe without a word and pulled herself out of the pool.

She slipped on her socks and shoes while Johnny and Roy finished checking the boy. His vitals were good and he had no interest in going to the hospital. The mom signed the release refusing treatment and said she would follow up with their family doctor.

Johnny and Roy both started laughing as the squad pulled away from the house, "Take a nice, refreshing dip in the pool did ya?" Johnny joked.

Ashley shook her head hard splattering water droplets over both Johnny and Roy. "Hey," the both yelled in protest trying to move away from her.

"Refreshing dip, that water was cold," Ashley leaned forward and adjusted the thermostat to give her some heat. "Did you ever find out why the boy was in the pool fully clothed?"

"Yeah, while you were wrestling the tennis shoe out of the drain the mom told us he was trying to get away from her because he was in trouble for throwing mud at the neighbor kid and he fell in."

"Remind me never to have children," Ashley leaned her hands closer to the heater, she shivered, goose bumps forming on her arms.

"Amen," Johnny said. "Hey, Roy, pull over and let me grab Ashley a blanket."

The squad got back to the station and Ashley got out still wrapped in the blanket. Chet just started laughing.

"What happened?" Marco asked from the top of the engine where was cleaning the chrome.

"I'm going to take a hot shower and get some dry clothes," Ashley headed toward the locker room and Johnny started to tell the story in between fits of laughter.


	9. Chapter 9

_Mention of attempted rape, some vague descriptions given, but nothing violent or graphically detailed._

E

The Engine got called out just shortly after dinner. Roy was using Captain Stanley's office to call Joanne so Ashley wandered into the weight room to get in a short workout. Johnny followed her.

"You did a pretty good job getting that shoe out of the pump, maybe you should think about being a rescue diver."

"Gage, I'm warning you," Ashley feigned a stern look.

"What are you gonna do? Sit on me?" Johnny egged her on.

Ashley walked over and sweeped Johnny's legs out from underneath him, pinning Johnny to the ground. She was straddling his chest and using her legs to pin his arms to the ground. She clasped her hands and raised them triumphantly over her head. "Less than 3 seconds and you are my prisoner," she laughed.

"Oh yeah," Johnny twisted and tossed her off of him, quickly rolling over he straddled her waist pinning her to the ground. His hands grabbed her wrists pinning them up by her head.

"Nice move getting me down, but you didn't really think you were going to be able to hold me did you?" Johnny started mock lecturing her.

Ashley was no longer hearing Johnny's teasing voice, but the harsh tone of Frank, one of the fire fighters from her previous station, telling her she didn't belong and that they were going to show her the only thing a woman was good for. The image of angry blue eyes hovering above her flashed in her head. She could feel the pain in her wrists as she was held down, Frank's weight resting on her abdomen making it difficult to breathe. She wasn't sure who had moved to her head, but she could taste blood as they shoved a rag in her mouth and pressed down on the corners of her lips.

Johnny hadn't noticed that Ashley's breathing had become ragged. She struggled against his grip.

"Oh, c'mon, you can do better than that," Johnny teased.

"P-pl-please, do- don't hurt me," Ashley whispered, tears starting to stream down her cheeks.

Johnny looked down, Ashley's eyes were wide and she looked terrified. She was sweating and he noticed her ragged breathing. "Ashley?" He quickly released her wrists and slid off her.

Ashley jumped up quickly heading for the restroom, she ran directly into Roy as she fled the weight room. Roy looked at Johnny, who was sitting on the floor looking dumbfounded.

"Go make sure she's okay," Johnny waved his hand in the direction that Ashley just went. Roy turned and went after her.

Roy found her in the locker room. She was standing over the sink rinsing out her mouth with a small cup of mouthwash. She was very pale and was visibly shaking. "Ashley," Roy said quietly stepping toward her. "Are you okay?"

She leaned against the wall and shook her head no, as she slid down to the floor putting her head near her knees.

Roy moved slowly over to her, kneeling down next to her on the floor. "Ashley, I'm going to check your pulse," he slowly reached for her wrist.

As he had expected her skin felt cold and clammy, her pulse was very fast. He put his arm under her elbow and helped her stand, "Ashley, we're gonna go into the day room. I am going to get you a blanket and then I'm gonna take your blood pressure."

He helped her walk to the day room and over to the couch. Roy sat her down and went to the squad to grab a bp cuff and blanket. Johnny walked over to him, "Is she okay?"

"I don't think she's in shock, but I'm concerned enough I'm gonna take her blood pressure, she is really shaken. What happened?" Roy pulled a yellow blanket from the squad.

"I, I don't know. I just don't know. We were goofing around and the next thing I knew she was panicking on me." Johnny ran his hand through his hair. Johnny looked toward the day room.

"You'd better give her a minute," Roy grabbed the bp cuff and moved back into the day room.

He wrapped the blanket around her sitting down close to her, but not too close so he wouldn't make her nervous. He kept his movements slow and made sure he was telling exactly what he was going to do before he did it. "Ashley, I'm gonna put the bp cuff around your arm." He spoke slowly and moved with caution. He checked her bp, 100/70. Low, but he didn't think they needed to call an ambulance.

She leaned back against him and he held her quietly taking her pulse again. "Try to slow your breathing down, Ash," Roy spoke quietly. She started taking deeper breaths. "Good girl," he said. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"It wasn't Johnny's fault," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Before I left North Carolina, the group of men in my station, they, they at-attacked me," Ashley shuddered as she spoke the sentence. She closed her eyes, the images flashing through her brain again, "Frank, kn-nocked me d-down and s-sat on me. He, he was h-h-holding my wrists so t-tight I had bruises," Ashley rubbed her wrists like she could feel the pain.

"Someone else stuck a rag in my mouth, they pulled it so tight it split my mouth in the corner," Ashley's words were coming faster and her breathing sped up and became shallow again. "Th-they tried to say it was j-just a j-jo-joke, a hazing," A tear slid down Ashley's cheek. "That is why they gave me money to come out here, it was a payoff. They told me it was to prepare a proposal for the paramedic legislation. They l-lied to me," Ashley's voice broke as she started to sob.

Roy pulled her in close, stroking her hair, "Shh, it's okay, you're gonna be okay. You're safe here Ashley," He spoke to her much the way he did his daughter Jennifer when she had a nightmare and only wanted Daddy.

Ashley snuggled in closer, he felt so safe, she felt her breathing slow down and she started to relax. Believing his words that she was safe. She looked up to find Roy looking down at her, concern on his face. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his.

Roy eased her back, "Ashley," he kept his voice soft and kind, she had been through so much in just a few short hours; but he shook his head as he moved her back.

"Oh my god, I-I'm so, I'm so s-sorry. I d-didn't, I sh-shouldn't," Ashley jumped to her feet, her face flushing deep red. She fled out the back door into the darkness.

Roy looked up to see Johnny standing in the doorway glaring at Ashley's retreating back, "Johnny," Roy started.

"I know, I know, it isn't what it looks like," Johnny walked away.

"It wasn't," he called after Johnny's retreating back.

E

Ashley sat on the picnic table behind the station. She had dropped her head down to her knees pretty sure she was going to pass out. How could I be so stupid, she berated herself. Roy was absolutely going to hate her now. She sensed someone moving near her. She looked up as Johnny moved to sit on the top of the picnic table, his feet a few inches from the bench where she sat. She sat up straight trying to concentrate on not throwing up.

"I can't figure you out," Johnny said, his tone angry. "Sometimes you come across as this nice, normal girl, and other times, like the night at the bar, and tonight, kissing a married man, you're this, this monster," Johnny let his anger get the better of him. Roy was his best friend; he was not going to let this crazy chick mess up his friend's family. "You're a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

Ashley felt her mind and body go numb; he thought she was a monster and he didn't even know the worst thing about her. "What is wrong with you?" Johnny asked, not really expecting her to answer.

Ashley stood up and took a step away from the picnic table, she kept her back to Johnny as she spoke. "I AM a horrible person, Johnny. Everyone would just be better if I was gone," her voice cracked, but this time no tears flowed. She had done all the crying she intended to do.

"I won't argue with that," Johnny shot back.

The klaxons sounded, "Squad 51, factory fire, 8296 South Branch, cross street Sycamore. Time out 21:46."

Ashley hesitated, but finally moved to the squad. She slid in the middle, trying to make herself as small as possible. She never looked at Johnny or Roy as the squad moved toward the fire. They heard Captain Stanley indicate the Engine was available and the order came from them to join the squad at the factory fire.

Roy pulled in beside Engine 51 that had also just arrived on scene. The factory was a mattress manufacturer. That meant enough dust in the air that risks for dust explosions were very high. Johnny and Roy jumped out and pulled on their turnouts, Captain Stanley making his way over to them. "We have men trapped in the building. Roy, you go with Chet and Marco to the west side. That side of the building is fully engulfed and we need as much help as we can send them. John, the East side isn't involved yet, but they think they are missing one of their testing teams. They may have become trapped in one of the testing areas. Rich Singleton, the plant manager, is going to show you a blue print of where he thinks the men are located. Your job is to get in there and lead them out. We are getting a lot of heavy smoke in that area and we probably don't have long before the fire spreads."

Roy moved off with Marco and Chet and Johnny stepped to the squad where Rich laid out a blue print of the plant. Ashley stood on the other side of the squad listening to the description of where the men were located. "You'll enter through that door right there," Rich pointed out a door directly to their left. "That puts you right here," he indicated a spot on the blue print. "You have to navigate a bunch of metal platforms and stairs. Once you get through that," Rich ran his finger along the blueprint showing Johnny the various platforms and route. "You'll come to these testing rooms. These are thick metal doors, that lock during testing. My guess is the electronic pad got messed up in the initial explosion. You can bypass it by just turning off the pad from outside the door, the lock should automatically disengage."

Johnny took one more look at the blueprint, nodded his head and put his air mask in place. He pulled his helmet on as he jogged over to the entrance. Ashley watched the men moving into the building, but it wasn't long until she spotted a fireman being helped out of the building by two other men. She glanced at Captain Stanley. "Go," he said.

She ran over to help move the man to a safe area, pulling off his turnout and gloves and starting to check his vitals. She quickly determined he would be okay, but she told him to stay put for now, he needed a bit more oxygen.

Word came across the bull horn that the fire was entering the east side of the building and they were starting to encounter dust explosions due to the particles in the air. Johnny's voice came across the handi-talkie. "I've got the testing crew; we are on our way out of the building."

It was just a few minutes later that an explosion shook the east side of the building, Ashley looked over at Captain Stanley, he was already trying to reach Johnny, but was not getting a response. A group of four men exited the door Johnny had entered earlier, coughing and covered in black smudges of smoke.

"Ashley," Captain Stanley indicated for her to follow him over to the group.

"Where's the fireman that got you out of the testing room?" Captain Stanley stopped one of the men in the group.

"There was an explosion as he was getting us up all the stairs. He was standing on one of the platforms as the stairs collapsed. He managed to grab a bar to keep from falling, but he was hanging from the platform. We couldn't get back down to him."

Captain Stanley started calling to find out who had the nearest crew that could go get his missing man. If Johnny was hanging from a platform time was against them.

He never saw Ashley grab the turnout and gloves from the fireman still sitting with oxygen. Word came across the handi-talkie that the nearest crew was still going to be several minutes getting to where Johnny had last been seen. Captain Stanley turned to look at the door where the men had just exited and saw Ashley almost to the entrance.

"Ashley, no!" Captain Stanley yelled. She never even heard him as she entered the door to the building.

Captain Stanley swore wanting to throw the radio he held. "I've had a female paramedic enter the east side of the building. She is wearing a turnout, no air tank and no helmet. I need a crew over there to get her out."

"We were just trying to get to Johnny, Cap. If we divert we will never get to him in time," Marco's voice came across the radio.

Captain Stanley looked at Mike, anger and fear showing in his eyes. "You have to get Ashley first," he ordered. He hit the side of the Engine swearing again.

Mike dropped his head anger rising in his chest, "Ashley, what were you thinking?" The delay to find her could cost Johnny his life.

The air was thick with smoke, but Ashley knew right where she was going. She had watched as Rich explained the path to Johnny. She knew he would take the same way out. If the people had managed to get out on their own, the path back to Johnny had to be clear. In only took a few minutes to find him. He was hanging down below a platform holding on to what was left of the stair case that would have led to the platform she was now standing on. There was not a direct connection to him. Ashley looked around, the only other way to him would take several minutes and the smoke was getting heavier. She looked at the platform below her. It was probably only two feet in front of her and a drop of about 6 feet. She could easily jump it. Would the platform hold if she jumped on to it? The platform itself was suspended by metal chains hanging from the ceiling; that was why it hadn't fallen when the stairway collapsed.

She looked around; she could not see anyone else in the area. Ashley climbed over the rail of the platform she was on and jumped. She hit hard and fell to her knees. The platform had stayed stable. Ashley leaned over the side and stretched her arm out to Johnny, "Grab my hand," she yelled.

"You'll never be able to pull me up," Johnny said reluctant to give up his grip on the falling stairwell.

"I promise, I'll get you up," Ashley wrapped her legs around the side railing to anchor herself and leaned over further as she reached for Johnny with both hands.

He grasped one of her wrists with one hand, and then the other. She leaned over and used her other hand to grab near his elbow rolling away from the side using her full body weight to pull him up. She was able to get him up far enough that he could reach the edge of the platform. He grabbed the edge of the platform with both hands and Ashley leaned over pulling up his turnout so she could grasp his belt and help pull his legs onto the platform.

They both laid still for a moment, exhausted by the effort they had put in. Johnny slipped the helmet off the back of his head and pulled off the air mask placing it over Ashley's face. "Are you crazy? What are you doing in here? No helmet, no air tank?"

"There were not any close crews and I knew I could find you," Ashley pushed the mask back toward Johnny. She stood up and reached under his elbow to help him stand. "How bad's your arm?" She motioned to the one he had been hanging with.

"Just a bit fatigued, I'm fine. Let's get out of here," Johnny grabbed her hand and started moving toward another stairwell to get them out. He reached into his pocket for the handi-talkie, he handed her back the air mask,"Put this on while I radio Cap." He keyed the radio, "Ashley got to me, we are on our way out of the building."

Ashley pushed the air mask back at him. He put his arm around her waist so he could hold her close and they could buddy share the air as the worked their way to the exit. Johnny pushed the door open and the much cooler air of the outside hit them. Marco, Chet and Roy had exited an entrance further down the building a few minutes before and were waiting with Captain Stanley as Johnny and Ashley appeared through the door.

Captain Stanley directed Marco and Chet back to their spot to fight the blaze. Roy ran to Ashley and Johnny. Ashley stepped back as Roy approached them, "Get Johnny," she said.

Roy took Johnny's weight, but he was moving fairly well on his own. Ashley followed a few steps behind them. Captain Stanley stopped next to Ashley, his eyes angry. He pointed his finger in her face, "That was incredibly stupid. You're done; do you hear me? Done!" Captain Stanley moved over to check on Johnny. Roy was sitting him down on the ground.

Ashley moved over to the Engine near Mike. "What were you thinking?" Mike asked looking at her, his voice low and his words clipped as he tried to control his anger. "You could have cost Johnny his life. We had to divert the team going to help him to look for you. That was an incredibly stupid move."

Ashley looked at Mike's face, his blue eyes icy as they met hers. Ashley dropped her head and moved to the back of the Engine. Mike assumed she was going to sit down and think about what he had said and he turned his attention back to the gauges on the engines. Marco and Chet were counting on him and he wouldn't let them down.

Ashley slid out of the turnout and laid it over the bumper of the Engine. She slid off the gloves and laid them neatly on top. She hesitated for a moment looking down at her blue uniform top. With trembling hands, she removed her name badge and laid it in the palm of one of the gloves. A couple of tears fell as she traced her finger over the lettering. It was over, everything she had been working for, gone. She wasn't going to be a firefighter, or even a paramedic. Mike was mad at her, she had almost gotten Johnny killed, none of the other men were going to want her around. She had nothing and no one left.

No one noticed the blonde slipping past the police barricade and into the crowd that had formed to watch the factory fire.

Roy was trying to finish checking Johnny's vitals, as Johnny kept insisting he was fine. "Johnny, let me check your arm," Roy said again trying to remove his turnout.

"It's fine," Johnny said trying to stand up.

"Gage, listen to your partner, that's an order," Captain Stanley looked down at his men still feeling the overwhelming relief that Johnny was out safe. "What happened in there?"

"I'm not sure. I got the people out and we were going through all those platforms again, all of sudden there was an explosion that shook the area. The stairwell connecting two platforms broke and fell. I was on the second stair and managed to grab hold of the stair before I fell. I told the group to finish getting up the platforms and outside. I thought I would be able to pull myself up to the platform, but the way the stairs were hanging, I couldn't do it."

"If the stairs fell, how'd Ashley get to you?" Captain Stanley asked helping Johnny stand as Roy finished checking his arm's mobility.

"She jumped from one platform to another. It was actually pretty brave. I didn't think she'd be able to pull me up, but I'll give her credit, she did a great job. "Johnny looked around to see if he could see her.

"I had Roy, Chet and Marco coming for you. They were going to have to divert to get her; she could have gotten you killed with the delay. "

"I don't think they would have made it Cap, I was losing my grip. Ashley got there just in time. She had seen the blueprints; she knew right where to go. Where is she anyway? We had a," Johnny paused and looked at Roy. "Misunderstanding at the station," he finished. "I'd like to apologize and tell her thank you."

"I yelled at her for pulling such a stupid stunt. I think she went to sit by the Engine," Captain Stanley was not quite that willing to forgive her reckless behavior.

"C'mon, Cap, she did save me," Johnny slapped him on the back. When he was met with an angry glare, he took a step back and raised his hands in surrender. "Maybe I'll just walk over there alone."

Johnny made his way to the back of the Engine; he saw the turnout and gloves with the name badge laying on top. He turned around scanning the area for any sign of a woman. When he didn't see any among the firefighters, he started scanning the crowd over by the gate. He picked up the name badge and made his way back to Captain Stanley.

"She's gone," Johnny held out the name badge to the Captain.

"What?"

"Ashley's gone." Johnny waved the name badge. "The turnout and gloves are on the bumper of the Engine and her name badge was on top. I didn't see her anywhere."

"She couldn't have gone back in the building, we'd have seen her," Mike said overhearing Johnny.

"I'm sure she's around her somewhere. She's just trying to stay out of my way, she's knows I'm furious with her." Captain Stanley walked away from the men.

Johnny looked at Mike, "I think she's gone. Do you think she went home?"

"I don't know," Mike said looking worried.

When the fire was finally tamed and the crews had begun cleaning up Mike wandered over to a police officer he knew well. "Hey, Tim," Mike looked around, "can I ask you to do me a huge favor?"

"Sure, Mike, whatycha need?"

"One of our paramedics is missing," Mike continued to scan the crowd.

Tim's eyes flew to the building that still had smoke swirling from the ashes, "What?"

"No, no, we don't think she was in the building. She pulled a stupid stunt and got reamed by the Captain; she left her name badge on the Engine and disappeared. I'm still on shift a few hours and can't go check on her. Will you run by her apartment and make sure she's okay? If she doesn't answer, she leaves an extra key under the mat by the door." Mike looked at his friend.

Tim ran a hand down his neck and looked around. "Yeah, I can probably spare a few minutes, where's she live."

Mike gave the policeman Ashley's address. "Call me at the station and let me know either way, okay?"

"Sure, Mike, no worries," Tim looked down at the sheet of paper in his hand and headed toward his cruiser.

Johnny and Roy both looked at Mike as he walked back over to the Engine, "Anything?"

"Tim's gonna go by and check her apartment. He'll call me at the station."

They nodded and headed for the squad.


	10. Chapter 10

_Mention of suicide attempt, no violent descriptions._

Ashley leaned over and retrieved the spare key from under the mat by her door. She let herself into the apartment and walked back to her bedroom. She stripped off her uniform shirt and pants and folded them on the bed. She grabbed her favorite pair of jeans and walked to her closet looking for her favorite sweater. She pulled out a pink cashmere sweater with a silk lining. She hugged it to her chest feeling the softness against her skin. She walked down the hall and took a hot shower using her favorite soaps she reserved for special events. She loved the way they smelled and made her skin feel super soft. She only used them on days when she desperately needed a pick me up or had a special event. She dressed in her jeans and sweater, dried her hair and applied her make-up. She stepped back into her bedroom and looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Even she had to admit she looked very nice. She slipped on her shoes and put some money into her back pocket.

Ashley walked back into the bathroom and opened her medicine cabinet. She reached up to the top shelf and moved aside a package of band-aids. She removed two pill bottles. She looked at them briefly, she had been in an auto accident nine months ago and had been prescribed pain killers and muscle relaxers for the stiffness. She opened each bottle and dumped the remaining pills into her palm. She removed the valium bottle from the second shelf and dumped the muscle relaxers and pain pills into the bottle and shoved the bottle in her pocket. She stopped in the kitchen and removed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She left the apartment, stopping just briefly to put the key back under the mat.

She walked outside and smiled at the cab waiting at the corner. It must be fate, she thought to herself as she hailed the cab. There were never cabs in this area. "263 Wabash," she told the driver, she closed her eyes as she leaned back in the seat. Sunrise would be here in just about an hour; she knew right where she wanted to be.

E

Mike paced around the dayroom like a caged tiger. He kept looking toward the phone waiting for Tim's call. He checked his watch for the fifth time in the same amount of minutes.

"Mike, you need to sit down," Captain Stanley snapped, the pacing was starting to get on his nerves.

"Cap, I need to go look for her," Mike said approaching the table where his Captain sat drinking coffee.

"I'm sure she just went home, she knew her time here was done. I can't have anyone behaving so recklessly. She put her life and Johnny's life on the line with that stunt." Captain Stanley was still angry.

"Cap, I just know something is wrong. I can feel it in my gut. I NEED to go find her." Mike said pacing over to the phone and then back to his Captain.

"Why? What is it about her that makes you feel like you need to be responsible for her, Stoker? From the few things I have seen that girl has the ability to be serious trouble, you'd be smart to keep your distance," Captain Stanley stood up and walked over to his Engineer who was still pacing.

"I owe her, Cap, it's my fault she's as screwed up as she is," Mike said miserably glancing again at the phone.

"Mike, I've known you a long time, and I think I know you pretty well, it can't be your fault that she is so irresponsible."

Johnny and Roy exchanged looks wondering what Mike would say, Johnny knew what had happened when he tried to have this conversation with Mike several weeks ago.

"Cap, you don't understand," Mike ran his hands through his hair and blew out a frustrated breath. He could feel the tension building inside of him. His heart was racing and he felt like he needed to throw something. He clenched his fists as tight as he could, desperately wanting to punch the wall.

"Then explain it to me Mike," Captain Stanley turned his voice rising, "because I don't get how a thoughtful, dedicated, conscientious man like you could be mixed up with someone like her."

Mike spun around to look at his Captain, surprised by the intensity of his tone. He looked around at the guys in the room all staring at him. Mike felt himself reaching his breaking point; and tried to take a deep breath to calm down.

"Yeah, Mike, what is it about her? You've been on edge since she got here," Marco chimed in.

"You would normally never put up with someone breaking the rules like she does, why does she get special treatment?" Chet asked.

Mike felt his anxiety level increase, every minute they sat here Ashley could be in trouble. The guys asking him questions about why he was so worried about her a constant reminder he couldn't hide from this any longer.

"C'mon Mike, what gives?" Johnny asked from across the room.

Mike felt himself losing control, his fear and anger overwhelming the self-control he so carefully maintained on a daily basis. "I killed her sister!"

"I killed Maddie," Mike's voice broke as a sob tore through his throat. Mike looked like a tire someone had let all the air out of. He dropped down in a chair, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

No one moved; their eyes fixed on Mike and everyone's mouth hanging open. Of all the things that had run through Johnny's mind the day he and Mike had talked at Ashley's apartment nothing like this had crossed his mind. Johnny finally came to his senses enough to look at Roy. Roy looked up and their eyes met, disbelief reflected in both their gazes.

The phone rang and Mike jumped up to answer it.

"What do we do now," Chet whispered as the men drew together to form a tight circle. "Do we call the police?"

"No, we don't call the police, Chet," Johnny snapped back keeping his voice as low as he could through his irritation.

"Look, Gage, he just admitting to killing a woman. That's serious," Chet whispered back looking around the group.

"This is Stoker were talking about," Captain Stanley said running his hands over his face.

"Cap, Tim can't find her. She's been to her apartment, but she's gone now. He used the spare key to let himself in; her uniform is folded on the bed. Cap, there are two empty pill bottles in the bathroom for pain killers and muscle relaxers. I've got to go find her Cap, please," Mike's eyes begged him.

Johnny took a step toward Mike and the Captain, "Did he say anything about finding a bottle of valium?"

"What?" Mike asked.

"I noticed them in her medicine cabinet when we were at her apartment that night. She had a bottle of valium on the second shelf." Johnny looked over at Roy and then back at Mike.

"I don't know, he didn't mention anything about valium," Mike ran both hands through his hair. Suddenly he stopped moving, turning pale and looking at his Captain. "Oh my God," Mike grabbed his Captain's arm. "Cap, I think that's where she went. I think she went back to that building. I think she's gonna kill herself. I've gotta go," Mike turned to head out to his truck, but Captain Stanley grabbed his arm.

"Wait a minute, Mike."

"Cap, I can't. I have to stop her, I have to," Mike pulled against his Captain's grip desperate to get to Ashley.

"You're not going to do her any good alone. I'll call in a still alarm," Captain Stanley started moving toward the microphone. The chairs scraped against the floor as the men of Station 51 slid back their chairs and made their way to their positions in the squad and on the Engine.

Captain Stanley moved to the radio. "LA, Station 51, we have a still alarm, possible suicide, 263 Wabash, cross street Nichols."

A voice responded, "10-4 Station 51, time out 5:53, do you need additional assistance?"

"We will notify once on scene, KMG 365," Captain Stanley took his seat in the Engine as the squad pulled out of the station.

E

The cab driver turned to Ashley as he pulled up to the unfinished structure at 263 Wabash, "Miss, are you sure this is where you wanted to go?"

Ashley leaned forward handing the driver enough money to cover the fare and a very large tip. "I am absolutely positive. This is exactly where I need to be."

"Are you gonna do something with this building? It was such a shame it never got completed."

Ashley smiled at him. "Thanks for the ride."

Ashley got out of the cab and headed toward the cliff where she had stood with Mike earlier. It was still dark outside so the water was just vast blackness in front of her. It seemed to stretch like a sea of loneliness and she half wondered if she should have just gone to the beach and walked into the ocean, letting the darkness embrace her. She remembered the peaceful feeling she had up on the beam and made her way over to the freight elevator. She flipped the switch to activate the power and stepped into the freight elevator.

Ashley sat on the floor overlooking the horizon waiting for the sun to rise. It was too dark to walk out onto the beam just yet. Was she doing the right thing, she wondered? She could feel the anxiety starting to build in her chest, her breathing becoming irregular. No, this was the best thing for everyone; all she did was fail people. She had failed Maddie, she had failed to save Tom, and she had failed Mike. She fished the pill bottle out of her pocket, dumping all the contents into her hand. She opened the bottle of water, dropped some of the pills into her mouth and took a big drink swallowing them down. She repeated the process a couple of times to get all the pills down. She knew she'd have to get out onto the beam before the pills took effect. She turned behind her and saw the beginnings of light as the sun began to rise. It would only be a few more minutes before there was enough light to move to the spot she wanted. Ashley looked back at the darkness in front of her.

E

"Roy, what do you think about what Mike said? Do you really think he could have killed Ashley's sister?" Johnny asked as the engine raced through the dark streets.

"I don't know what I think, none of it fits with the Mike we know. What I know is that Mike feels he needs to save Ashley to somehow make amends for the past and we are going to do whatever we can to help him." Roy paused, "And Ashley, she's been through a lot."

"One other thing happened, Roy," Johnny looked down remembering the harsh words he had spoken to Ashley as they sat on the picnic table. "I was angry about her kissing you. I confronted her outside and called her a monster. I told her people would be better off if she was just gone," Johnny looked out the side window, "Do you think I caused this?"

"She tries to portray this strong, independent woman, but there's something very fragile about her," Roy said, an image of Ashley crouching down, shaking on the floor in the locker room flashing through his mind. "I think that is what I notice about her the most. I can't explain it, but I feel this need to protect her. I know I didn't handle it the best, but I swear to you Johnny, there wasn't anything sexual between Ashley and I. When I think of her, I'm not imagining going to bed with her; I just feel this need to protect her. In some ways she reminds me so much of Jennifer," Roy thought of his little girl that was always trying to pretend she was as grown up as her older brother, but still wanted only daddy when she had a bad dream. "Does that make any sense?"

"I'm not sure anyone can protect Ashley from this," Johnny said as they passed the last of the trees on the driveway and the headlights picked up Ashley standing on the beam of the building, she was stepping around the corner beam as she had during their call.

E

Ashley had heard the vehicles before she saw the headlights, how had they found her, she wondered. Mike was smarter than she gave him credit for, she thought as she sat down in the spot where she wanted to be. She straddled the beam and leaned her back against the corner support. The sun had come up enough that she could see the water, there was a fog hovering just above the surface and the sky was lightening from black to a deep rich blue. Ashley leaned her head back and took a deep breath, she could feel herself starting to relax, the tension leaving her muscles and her breathing was starting to slow. She wondered briefly if it was the magic of this spot, or simply the drugs starting to take effect.

The men jumped out of the vehicles, life belts, ropes, and medical equipment were quickly gathered and the group headed to the freight elevator much as they had done less than 24 hours earlier.

Mike approached the edge of the floor, making sure he was standing where Ashley could see him. "Ashley," Mike called to her, but she continued to look over the water. "Ashley, please look at me."

Ashley slowly turned her head and looked at Mike, "Please don't do this," he begged.

"Mike, you're better off without me," Ashley took a deep breath. "I'm just messing up your life. Everyone is better off without me. I am a monster, ask Johnny, he can tell you," Ashley shook her head and looked back over the water. The sky was starting to turn a beautiful shade of blue. The streaks of clouds looked like a deep purple with hints of orange and pink around the edges. She thought this might be the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. "Everyone will be better without me," Ashley said quietly. She could tell the pills were starting to work, her body was starting to feel heavy and she had to concentrate to speak.

Mike shot Johnny an angry look, "What did you say to her?"

"Ashley, you are not a monster," Johnny stepped forward. "I'm sorry, Ashley. I was upset, about," Johnny paused not wanting to say anything in front of the other guys.

"My kissing Roy," Ashley finished for him turning back to look at Johnny and Mike.

Everyone turned to look at Roy who felt himself blush. "Ashley, you were upset. You had just relived a very traumatic event. No one is mad at you for what happened." Roy said trying to make her feel better.

"Johnny is, your wife would be," Ashley looked at Roy and shook her head. "Johnny's right, I'm horrible, everyone will be better off if I'm gone," Ashley felt tears start to stream down her cheeks. "I just keep failing everyone. I failed you, I failed in the rescue yesterday morning, I failed M-Maddie," Ashley leaned forward on the beam her body shaking as she sobbed.

Mike's anxiety level rose, along with his confusion, as Ashley started to sob on the beam. She was barely secure just sitting there, crying increased the chances of her falling. "Ashley, what are you talking about, you didn't fail Maddie."

Ashley moved her head so she could look back at Mike. "She was turning around to come back for me because," Ashley paused, her mind not remembering why Maddie had been coming back for her. She was having trouble talking; her brain was getting fuzzy.

In the background, Johnny was putting on his life belt and Roy, Chet and Marco were setting up the lines to guide him out onto the beam.

Something about the way she said the words made Johnny look up. Her words had slowed down and it sounded like she was having difficulty getting out the sentence. Ashley was slumped against the beam, he watched her eyes blink, but they stayed closed for several seconds before slowly opening again. She turned her head to look back over the water. Johnny's eyes darted around the platform and then he saw it. He moved to the side and picked up the pill bottle. He opened the bottle and found it empty.

"Ashley," Johnny moved over to Mike. "Ashley," he called louder when he didn't get a response.

She turned her head slowly and blinked as she tried to focus on the two men now in her line of vision. "Johnny?"

"Ashley, how many of these did you take?" Johnny held up the empty bottle of valium.

Ashley shook her head.

"Ashley, a police officer checked your apartment, he found empty bottles of muscle relaxers and pain pills. Did you take those along with the valium?" Johnny asked. He could feel himself getting nervous. From the way she was moving and the fact her speech was slowing down and seemed to require a lot of effort he already knew the answer, she had taken all three types of pills.

"I d-don know. Enough," Ashley said slowly. Her words slurring slightly.

Johnny and Roy exchanged worried glances. "I've got to get out there, Cap. She loses consciousness and she'll fall for sure."

Johnny moved toward the beam, but Ashley caught the movement out of the corner of her eye. "No!" She shook her head and pointed at Johnny, the action almost causing her to fall off the beam.

Johnny stopped moving and shot Mike a look. Mike knew he needed to distract Ashley so Johnny could get out to her.

Mike started trying to talk to Ashley, but she kept her eyes on Johnny. Johnny moved back over to Roy, Marco, Chet and the Captain. "There's a ladder over in the corner. If you can keep her distracted, I can get up on the beams above her. They guys can lower me down once I am on top of her. She's getting groggy enough she may not notice me that way."

"Do it," Captain Stanley said. "I'll help Stoker keep her occupied."

Captain Stanley moved over to Mike as Chet grabbed the ladder moving it into position. Johnny climbed up and started moving along the beam above the floor.

Ashley's eyes were now closing for longer intervals on each blink. She could hear Mike and Captain Stanley speaking to her, but their words were not making sense to her brain. She looked out over the water; the sun was glistening like diamonds on the waves. The sky was turning light blue and the clouds were streaks of gold. She was pretty sure if she reached out she could touch the clouds. She tried to raise her arm to try, but it felt so heavy.

Her brain registered the fact that someone was trying to tell her to stay awake and not move. She wondered why they would want her to do that, she was so tired, why wouldn't they want her to sleep. Sleep was a good thing.

Johnny lowered himself off the beam, just a few more feet and he would have her. The guys were slowly lowering the line. Mike and Captain Stanley were calling Ashley's name, Mike's voice was rising louder as the panic set in. She wasn't responding to him. He couldn't see her face, didn't know if her eyes were still open, if she was still conscious.

"Ashley!" Mike screamed lunging forward as she slipped from the beam. Captain Stanley grabbed him to keep him from falling off the platform.

Johnny's line jerked and the men pulled back as Ashley's weight was suddenly added to his line. "Get me down as fast as you can, my hold isn't great," Johnny called out.

Captain Stanley moved to replace Roy on the line. Roy grabbed the drug box and defibrillator as Mike grabbed the oxygen and they moved to the freight elevator.

Johnny tried to tell if Ashley was breathing on the way to the ground, but couldn't. He had a tenuous hold on her and didn't want to move at all for fear he would lose his grip.

Mike and Roy met him on the ground; Mike took Ashley from Johnny's arms and laid her on the ground. Roy started checking her vitals while Johnny removed the belt and stepped out of the ropes. Johnny bent down and started hooking up the biophone.

"Rampart, this is squad 51, how do you read?"

Dr. Brackett had just walked into the hospital and stopped at the nursing station to say hi to Dixie. "Go ahead, 51," he responded.

"Rampart, we have a female, 23 years old, who has attempted suicide. Patient took a combination of valium, pain pills and muscle relaxers approximately 30 – 40 minutes ago. Patient is unconscious. Stand by for vitals," Johnny turned to look at Roy, taking out his small pad of paper and removing the pen from his pocket.

"Pulse is 60, respirations are 12, irregular and shallow, bp is 80 /55." Roy said removing the stethoscope from his ears.

Johnny relayed the information to Dr. Brackett.

"51, see if she responds to a verbal command or pain stimuli," Dr. Brackett's voice came over the biophone.

Roy took Ashley by the shoulders, "Ashley, Ashley it's Roy, can you hear me? Ashley, if you can hear me I want you to open your eyes," Roy watched but saw no movement. Johnny leaned over and ran his hand down her leg and tugged at her achillies tendon. She moaned softly.

"Rampart, no response to verbal commands, feeble response to pain," Johnny said looking at Mike as he spoke on the phone.

"51, establish an airway, start an IV with lactate ringers and transport immediately."

Johnny looked up at the Captain who was just approaching them, "Ambulance is on the way," Captain Stanley said knowing what Johnny was about to ask.

"10-4 rampart," Roy was already removing the tube to establish the airway. Mike handed Johnny the IV.

They could hear the sirens for the ambulance in the distance. Captain Stanley looked at Mike. "Chet can return the Engine to the station if you want to go with Ashley."

"Thanks, Cap," Mike looked up at his Captain briefly, but then looked right back at Ashley. He would not look at Johnny and Roy, fearing what he would see in their eyes.

The ambulance pulled up and they brought the stretcher over. Johnny and Roy lifted Ashley and got her situated, Johnny climbed in first, followed by Mike. Roy closed the door, hitting it twice to signal it was clear. The ambulance pulled away from the scene. Roy got in the squad to follow them to the hospital, the rest of the guys loading into the Engine.


	11. Chapter 11

Johnny continued checking Ashley's vitals as the ambulance sped toward Rampart. Her pulse was getting weaker. Mike knew by the look on Johnny's face that things were not good. Johnny suddenly tapped on the window behind him, "Pull over, I lost her pulse," he pulled out his scissors cutting through her sweater so he could put the defibrillator paddles on her chest, flat line.

Roy opened the ambulance doors as Johnny was applying the gel to the paddles. Roy could see the machine from the doors, "2, 3, 4," he counted for Johnny.

"Clear," Johnny said shocking Ashley.

"Nothing," he pushed the button charging the machine again.

"1, 2, 3, 4," Roy counted again.

"Clear," Johnny said. Johnny shocked Ashley for a second time, nothing. Johnny started performing CPR.

Mike had re-established the connection with Rampart. "Rampart, this is Squad 51, do you read," Mike said into the phone.

"Go ahead, 51,"

Mike handed the phone to Roy. "Rampart, we lost patient's pulse and she flat lined. We have defibrillated twice with no change. We have now started CPR."

"51, administer 1 amp sodium bicarb at 5cc's, and 1/10,000 epinephrine IV, try shocking patient again."

"1 amp sodium bicarb at 5cc's and epinephrine IV, 10-4," Roy put down the phone and opened the drug box. He administered the drugs according to Dr. Brackett's orders.

Johnny stopped CPR to grab the paddles, he pushed the button charging the machine for the third time.

"1, 2, 3, 4," Roy counted off.

"Clear," Johnny placed the paddles to Ashley's chest and her body jerked as the electrical charge flowed through her. "Sinus rhythm," Johnny said leaning back. He grabbed the biophone,"Rampart, we have sinus rhythm. ETA is 5 minutes."

"She's back, let's go!" Roy called out to the ambulance attendants.

Roy closed the doors, hitting them with his hand as the ambulance pulled away.

The ambulance doors opened as soon as it backed into a spot. Dr. Brackett and Dixie were both waiting for the patient.

Mike jumped out and helped pull the gurney out of the ambulance. Johnny following behind, he started giving Dr. Brackett the most recent vitals; they were not good and Dr. Brackett gave Johnny a concerned look.

Dixie stopped Mike from entering the room as Dr. Brackett and Johnny wheeled Ashley into Treatment Room 2. "You'll need to wait out here."

Mike was pacing in the hallway when Roy arrived a couple of minutes later. "Roy, please, go find out what is going on."

Roy slipped into the treatment room; Dr. Brackett was giving Dixie orders for labs he needed drawn. They had Ashley hooked up to monitor heart rhythm and pulse and Roy knew from just a quick look at the numbers her condition was critical. Dr. Early entered the treatment room and Johnny and Roy needed to step out to allow the doctors room to work.

Roy glanced at his watch as he entered the hall. He was trying to avoid Mike's eyes. "Please, don't tell me she died, please," Mike leaned against the wall needing the support to stay on his feet.

"She's not dead," Johnny assured Mike.

Roy looked at Johnny; they both knew they needed to prepare Mike for the possibility, "Look Mike, she's in the best hands. But, it's not great right now." Roy said leaning against the wall next to his friend.

Dixie walked out of the room holding the vials of blood for lab tests. "Why don't you guys take Mike down to the doctor's lounge? It'll give you some privacy and no one here is going to mind." She put her hand Mike's arm and gave him a small smile.

"I'm gonna take the squad back the station and then I'll come back," Roy glanced at his watch again. B shift should be arriving at the station about now.

"I'll stay with Mike, will you grab our stuff?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, I'll grab your keys and drive the Rover over so we can get back when we are ready to leave. We won't all fit in my car." Roy looked back at the treatment room door. "Do you think she's gonna make it?" Roy lowered his voice so Mike wouldn't hear him.

Johnny looked at the door too, feeling heaviness in his chest, "I don't know Roy, it didn't look good."

Roy slapped Johnny on the arm and headed toward the squad. Johnny turned back to Mike, taking his arm and directing him to the doctor's lounge.

E

Roy was surprised to find all the men of A shift still waiting at the station. They had changed into their street clothes, but were sitting around the table drinking coffee.

"How is she?" Captain Stanley asked standing up as Roy entered the room.

Roy looked down and gave his head a small shake. He ran his hand through his hair, "Not great, Cap. I'm gonna grab Mike and Johnny's stuff and head back to the hospital. I just want to give Joanne a quick call." Roy moved to the pay phone at the end of the room and dropped in his change.

"Hi, Jo," Roy said as his wife answered the phone. "Listen, there's been a situation here. Ashley's in the hospital. I'm gonna go back there and sit with Mike and Johnny. I didn't want you to worry about me."

"Oh no," Joanne said. "Was she injured on a call?"

Roy took a deep breath, "She tried to commit suicide," he said quietly.

Joanne gasped, "That poor girl. Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come to the hospital? I can bring some food; you guys have to be starving."

Roy smiled, but it quickly turned into a frown, would Joanne feel as bad for Ashley when she knew all the details of the evening. His eyes looked over at the couch where he had been sitting when Ashley kissed him. "Honey, I know you have a lot going on today. I'd love to have you there, but we can just grab something at the hospital. I love you; tell the kids I love them. I really need to get going." Roy disconnected the call knowing he needed to talk to Joanne, but not being able to do it right now.

Roy went into the locker room, changed his clothes and gathered up Mike and Johnny's belongings. He walked out of the locker room and into the parking lot. The Captain, Marco and Chet were waiting for him. "We figured we'd all drive over together," Captain Stanley said taking one of the bags while Roy unlocked Johnny's Rover.

"What?" Roy looked confused.

"One of our men, uh people, is in the hospital, we go and we wait," Chet said opening the door of his station wagon.

Marco and Captain Stanley got in their vehicles waiting for Roy to pull out and lead the way.

E

"What did you say to her?" Mike asked Johnny as they sat down in the lounge.

"Huh?" Johnny asked not following Mike's train of thought.

"Ashley said she was a monster, to just ask you, what did you say to her?" Mike asked, his face starting to flush.

"Look, Mike, I didn't mean it, I was just angry," Johnny tried to explain.

"What did you say to her Johnny? And what did Roy mean when he said she relived a traumatic event?" Mike pressed Johnny.

Johnny dropped his head; he really did not want to have this conversation right now. "Why don't I go see if I can get any information about when she will be moved to a room?" Johnny exited the lounge.

Mike looked up a few minutes later as Captain Stanley, Roy, Chet and Marco entered the doctor's lounge.

"What are you guy's doing here," Mike asked surprised by the entourage.

"Ashley's one of us, Mike. Even if she wasn't, you are. You need your family right now," Marco said taking a seat on the edge of the couch near Mike.

"That's right, we'll be here as long as you need us," Chet sat down in the chair by the door.

Mike dropped his head, humbled that his friends would still be there for him after learning the truth about him. "Thanks," was all he managed to say.

Johnny came back with Dr. Brackett and a woman none of them knew also wearing a lab coat; Johnny looked around shocked to see all the men in the room. Dr. Brackett didn't seem surprised at all; to him this was how the fire department responded when one of their own was injured or sick. Unaware of the earlier drama he just knew that the young paramedic in his treatment room really needed people by her side right now.

"I'm gonna tell it to you straight fellas," Dr. Brackett started out crossing his arms over his chest. "Her condition is critical. We've got her stabilized and will move her into the ICU shortly, at this point only time will tell. If she does survive, we will move her to the psychiatric unit for treatment once she is healthy enough. This is Dr. Rachel Baker; she is a psychiatrist who has been assigned to Ashley's case. She would like to take just a couple of minutes to ask you all some questions about Ashley."

"Dr. Brackett tells me you all are the closest thing Ashley has to family. It will help me with her treatment if I can understand a few things about her. Would you all be willing to talk to me for a few minutes?"

Before the guys could answer there was a light knock and the door was pushed open to reveal Joanne DeSoto carrying a large bag. Roy jumped up to take the bag from her. "Jo, what are you doing here?"

"I figured you guys would be hungry. I just finished baking blueberry muffins so I brought down some muffins, and I have some fruit in there too. I have bananas, apples and a few oranges," Joanne smiled at the group. The men all stood as Joanne entered the room. She walked over to Mike and gave him a hug. "I'm so sorry, Mike. I'm sure she'll be okay."

"Joanne, this is Dr. Baker; she's the psychiatrist assigned to Ashley," Roy introduced Joanne.

Joanne nodded and moved across the room to stand near Johnny. His hands were shoved in his pocket and he was looking at his shoes. "You okay?" Joanne asked putting a hand on Johnny's arm. He just gave a small nod. Roy joined her as the guys passed around muffins and fruit and all grabbed fresh coffee. Dr. Baker waited until everyone was situated.

"Can I ask where Ashley's parents are?" Dr. Baker asked the group.

Everyone looked at Mike; Mike looked up and realized he was going to be the center of attention. "Ashley's mom died giving birth to Ashley. Her dad committed suicide when Ashley was 8."

Dr. Baker made some notes in a notebook. "She doesn't have any siblings?"

"Ashley's sister died ten years ago because I was too caught up in my own selfish desires to protect her," Mike dropped his head feeling the guilt clutch his heart.

Mike thought back to that summer when he met Ashley and Maddie. It was the best summer of his life, up until that horrible day. "Maddie was fifteen; we went to the same school. She was this absolute knockout, with brown hair, bright green eyes and completely carefree. It was incredible given her past, with her mom dying and her dad committing suicide. Because there wasn't any other family, they had gone into the foster care system. Maddie absolutely insisted she and Ashley stay together and took Ashley with her everywhere she went. We spent that whole summer together. I can't remember a time before or since when I've had more fun. Maddie was fearless." Mike's eyes clouded over while he pictured the girl that had stolen his heart.

"I was completely in love with her. She used to sneak out at night and come over to my house. My parents worked night shift and she'd come hang out with me for some pretty heavy make-out sessions. One night she told me she was ready to go all the way, she knew the exact spot where she wanted us to have sex for the first time. There was this spot in the woods not too far from where she and Ashley were staying. She said it was completely private and her most favorite spot in the whole world. We made plans to go there the next day. "

Mike ran his hands over his face remembering that morning. He had been so full of anticipation that it was going to be the most amazing day of his life. He could barely wait to get to the corner park where they had agreed to meet. "I was 20 minutes early to meet her; then she showed up with Ashley in tow. I pulled her aside and asked her if she was crazy, that I was not going to do it with her sister watching. Maddie just laughed and said not to worry, that Ashley was too chicken to follow where we were going. That should have been my clue that this was a bad idea. But, I didn't think about anything except the fact that we were still planning to have sex. She took me to this place in the woods; there was a deep ravine that separated two sides of the land. A tree had fallen and created a bridge," Mike buried his head in his hands remembering that day.

He could smell the damp earth; feel the humidity hanging in the air. He could hear birds chirping and see the gnats in the air. Memories of that day flashed through his mind, his stomach churning as it had that morning in Ashley's apartment. He swallowed hard trying unsuccessfully to avoid getting sick. He jumped up and went over to the corner; leaning over the trash can as his body tried to rid itself of the memory of that day. The guys exchanged looks.

Mike ran his hands through his hair and started pacing the room. "I should have called it off right then. But, I wanted her so bad. Ashley started begging us not to leave her. Maddie told her to sit on a rock and wait for us that she wanted to show me her special spot. Maddie climbed out onto the limb and started to cross the ravine. I should have stopped her. The whole idea was bad; the tree looked like it was 100 years old. All I could think about though was myself and what I wanted. Maddie was just past the halfway mark when I heard it. This horrible cracking sound," Mike looked like he might get sick again. Roy got up and got him a glass of water, while Marco led him back to a chair.

Mike sat down, "Maddie fell, about 50 feet to a ledge in the ravine. I had only made it a few steps out onto the log," Mike paused and grimaced. "I can still hear Ashley screaming as she ran to the edge of the ravine. I had to grab her and hold her back; I swear she would have jumped had I not stopped her. I ran about two miles and got a clerk at the corner store to call for help. They sent the fire department out. Ashley was a mess, I know now she was in shock. They put her in an ambulance and I never saw her again until she showed up here at the station. The firemen went down and got Maddie's body. I don't even know what happened to her. I'm sure the foster parents didn't pay for a funeral".

"Mike," Captain Stanley kept his voice calm and low. "That sounds like a horrible accident and I am so sorry that you and Ashley had to witness that but, that is what it was, a horrible accident. You are not responsible for Maddie's death."

"Yes, I am! Can't you understand, I knew it was a bad idea, I knew what could happen and I still let her try to cross that log, if I hadn't been so caught up in wanting to have sex Maddie would still be alive today. It's my fault she died."

"Didn't you say that Maddie wanted to take you to her special spot?" Dr. Baker asked still making notes in her notebook.

"Yeah," Mike said.

"That would imply she had been to that spot before, meaning she had crossed that log before," Dr. Baker looked up at Mike.

Mike thought for a minute, "It doesn't matter," he shook his head. "If she hadn't been crossing that time she wouldn't have died."

"Has Ashley ever expressed thoughts of killing herself before?" Dr. Baker asked jotting a few more notes in her notebook.

"No," Mike said dropping his head into his hands. Why had she done it, he wondered?

"Why don't you tell me about your last shift?"

"It was actually pretty rough," Captain Stanley began. "Our first call was a suicide. A man on the building where we just pulled Ashley from; she tried to talk him down, but he jumped from the ledge with a rope wrapped around his neck."

"Just like her dad," Mike interjected. "He hung himself in their garage; Ashley is the one who found him."

"We tried to talk to her about it in the squad, but she changed the subject. She had overheard us talking earlier about North Carolina passing a bill establishing a paramedic program," Roy said.

"She heard that?" Marco asked.

"Yeah, she was wondering what was going to happen to her now that her reason for bein' here no longer existed," Johnny said.

Dr. Baker stopped them, "I don't understand, why does a bill in North Carolina effect Ashley?"

Roy and Johnny exchanged glances, but Captain Stanley spoke, "A North Carolina Fire Department arranged for Ashley to come out here and shadow our paramedics to develop a proposal for presentation to the North Carolina Legislation to start a paramedic program."

"But, one passed recently?" Dr. Baker said understanding what that meant.

"Yeah," Roy said looking down. "She realized they were just trying get rid of her."

"Why were they trying to get rid of her?" Mike asked before Dr. Baker could speak.

"There was an incident with the men in her previous station. They attempted to rape her. They said it was a hazing, but it was pretty traumatic for Ashley. She had a flashback just before we got called out on the last run." Roy looked down at the ground and then stole a look at Joanne out of the corner of his eye. He needed to tell her the rest, but not here, he needed them to be alone.

"She went through something like that and you called her a monster?" Mike jumped up pointing his finger at Johnny.

"Mike, I'm sorry, I was angry," Johnny stood up to face Mike.

"Why were you angry at Ashley?" Joanne asked.

Johnny and Roy exchanged looks. Roy stood up and offered Joanne his hand, "Why don't we go for a walk?"

Joanne looked at her husband and looked over at Johnny. She turned and looked over all the guys. They had their heads down and were avoiding her gaze. "No," Joanne pulled her hand from Roy's. "Why was Johnny angry at Ashley?" She looked directly into her husband's blue eyes, her hands on her hips.

Roy looked at the ground and put his hands in his pockets, "Because Ashley kissed me."

Joanne took a step back, looked around the room, looked at Johnny who was looking at the ground, she looked back at Roy. She just shook her head and walked out of the room. Roy quickly followed her.

"Joanne, wait."

E

"What else did you say to her Johnny?" Mike asked as Roy went after Joanne.

"Mike," Johnny put his hands up, as if surrendering. He was trying to diffuse the situation, Mike looked furious.

"No, tell me!" Mike moved closer to Johnny. "She just remembered being attacked by men she should have been able to trust and then you turned on her. What else did you say to her?" Mike shoved a finger into Johnny's chest.

Johnny raised his head and looked Mike directly in the eye, "I told her she was a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told her people would be better off if she was gone."

Mike pulled back his fist and hit Johnny in the face, Johnny backed up his hands going to his mouth. He pulled back his hand revealing blood on his palm. Chet and Marco jumped up to restrain Mike. "Get out! Get out of here, John Gage!" Mike yelled at Johnny, pointing at the door.

Johnny looked over at Captain Stanley, put his head down and walked out of the lounge. As he passed by Mike, Mike grabbed his arm, "If she dies, it's your fault."

E

Roy caught up with Joanne and walked her down the hallway to another waiting area that was empty. He sat down with Joanne; he put his elbows on his knees and briefly rested his head in his hands.

Roy rubbed his hands over his face and swallowed hard. He looked back down at the ground, but started telling his wife his role in all of this, "When Ashley first came to the station, we connected. It just felt like we had known each other a long time, she could really talk to me, you know. I don't know if it was Johnny given me a hard time last month about not havin' what it takes to attract women still, or what, but I guess I let things get outta hand. Ashley developed a crush," Roy risked looking over at Joanne; it broke his heart to see the hurt and anger in her eyes.

"Last night, she flashed back to a memory of being attacked by the men of her former station. She was pretty shaken up. Johnny had kinda been involved in making the memory resurface so I took her into the dayroom to take her bp and try to get her calmed down. I was monitoring her pulse and respirations when she leaned over and kissed me," Roy rubbed his hands over his face again and looked at Joanne.

"I pulled away right away. Ashley got really upset that she had kissed me and ran out of the room. Johnny saw what happened and he followed her outside. He called her a monster." Roy finished trying to sum up the events the best he could. He forced out a deep breath and dared look up at Joanne. But as he turned his head she got to her feet and walked over to the window.

"I'm so sorry, Joanne," Roy stood up and moved over behind Joanne resting her hands on her shoulders. She moved away from him.

"Did anything else happen? She kissed you, did you kiss her back?"

"Joanne, I swear, I pulled away right away," Roy moved so he could face his wife.

"Do you think about her when we're having sex?" Joanne turned to face him, her voice angry, but her eyes looking fearful.

"Jo," Roy reached for her hand. "I know all of this sounds terrible, but I promise you, I don't think of Ashley that way," Roy looked in her eyes. "I'm not gonna tell you it wasn't flattering having a young girl having a crush on me, but I never thought of Ashley like that. In so many ways she reminds me of this scared little girl. I do feel a need to protect her, but I swear to you, I never thought about," Roy paused, "It isn't sexual or romantic. I love you, and only you."

Joanne's eyes searched his and she knew he was telling the truth. Her look softened and Roy pulled her into his arms and held her close. He pulled back slightly so he could kiss her. She slipped her arms around his neck and deepened their kiss, needing to know that he was all hers. When they separated Joanne smiled, "Johnny really called her a monster? Not that I don't feel bad that she tried to kill herself, but it's nice to know Johnny was defending me, us," Joanne said.

Roy put his arm around his wife and walked her back toward the lounge where all the guys were waiting, "Yeah, he definitely was looking out for you and our family."

When they entered the lounge Mike was still pacing and Johnny was noticeably absent. "Where's Johnny?" Roy asked.

"I threw him out. And if you don't like it you can leave too," Mike snapped.

Dr. Baker looked up from her pad where she had been finishing up her notes, "Gentlemen, you really should go home; I won't be allowing her any visitors until I've had a chance to talk to her. From everything I have heard there are some pretty complicated relationships here. I'm gonna want some time with her before I let her deal with any of this."

All the guys looked at Mike. He sat down and picked up a magazine and settled into the couch flipping open the magazine. Chet stretched his legs out on the table in front of him and Marco got up to refill his coffee cup.

"Dr. Baker, you haven't worked with many firefighters have you?" Captain Stanley asked.

"No, they are not part of my normal patient mix," Dr. Baker replied watching the men settle in rather than prepare to go home.

"We will be here until we know Ashley's gonna make it. Then, we will be here in shifts." Captain Stanley adjusted in his seat to get comfortable.

Joanne pulled out an orange from the bag and offered it to Roy. He started to peel it, offering Joanne the first slice.

Dr. Baker smiled and exited the lounge. With these men by her side, Dr. Baker felt confident that Ashley would pull through just fine.


	12. Chapter 12

Dixie saw Johnny walk out of the doctor's lounge with blood on his face and hands. "Oh my gosh, Johnny, what happened?"

He shook his head, "Nothin'."

"Obviously something happened, your lip is bleeding," Dixie grabbed Johnny's arm and moved him into an open treatment room. She got out the stuff needed to clean his lip. It was already starting to bruise and swell. She pulled out an ice pack and handed it to Johnny. He sat on the edge of the table looking at the floor.

"C'mon Johnny, what happened?" Dixie stood in front of the young paramedic.

"I really screwed up Dix," Johnny said continuing to look at the ground. "I think I may have caused Ashley to do this."

"Johnny, what makes you say that?"

"Dixie, it is so complicated I don't even know where to begin," Johnny looked at her with a sad expression that just broke her heart. "But Mike is furious with me. He said if Ashley dies it will be all my fault."

"Did Mike hit you?" Dixie asked incredulously.

Johnny nodded slightly. "Dixie," Johnny looked up, his eyes pleading with her, "Can you get me in to see Ashley?"

"Johnny," Dixie was shaking her head. "She wouldn't even know you were there, she isn't conscious."

"Some people believe people in a coma can still hear what's happening around them. I need to tell her I'm sorry."

"Johnny," Dixie started, but Johnny interrupted.

"Dixie, please. I need to say it, for myself. I need to know I told her I didn't mean what I said."

"Johnny, she's in the ICU. She isn't supposed to have any visitors." Dixie stated, although not with as much conviction as she should.

"Dixie, I called her a monster. I told her she was a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told her people would be better off is she was gone," Johnny gave her an anguished look. "I need to tell her I didn't mean it. If there is any chance she can hear me, I need to tell her how sorry I am."

Dixie looked at Johnny; he had that lost puppy dog look she just couldn't refuse. Dixie let out a long sigh, "Two minutes, Johnny. Not one more second."

"Thanks, Dix," Johnny hopped off the table following Dixie to the ICU.

E

The ICU was silent except for the steady rhythmic beeping of patient monitors. Dixie opened the door to Ashley's room and slipped in with Johnny directly behind her. She stepped off to the side as Johnny approached the bed.

He sucked in a breath as he looked at Ashley lying motionless in the bed. She was so pale, dark circles under her eyes. He reached for her hand, shocked by it's iciness. He placed the back of his hand on her cheek, she was so cold. "Dixie, she is really cold, can you get her another blanket?" Johnny turned to look at the nurse. She nodded her head stepping out of the room, giving Johnny a moment of privacy.

Ashley looked so fragile lying in the bed. He reached up and pushed a piece of hair back with his finger. He took Ashley's hand in both of his, hoping he could give her some of his warmth. "Ashley," Johnny began his voice barely above a whisper. "Ashely, I am so sorry," he said louder, hoping she could hear him. "Please forgive me. I didn't mean it. I don't think you're a monster. We are not better off without you. We all need you Ashley. Please wake up."

Johnny felt tears begin to sting his eyes. He dropped to his knees next to the bed, resting his head on the edge of the bed near Ashley's hand. He took deep breaths trying to regain his composure. Suddenly he held his breath, had he just felt that? There, again. Johnny jerked his head up and looked at Ashley's hand.

Dixie quietly entered the room carrying another blanket. "Dixie, she touched my hair," Johnny looked back at Dixie.

"What? Are you sure?" Dixie moved toward the bed.

"She did it twice," Johnny stared at her hand. "Ashley, Ashley, it's Johnny. Move your fingers again if you can hear me," Johnny paused looking for any movement. "C'mon Ashley, move your fingers," Johnny pleaded.

Dixie rested her hand on Johnny's shoulder, "Johnny, it was probably just an involuntary muscle spasm."

"No, she brushed her fingers against my hair, Dix. She heard me," Johnny's eyes never left Ashley's hand needing to see her move her fingers. Dixie laid the extra blanket over Ashley.

She put her hand under Johnny's elbow to get him to stand. "C'mon Johnny, we need to leave," Dixie tugged him toward the door.

"Dixie, I swear, she moved," Johnny voice was pleading with her to believe him.

Dixie smiled up at him, the knowing smile she gave to family members clinging to any hope their loved one was going to be okay. "Why don't you wait in Dr. Brackett's office? He has gone for the day, you won't run into Mike and I will keep you updated on Ashley's condition."

Johnny just nodded refusing to give up the belief that Ashley had purposely moved her fingers.

E

Joanne leaned over to Roy, "I'm gonna go try to find Johnny," she whispered.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, I want a few minutes alone with Johnny," Joanne looked at Roy. He smiled understanding her need to thank his partner for trying to protect their family.

Joanne wandered around the hallways for a few minutes before locating Dixie. "Dixie, do you know where Johnny is hiding himself?"

Dixie smiled at Joanne, "I have him in Dr. Brackett's office. I promised to keep him updated on Ashley's condition. Mike is really mad at him, huh?"

"Madder than I knew he could get," Joanne said with a sigh.

"Dixie, I need you," Dr. Early poked his head out of Treatment 2.

"You know where Dr. Brackett's office is right?" Dixie said moving away from Joanne.

"Yes, go, I'm all set," Joanne moved down the hallway toward Dr. Brackett's office.

She knocked and opened the door. Johnny jumped up expecting it to be Dixie with news about Ashley.

"Joanne," he said surprised.

She walked over and wrapped her arms around Johnny's neck giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Johnny asked.

Joanne sat down and Johnny sat down next to her. She took in his swollen and bruised lip and dug in her purse for some aspirin. "You should take two of these," she handed the bottle to Johnny.

"Thanks," he dropped two in his palm and picked up his coffee, it was barely lukewarm but he took a quick swallow.

"Thank you for protecting my family, Johnny."

"Joanne, I really screwed this up," Johnny dropped his head. "What if Mike is right and Ashley tried to kill herself because of what I said."

Joanne put her hand on top of Johnny's. "You were just protecting your family, Johnny. It sounds like there are much bigger things in Ashley's life than just that one conversation. This is not your fault."

"I know how Mike feels now," Johnny said running a hand through his hair. "Cap told him that Maddie's death was a horrible accident, but Mike believes with all his heart that he could have stopped it so for him those words mean very little. I know that Ashley had terrible tragedies in her life, but fear that I was the final straw to make her try to take her own life. The rest means very little," Johnny looked at Joanne the sadness nearly overwhelming him.

Joanne pulled Johnny close hugging the man she loved like a brother, needing to try to bring him some comfort. Joanne thought back to what Roy said, is this how he felt about Ashley? If it was she would support them both the best she could. Roy wasn't threatened by her feelings for Johnny because Roy and Johnny were best friends. She was willing to bet Ashley could use a good friend. Joanne decided as soon as she could she would speak to Dr. Baker about visiting her.

E

Johnny had somehow managed to fall asleep on Dr. Brackett's couch after Joanne went back to join Roy and the rest of the guys. He was jolted awake by a hand on his shoulder. Roy was kneeling down near him, "Ashley regained consciousness. They will keep her in ICU for another 24 hours to make sure she continues to improve, but then they will move her to the psych unit.

"Thank God," Johnny whispered.

Johnny rubbed his eyes, "Joanne told you where to find me?"

Roy nodded, picking up the coffee cup he had brought Johnny and handing it to him. "It's probably good you gave Mike some space though. He's taking this really hard."

"Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" Johnny asked taking a sip of the coffee.

"He's got to, we're family." Roy said with more hope than he was feeling at the moment. Mike had been really upset. Roy had tried to talk to him a few times over the last several hours. The last time Mike had told him if he mentioned Johnny's name again he would deck him too.

"Dr. Baker said she won't let us see Ashley until she has been moved to the psych unit and they have had a chance to talk. She said it would be at least a couple of days. Joanne just left with Mike. She'll take him back to the station to get his truck. I told her I would go and find you and you can drive me back to get my car," Roy said looking a little closer at Johnny's lip. "He got you pretty good, your lip is really bruised."

Johnny raised his hand to touch his mouth, "I'm lucky he didn't knock out a tooth; he hit me pretty hard."

"Keep icing it throughout the day," Roy said.

Johnny stood up to go, but looked around, "I feel bad leaving without seeing her. I really want to talk to her. To make sure she knows how sorry I am." Johnny thought back to those few minutes in the ICU, had she known he was there?

"Give her time to talk through some of this with a professional, right now that's the best thing for her," Roy pulled the Rover keys out of his pocket. "Are you okay to drive?"

"Yeah," Johnny took the keys and headed toward the exit.

E

Dr. Baker sat across from Ashley, not surprised the young woman was refusing to meet her eyes or answer any of her questions. Ashley had refused to talk to her when she was in the ICU; and the last few days on the psychiatric unit had not changed that. Ashley sat on the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest, her gaze fixed on the floor.

"Ashley, I'm not going to let you have any visitors until you and I have talked. A lot went on the 24 hours leading up to your suicide attempt and I need us to start talking about it before I let you start interacting with those that were involved in those incidents with you."

"No one wants to see me anyway so you are wasting your time," Ashley said, her voice barely a whisper.

Dr. Baker kept from smiling, Ashley had just broken her silence. "Actually, you have had several people coming by to see you almost every day," Dr. Baker pulled out the visitor sign in sheet, "Mike Stoker, John Gage, Marco Lopez, Chet Kelly, Hank Stanley, Roy and Joanne DeSoto."

Ashley looked up and met Dr. Baker's eyes, "Roy's wife came to see me?"

"Yes, she was here the day they brought you in too," Dr. Baker leaned back watching to see how Ashley took the news.

"Probably to tell me she's sorry I failed in my attempt," Ashley looked back at the carpet.

"Is that really what you believe?" Dr. Baker wanted to keep Ashley talking now that she had started a dialogue.

"I kissed her husband," Ashley said as way of an answer.

"Are you in love with Roy?" Dr. Baker asked.

Ashley looked up at Dr. Baker, but didn't say anything. She was thinking back to Roy calling her Ash in the lounge at Rampart that first day, checking her foot when she dropped the glass and she thought back to the night when she was rubbing his shoulders. She thought about how he made her feel.

"I trust Roy. I feel safe when he's around, and like I can be myself," Ashley picked at a piece of fuzz on the knee of her pants.

"Were you sexually attracted to Roy?" Dr. Baker asked.

Ashley looked up at her, "I thought he was attractive. He has really nice eyes and he made me feel safe, that's very attractive."

"I didn't ask you if you thought he was attractive. I asked if you were sexually attracted to him?"

Ashley thought back over the last couple of months, she shook her head no. "I thought about him holding me, keeping me safe, but I don't ever remember thinking about anything sexual. To be honest, I remember being pretty shocked that I kissed him. I barely even remember doing it, I just remember he made me feel safe and then next thing I knew he was pushing me away."

"You were pretty emotional when it happened. You remembered an event that made you feel very vulnerable and even in danger. Roy was providing you that protection you keep talking about when you think about what he means to you. It isn't surprising your brain reacted with an act of physical affection to express the gratitude for the emotional strength and physical care you were getting from him. We don't often know how to express love outside of physical contact, but there are lots of different types of love outside of romantic love," Dr. Baker said jotting a few notes in her notepad.

"So your telling me that I am not in love with Roy, but I may have responded with physical affection because I didn't know how else to express my gratitude? That maybe I do love him, but the way you would love an older brother, someone I can trust and lean on?" Ashley asked.

"I'm not telling you anything, that is what you're telling me," Dr. Baker looked at Ashley. "I'm just helping you ask yourself the right questions."

"Does Roy's wife hate me?" Ashley asked.

"I haven't had a chance to sit down with Joanne yet; but, if you would like to ask her that question I can arrange a visit." Dr. Baker said.

"Oh, I don't think I want to see her, not face to face," Ashley shrank back some in the couch.

"I think it may be a good first step. I know it is scary, but a big part of getting better Ashley is going to be facing the things that scare you." Dr. Baker watched as tears filled Ashley's eyes.

"Trying to face the things that scared me is what got me here in the first place," Ashley wiped at the tears that spilled on to her cheeks.

"What do you mean?" Dr. Baker leaned forward knowing this was going to be key to Ashley's recovery.

Ashley merely shook her head, unwilling to talk anymore.

"Okay, Ashley. We can be done for today. I'll leave word that you may visit with Joanne DeSoto if you want to, but right now that is the only visitor I will approve." Dr. Baker gathered up her notepad and went to her office. She pulled out the phone number and placed a call to the DeSoto residence.

"Hello," a young boy's voice answered the phone.

"Hi, I'm calling for Joanne DeSoto," Dr. Baker said.

"Mom," the boy called out not covering the mouthpiece on the phone. "Phone!"

Dr. Baker could hear a female voice in the distance, "Who is it?"

"I forgot to ask," the boy answered back. "Who may I ask is calling?" He said into the phone remembering the phone etiquette his parents were trying to teach him.

Dr. Baker smiled, "It is Dr. Baker, from Rampart Hospital."

"Dr. Baker from Rampart Hospital," the young boy relayed the message.

"Thank you, Chris. I've got it," Joanne took the phone from her young son, but waited until he moved down the hall before she spoke.

"This is Joanne DeSoto," she said into the phone.

"Mrs. Desoto, this is Dr. Baker. I was wondering if you were still wanting to meet with Ashley James?" Dr. Baker hoped the woman had not changed her mind. In all reality, this may be the easiest relationship to start with given the complexities of Ashley's relationship with Mike and even Johnny.

Joanne bit her bottom lip, she glanced around to make sure he children were not in ear shot, "I'll be honest Dr. Baker, I'm a bit torn. I do feel bad for Ashley, it sounds like she has had some real tragedies in her life, and in order for my husband to have such a strong reaction to her there must be something he finds special about her, but I can't lie about the fact I am angry that she kissed my husband."

Dr. Baker smiled, "I don't want you to lie. In fact, I would want you to say exactly what you said to me to her."

"You want me to tell a woman that just tried to kill herself that I am angry at her?" Joanne said in disbelief.

"I can't divulge what Ashley and I discuss in therapy, but I think she is ready to have an honest conversation about her connection with your husband. Insincere words are not going to help her come to grips with the things that have happened, but hearing that things are not as bad as she thinks is going to be good for her. Ashley needs to be able to face the hard events in a safe space; she can do that here. I want to help her face as many of those obstacle as I can."

Joanne thought about Dr. Baker's words for a few seconds, "When would you want me to come see her?"

"This afternoon if possible," Dr. Baker said.

Roy was off today, he and Johnny had gone out fishing early, but he should be back around 1:00 PM. "I can probably be there around 3:00 PM, does that work?"

"That would be great. I won't be available, but Ashley's nurse Tina will meet you and take you to her."

"Okay, good-bye," Joanne continued looking at the phone for a few minutes after she had disconnected the call. What had she just gotten herself into, she wondered.

E

"Congratulations, Ashley, I hear you have been approved for a visitor," Tina came in carrying a small cup with pills and a larger cup filled with water.

"The wife of the man I kissed, I hardly think congratulations are appropriate," Ashley said looking at Tina. She really liked her nurse, she reminded her a lot of Maddie. She had a very easy going way about her.

"The congratulations are because that is the first step to really getting better." Tina said handing her the pill cup.

Ashley obediently swallowed her pills and opened her mouth so Tina could check to make sure she had actually swallowed them and not hid them under her tongue to spit out later, as she had tried the first couple of times.

"If this goes well, I bet Dr. Baker will allow some of the others in that have been coming to check on you. You're the envy of every patient here, even though they know they can't see you, you have people stopping by every day, or when they are on shift they call to see how you're doing and let us know when they will be back in."

"That is if I survive Joanne's visit, I wouldn't blame her if she wanted to kill me herself," Ashley said miserably.

"I somehow doubt Dr. Baker would have approved her seeing you if she thought Joanne might hurt you," Tina smiled and sat down next to Ashley on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, she will probably just feed me some lie about understanding that I didn't mean it and that she isn't mad at me," Ashley frowned.

"I'm glad you started talking to Dr. Baker." Tina tried her best to help all of her patients, and did try to maintain a professional distance, but something about Ashley made her spend a little more time with her.

"I'll give her credit; she did really help me look at how I felt about Roy. If you had asked yesterday if I was in love with Roy, I probably would have said yes. She helped me understand that while I do really care about Roy, and maybe even love him, it is more the type of love you would feel for an older brother. In fact, if Roy was a bit older I would describe it as how you would feel about a dad."

Ashley paused and thought back over her interactions with Roy, "That's probably why his calling me Ash meant so much to me. My dad used to call me Ash," Ashley smiled at the memory.

"In fact, my dad, Maddie and Mike were the only ones who ever called me Ash; but Mike hasn't done that since I've been back, just that one summer," Ashley frowned. She assumed Mike hadn't call her Ash because he blamed her for Maddie's death, but she vaguely remembered him saying she didn't fail Maddie when she was on the beam. Did he not blame her for Maddie's death or had he just said that to get her to come off the beam?

"Have you said anything to Mike about the fact he doesn't call you Ash anymore?" Tina looked over at Ashley.

Ashley just shook her head.

"Why not?"

Ashley looked over at Tina, "I'm afraid of the answer."

Tina reached over and grabbed Ashley's hand, "We are here to help you face your fears."

"Dr. Baker said the same thing, but it's not that simple," Ashley pulled her hand away from Tina's. "You don't know the whole story, you don't know...," Ashley paused and just shook her head unwilling to say anything else.

Tina knew she needed to get back to her other patients. She put her hand on Ashley's shoulder as she stood up. "You can trust me Ashley, and Dr. Baker when you're ready. I have a gut feeling you can trust those men that keep coming to see you too."

Ashley watched Tina leave the room and wondered if her words might possibly be true.

E

"You're gonna do what?' Roy turned to look at Joanne, his mouth hanging open.

He and Johnny had laid out newspapers on the picnic table in the backyard and were just getting ready to clean the fish they had caught.

Johnny stood there holding the filet knife in his hand grateful he had not started slicing before Joanne dropped her bombshell, he could have cut his finger off from the shock of her words.

"I'm going to go to Rampart this afternoon and see Ashley. Dr. Baker called this morning and asked me if I would." Joanne looked at both men.

"Dr. Baker actually thinks that's a good idea?" Johnny asked.

"I am assuming she does or she wouldn't have called me. Are you saying you don't want me to see her?" Joanne looked at Johnny and then Roy.

Roy looked at Johnny and then back at his wife. "No, I just, I mean," Roy took a deep breath and tried to organize his thoughts. "Aren't you still a bit angry with Ashley?"

"Yes, I am," Joanne said. "But apparently Dr. Baker doesn't think that is something I should hide from Ashley. As long as I tell her all the other things I feel."

"Which are?" Johnny asked sitting down on the picnic table and looking at Joanne. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of Joanne going to tell Ashley she was mad at her. "I mean, that is kind of what I did that night and look how bad that turned out."

"I feel sorry for Ashley; she's had a rough life. I also know that for Roy to feel so connected to her there must be something pretty special about her. But, I don't want to be wondering all the time if she is making a pass at my husband. I need to know where she is at in all this," Joanne said feeling for the first time that going to meet Ashley was the right thing to do.

Johnny and Roy exchanged glances. Roy pulled his wife into a hug, "I know you'll handle it well, sweetheart."

Johnny looked down at his hands; he wished he had Roy's confidence. He feared how Ashley would handle the conversation.

E

"Hi, my name is Joanne DeSoto, I'm here to see Ashley James," Joanne said as she pushed the button on the intercom.

"Yes, Mrs. DeSoto, we were told to expect you. Tina will be up in a minute to let you in," a voice responded.

Just a few minutes later the doors made a buzzing sound and were opened by a young woman with dark brown hair and dark eyes. She gave Joanne a reassuring smile and held the door open for her. Joanne entered a long hallway with a few rooms and another set of double doors at the end.

"Hi, Mrs. DeSoto, I'm Tina, Ashley's nurse," Tina offered her hand.

Joanne shook her hand and returned her smile.

"We are going to walk down this hallway, I will buzz us in through the other doors and we will be on the unit. I am going to take you to a visiting room just a few doors inside. Ashley's already waiting in the room," Tina explained as they started to walk.

Joanne just nodded, her throat feeling very dry.

Tina stopped at the next set of double doors, "Try to relax, Ashley is just as nervous as you are, maybe even more so," Tina slipped her key into the lock and turned it until the doors buzzed. She pushed them open with one hand and allowed Joanne to enter.

Ashley sat on the far side of the room in a large chair, her legs tucked underneath her, her arms wrapped around a pillow as if she was shielding herself.

Joanne walked in and sat down in a chair facing Ashley, but about halfway across the room.

"Hi, I'm Joanne DeSoto," Joanne said, even though the introduction probably wasn't necessary.

"Ashley James," Ashley's voice was so low Joanne had to strain to hear her.

Neither woman said anything for a few minutes. Finally, Ashley spoke, "If Dr. Baker is letting you see me then I guess you're here to tell me that you understand why I kissed Roy and you're not mad at me. Or something along those lines," Ashley said sarcastically, but her gaze was on the floor.

"No, I am mad at you," Joanne said plainly.

Ashley's head snapped up and she met Joanne's eyes. Ashley looked shocked, "You are?"

"You didn't think I would be?" Joanne asked.

Ashley hesitated for a few seconds, "I didn't think you'd be honest with me."

"I think we need to be honest with each other Ashley. Roy really cares about you, that tells me that there must be something pretty special about you. But, you can't be kissing my husband."

Ashley felt tears start to sting her eyes, "I am really sorry, if that matters at all."

"It does," Joanne paused. "Are you in love with my husband?" Joanne blurted out the question that had been on her mind since that day in the hospital.

Ashley looked at Joanne, "Not the way you love Roy," Ashley said. She unfolded her legs from underneath her and leaned forward in her chair looking at Joanne. "I care a lot about Roy. He makes me feel safe and protected. I feel like I can be myself with him and he still likes me. Not in a romantic way," Ashley quickly added. "But, like a big brother would feel for his sister."

"I never meant to cause problems, Joanne," Ashley stood up and paced in a small space. "Roy has been so nice to me, I really didn't mean to complicate his life," Ashley moved to a chair near Joanne. "He didn't kiss me back. He pushed me back right away and shook his head no. It was all my fault," Ashley could feel the tears stinging her eyes again.

Joanne looked at the young girl and finally understood what Roy was trying to say when he said there was something vulnerable about Ashley that made him want to protect her, Joanne felt the same feeling wash over her. She reached across the chair and put her hand over Ashley's, "Thank you, for making sure I knew that."

Ashley looked down at Joanne's hand and then back up at her. Joanne offered her a real smile, "I can understand why Roy likes you so much, why all the guys at the station like you. I hope we can get to know each other better."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" Ashley asked Joanne.

"I don't want us to be enemies, Ashley. As long as you don't kiss my husband again," Joanne smiled at Ashley.

"Cross my heart," Ashley took her index finger on her right hand and made an X over her heart. She smiled back at Joanne.

"Now if we could just get Mike and Johnny to be this reasonable," Joanne said.

"Why? What happened between Mike and Johnny?" Ashley looked bewildered.

Joanne paused, unsure of what to say. She decided that total honesty was what she wanted between her and Ashley. "Mike heard what Johnny said to you after you kissed Roy. He was furious. He punched Johnny in the face at the hospital. They haven't spoken since."

"But, they would have been on shift together since then," Ashley could not imagine them getting through a shift without speaking at least a little bit to each other.

"Mike traded several shifts with an Engineer on C shift so he wouldn't have to work with Johnny. Roy thinks he may ask for permanent reassignment," Joanne looked down at her hands thinking about what a huge mess this was turning into.

"He can't do that!" Ashley stood up. "The men on A shift are a family, he can't break that up. I've got to talk to Mike," Ashley stood up.

"Thank you for coming to see me. And thank you so much for being honest with me about Mike and Johnny. I promise, I will fix this," Ashley said to Joanne as she opened the door of the visitor room. Tina was in the hallway at the nursing station.

Ashley turned to Tina, "I need to be able to talk to Mike. How do I get permission to see him?"

"You're gonna have to talk to Dr. Baker," Tina said. "She's gonna want to talk about the day your sister died."

Ashley paled, but then she tried to imagine Mike hitting Johnny. "Whatever I have to do, when can I see her?"

"She will be back in tomorrow morning. I'll leave her a note that you want to see her right away," Tina looked past Ashley to Joanne. "I can walk you out."

Joanne moved passed Ashley and followed Tina through the first set of double doors. Joanne headed home to tell Roy about her visit with Ashley. She was willing to bet money that Johnny would be there waiting as well.


	13. Chapter 13

"I hear you want to see me," Dr. Baker walked into Ashley's room at 8:00 AM. She was not surprised to find the young woman dressed and waiting for her. Tina had reported that Ashley had been very concerned about needing to talk to Mike.

"I need to be able to talk to Mike. He is about to really screw up his job, and lose a valuable friend because of me and I need to stop him." Ashley stood up, clearly agitated by the situation.

"Ashley, you can't be responsible for Mike's choices," Dr. Baker started.

"No," Ashley interrupted. "He is blaming Johnny for my suicide attempt and that isn't it at all. I need him to stop being mad at Johnny."

Dr. Baker thought for a couple of minutes. "Perhaps we could have a joint session with Mike to discuss the day that Maddie died. Give you both the opportunity to discuss the event from your individual perspectives."

Ashley closed her eyes dreading having that conversation, but knowing she couldn't let Mike leave Station 51s A shift. "As soon as possible, please."

E

Mike was finishing briefing Chad Stewart, the Engineer that would be working with A shift that day about the calls the night before. The Engine had been a little slow to start when they were leaving the last call so he would need to look it over.

Mike looked up as Johnny entered from the back door, but quickly turned his head avoiding eye contact.

"So what did Gage do that has you so mad?" Chad asked.

"Stay out of it Chad," Mike said letting his words carry a bite of anger.

"Hey, man, I don't want to get in the middle of it, but rumor has it you are looking for reassignment," Chad looked at Mike wondering what the truth was with the two of them.

"Yes, I am looking for reassignment. I can't work with someone like him," was all Mike said. "Look, I gotta go." Mike said heading for the exit when the phone rang.

Mike stopped to pick it up since he was right next to the phone. "Station 51, Mike Stoker speaking."

"Mike, this is Dr. Baker. I am sorry to call you at the Station, but I needed to try to reach you." Dr. Baker's voice came over the phone line.

Mike felt his breath catch and his heart skip a beat, "Is Ashley okay?"

"Yes, yes, she's fine. I actually wanted to see if you would be willing to do a joint therapy session with her later this morning?"

Mike dropped his head desperately wanting to say no. He knew the psychiatrist was going to want to talk to him about his role in Maddie's death. He also knew that she didn't think he should hold himself responsible and she was wrong.

"Do you really think that is necessary?"

"Yes, Mike. I do really think it is necessary," Dr. Baker said.

"Okay, I can probably be there by 10:00 AM," Mike said with a sigh.

"Great, we will see you then," Dr. Baker disconnected the call before Mike could even say good-bye.

Mike walked out to the parking lot as Captain Stanley was getting out of his car.

"Mike, I'm glad you haven't left yet," Captain Stanley had wanted to talk to his Engineer about the rumor he was hearing.

"Cap, before you say anything, you are not going to change my mind. I am going to request a reassignment, unless you want to move Gage. I cannot work with him," Mike put his hands in his pockets, but looked his Captain directly in the eye.

"Mike, let's at least try to talk about this," Captain Stanley reasoned.

"There's nothing to talk about. What he did is unforgiveable. Thankfully Ashley is going to live, but no thanks to John. It is either him or me. I know Roy really likes working with him so out of respect for Roy I am requesting to be moved. I have to get going, I'm headed over to see Ashley," Mike moved to his truck without giving Captain Stanley the opportunity to respond.

E

Mike shifted nervously as he waited for someone to come and let him onto the psychiatric unit. He took a step back as the door buzzed and it was opened by a very pretty woman with dark hair and dark eyes. "Hi, I'm Tina. I'm Ashley's nurse," she stepped back so Mike could pass through the doorway.

He held out his hand once in the hallway, "Mike Stoker."

Tina shook his hand and walked him down the hallway. "Ashley and Dr. Baker are waiting for you. Can I get you anything to drink?"

Mike smiled, "I would love some coffee; we got called out at 4:00 AM last night so I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked."

Tina smiled at him, "The joys of being a firefighter. My dad is a Battalion Chief in New Mexico. He has some of the most inspiring stories," Tina paused before she inserted her key to allow them through the second set of doors. "And some of the most tragic. It takes a special kind of person to do what you do for a living, Mike."

Mike blushed at her compliment, "Thanks."

She led Mike to Dr. Baker's office and then stepped out to get his coffee. Dr. Baker was sitting behind her desk and Ashley was the chair farthest from the door. She looked up when Mike entered and couldn't help but smile. Ashley stood up and Mike quickly crossed the room to wrap her in a hug. He hadn't seen her since they had wheeled her into the Treatment room and he had been unsure she would live.

After a few minutes Mike stepped back and looked her over, "You look good."

Ashley smiled at him looking into his eyes, "You look stressed," she said taking in the drawn look in his eyes.

Tina stepped back in and set a cup of coffee on the small table between the two chairs across from Dr. Baker's desk. As she stepped out she closed the door to give the group privacy.

"Please, have a seat," Dr. Baker said to Ashley and Mike.

Ashley moved back to the chair she had been in earlier and Mike sat in the other one. He picked up the coffee cup and took a drink, mainly because he needed something to do.

"I know Ashley has her own agenda on what she wants to discuss," Dr. Baker started.

"Yeah, like what the heck are you thinking requesting a transfer?" Ashley interrupted.

"But, we are going to start out with talking about the day that Maddie died," Dr. Baker stopped Ashley from going any further.

"I'm not going to work with Gage after what he said to you," Mike said turning to Ashley. "It is completely unforgiveable."

"Wait," Dr. Baker interjected. "I know you both have strong feelings about the incident that took place a few days ago; but trust me when I tell you that you will be able to better understand those events when you understand the events that took place 10 years ago."

Ashley sighed and pulled her feet up on the chair, wrapping her arms around her legs. Mike put the coffee cup down.

"Ashley, why don't you start with what you remember from that day. I think it's probably safe to start from when you arrived in the woods," Dr. Baker said having already heard Mike's version a few days earlier in the hospital.

Ashley closed her eyes, she could vividly remember that day. It had been humid, there were more gnats than usual in the air and while Maddie had left Ashley sitting on the rock while she crossed to the other side many times before, that day Ashley had really not wanted her to go.

"I remember thinking the three of us were going to go on a picnic in the woods. There was a spot Maddie and I would go to a lot, and she had brought a blanket so I thought Mike was going to join us at our normal picnic spot. But, when we got there, it became obvious that Maddie was going to take Mike to her private spot and leave me sitting by myself in the woods."

"Maddie had left me several times to cross the ravine and go to her special spot, as she called it; but this time I remember getting so upset. I didn't want her and Mike to leave me by myself. I started to cry and beg her not to leave me," Ashley could feel the panic in her chest, the same as she had that day.

"I sat on the rock, but kept crying and begging Maddie not to leave me. I watched her start crossing over on the log. I don't know why I couldn't stop crying; I had never done that before. Not even the first time Maddie had left me to explore the other side of the ravine. My crying must have finally gotten to Maddie because she was turning around to come back and get me when she fell off the log. I can remember her screaming, and I can hear the thud as her body hit the ledge," Ashley paled, hearing the sound echo in her ears as she spoke. She tightened her grip around her legs and her body started to shake.

"If she hadn't been turning around to come back and get me she wouldn't have fallen. It w-was all m-my f-f-fault," Ashley started to sob. "I, I'm s-s-sorry, M-Mike."

Mike sat there dumbfounded by what he was hearing. He reached over and touched Ashley's hand, "Ashley, that isn't what happened."

"Y-yes, it, it w-was," Ashley cried.

"Ashley, listen to me," Mike squeezed her hand to get her to look at him. "Maddie was not turning around for you. "

"She was," Ashley insisted. "If I had been braver, if I hadn't been afraid to cross the log she'd still be alive. If I hadn't been crying and b-b-begging her not to leave me, s-s-she'd still, still b-be a-alive." Ashley buried her face in her knees her sobs racking her body.

Mike moved out of his chair, kneeling in front of Ashley, he gently pulled her legs down so he could embrace her. Holding her head against his shoulder while she cried. "Shhh, Ashley, shhh, I promise you, this was not your fault. That isn't what happened."

Ashley sniffed and Mike reached over and got her a tissue from the box on Dr. Baker's desk. He handed it to her keeping his arms around her as she dried her tears. "Mike, I was there, I know what happened," Ashley said trying to regain her composure.

"Ashley, I promise you, Maddie was not turning around to come get you. She didn't want you to cross the ravine," Mike took a deep breath and looked down at Ashley's knees unable to meet her gaze. "Maddie wanted to take me to her special spot because we were going to have sex. She wouldn't have been turning around to get you; she was counting on your not crossing that log."

Mike took a deep breath and looked up to meet Ashley's eyes, "It's my fault Maddie died. I should have never let her cross that log. I knew it was a bad idea, but I was so caught up in my own selfish desires that I didn't stop her. I'm the reason she died that day, it's my fault you were left all alone." Tears were streaming down Mike's cheeks. He dropped his head into Ashley's lap, "Please, please forgive me Ashley."

Ashley looked up at Dr. Baker who was watching the exchange and making notes in her notepad. She looked down at Mike and ran her fingers through his hair. He lifted his head and she slid off the chair to wrap her arms around him, "Mike, this was not your fault. Maddie crossed that log all the time," Ashley said emphatically holding him tightly.

Dr. Baker let them sit like that for a couple of minutes, no one speaking.

"I'd like to ask a few questions, if I may," Dr. Baker finally said.

Ashley moved back and sat in her chair. Mike stood up, took a tissue from the box and moved back to his chair blowing his nose. Ashley was chewing on her bottom lip thinking of everything Mike had said.

"Mike," Dr. Baker looked at him knowing that he was completely convinced that he could have stopped this tragedy. "Why do you think Maddie fell? Not, why she was on the tree limb, but what physical action made her fall?"

"The tree limb cracked," Mike said looking down at the ground. "I heard the cracking sound and looked at Maddie as it gave way."

"What if you had stopped Maddie from crossing the log at that moment? Imagine for a minute that you convinced her that this was not the right time for you to have sex, for whatever reason. Let's even assume that your backing out didn't upset her and she crossed the limb just to get away from you and get to her private place. Let's pretend, just for this minute that the three of you had your picnic in the woods and no one crossed that limb that day. Do you think the tree limb would have been more stable the next day?" Dr. Baker looked at Mike.

"No," Mike said.

"Do you think Maddie would have never crossed that log again to get to her special spot?" Dr. Baker asked.

"She would have definitely crossed it again. She went to her special spot at least once a week; had been from the very first day she found it." Ashley answered for Mike.

"Okay. So now let's continue with our imagined scenario for a minute. You have convinced her not to cross the log. But, two days later, she decides she needs to get to her special spot. She and Ashley go into the woods, like that had every week for quite some time. Ashley is sitting on the rock, and Maddie is crossing the log. Now it breaks, what happened to Maddie doesn't change, she falls and is tragically killed. But, now what happens to Ashley?"

Dr. Baker waited to see if Mike would answer. He looked at Dr. Baker and then over at Ashley, but he didn't speak.

"When you were talking the day Ashley was admitted to the hospital, you mentioned that Ashley ran toward the ravine and you had to grab her. What do you think would have happened if Maddie had fallen a few days later with just Ashley there?" Dr. Baker asked Mike.

Mike looked at the ground and just shrugged his shoulders.

"If she hadn't jumped into the ravine after her sister, you described her as being in shock when the fire department arrived. What if you hadn't been there to run and get help? What happens to a person who doesn't get treated when they go into shock?" Dr. Baker asked letting the question linger in the silence.

"I probably would have died too," Ashley answered looking at Mike. "Maddie would have died falling off that log no matter what you had done that day. But, if you hadn't been there, I might have died too."

"You don't know that," Mike said, unwilling to let go of the guilt he felt in Maddie's death.

Ashley leaned over and put her hand on his, "Neither do you."

"I said I loved her, but I didn't protect her. I put my desires above her safety. It was an incredibly stupid, selfish, reckless thing to do," Mike said trying to get them to understand why he was responsible. No matter what scenario they wanted to paint, he had failed to keep the girl he loved safe.

"Mike, you keep people safe every day you are on the job. Those men depend on your knowledge and diligence to keep them alive every time they go into a burning building. You prove every shift that you are responsible and protective." Dr. Baker said trying to get Mike to see the man he had become.

"I was reckless," Mike insisted.

"Is that why you have not done ANY of the things you used to dream about doing that summer. You talked almost daily about how you were going to go sky diving for your 18th birthday, yet you've never gone. Scuba diving, hang gliding, or parasailing, Mike you haven't followed through on any of the adventures you used to dream about," Ashley said.

"You don't usually do those things alone, Ashley. My recklessness already cost one person their life, I won't risk that again," Mike clenched his fist and hit it against his knee. "I won't!"

"You weren't reckless!" Ashley stood to her feet. "Maddie crossed that log every week, every week Mike. Maybe you wanted her to cross that day, but it wouldn't have mattered if you had stopped her. We both knew Maddie, if you had backed out she would have taken it as your saying you didn't want to be with her. She would have crossed to just get away from you. If you had never planned to have sex that day, she would have crossed that log to get to her private spot within a couple of days anyway, because that is what Maddie did. You couldn't stop this, Mike. It was a horrible, horrible tragedy," Ashley felt tears starting to sting her eyes again. "We have already lost Maddie, but if we don't accept that her death was just a horrible accident, we are going to lose ourselves. We've already lost ten years."

Dr. Baker looked up, "What do you mean by 'lose ourselves', Ashley?"

Ashley looked at Dr. Baker and then back at Mike. She sat down in the chair, but leaned forward looking at Mike. "You have already given up on all the dreams you had, all the adventures you wanted to have, all the experiences you should have been having the last ten years have not happened, because you are punishing yourself. You've mistaken adventurous for reckless and you stopped being you. So determined that you will never let anyone down, that you've stopped living the life you wanted to have. You need to find a way to let it go, Mike. Your desires, your sense of adventure, your decisions, did not cost Maddie her life. You need to stop letting her death cost you yours."

Mike dropped his head and looked at the floor for a long time. He slowly raised his head and met Ashley's eyes, "I don't know how," he whispered.

"I can help you with that, Mike. If you're ready to move forward," Dr. Baker said softly.

Mike nodded, but didn't speak.

"Ashley," Dr. Baker turned her attention to the young woman in front of her. "You said, ourselves, what have you lost?" Dr. Baker was hoping Ashley would use the same insight for herself that she had just used when understanding what Mike had been living with for the last decade.

"I thought Maddie died because I was a chicken. I thought she was turning around to come back for me because I was too scared to cross that log," Ashley said looking at Dr. Baker. "I have spent the last ten years trying to be fearless. I HAVE done all the adventures Mike talked about. I've been sky diving and scuba diving and parasailing. Anything to prove I wasn't a coward, to be more like Maddie."

"But?" Dr. Baker pushed.

Ashley bit her lower lip and looked over at Mike, "But somewhere along the way, adventurous turned reckless. I started pushing the limits, getting drunk and almost going home with a stranger, driving way to fast, running into burning buildings without proper equipment," Ashley mentioned a few of the most recent events. "I think I was hoping I would die like Maddie, a tragic accident." Ashley looked down unable to look at Dr. Baker or Mike as she made her confession.

"When everything fell apart, when I kissed Roy, when Johnny called me a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, when the Captain told me I was through, I just couldn't go on anymore. I realized I had lost everything. Moving forward just felt too hard, the passive suicide attempts had failed, like I had failed at everything else, and I just wanted to be done." Ashley said quietly.

"And now?" Dr. Baker asked.

Ashley was quiet for a long time. "Ashley, do you still want to be done?" Mike asked quietly watching her sit there with her head down, her hands twisting in her lap.

"I don't know," Ashley said quietly.

"Why don't you think you can move forward?" Dr. Baker asked.

"You have to forgive Johnny," Ashley said changing the subject. "He is not the reason I did this."

"What he said was cruel and he did it when you were hurting and vulnerable," Mike felt his anger return fast and hot.

"He didn't know what I had told Roy," Ashley said in Johnny's defense.

"He knew you were upset, that should have been enough," Mike pushed his hands through his hair and turned to face Ashley.

"If he had been nicer to you, shown you some care and compassion, maybe you wouldn't have," Mike paused unable to say the rest of the sentence.

"Tried to kill myself," Ashley finished for him. "It wasn't Johnny, Mike. What he said, or didn't say, or didn't do, had no bearing on what decisions I made. Besides, Johnny was right," Ashley shrugged as she finished her sentence.

Mike jumped to his feet, "He was not right! You are NOT a monster," Mike raised his voice.

"I was being two people, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I was me sometimes and other times I was trying to be some fearless person, that if I had been that person that day Maddie wouldn't have died. But, it wasn't changing anything, no matter how far I pushed the limits, Maddie was still dead. No matter what I did, I still killed my sister," Ashley stood facing Mike. "Johnny was not wrong."

"You didn't kill your sister," Mike grabbed Ashley's arms.

"Neither did you. But, saying that, hearing that, doesn't make me feel that. At least not yet," Ashley said quietly looking deep into Mike's blue eyes.

He pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly. He knew exactly what she meant, he didn't feel any less guilty at that moment, but his brain was starting to accept that possibility, that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't been responsible for Maddie's death.

E

Dr. Baker eventually ended the session and called for Tina to walk Mike out while she walked Ashley back to her room.

Mike stood in the doorway of the office watching Dr. Baker walk Ashley down the hall toward her room. He was unsure what he felt.

"Kind of feels like you've gone 5 rounds with Muhammad Ali, doesn't it?" Tina asked as she approached Mike.

"10," Mike said with a tentative smile.

"I have a break right now, why don't you let me buy you a coffee before you drive home," Tina inserted her key and opened the first door for Mike.

He thought about it for a minute and nodded his head. They walked in silence to the cafeteria, Tina knowing that Mike needed some time to sort out all the thoughts that had to be running through his head.

They sat down at a table outside and Tina raised her face to the sun, "Wow, it is really a beautiful day."

Mike looked around, noticing the clear skies and warm sun for the first time. "Yeah," was all he said.

Mike looked down at his coffee cup, "Do you think Ashley will try to kill herself again?"

"I think now, is way too early to make those kind of predictions," Tina said taking a sip of her coffee. "Personally, I think Ashley is making great progress. Did she tell you she spoke to Joanne DeSoto the other day?"

Mike looked up a shocked expression on his face, "No, are you serious?"

"Yep, and from what I could tell it was a really positive conversation. My guess is your session just now was incredibly intense. It raises a lot of emotions and is probably very overwhelming for Ashley right now. Be honest, it feels a bit overwhelming for YOU and you didn't just have a suicide attempt. "

Mike just nodded.

"Give her time Mike. Keep letting her know that you are there for her, that she can feel all the things she's feeling and you won't turn away from her. Just letting her know that you are there for her is going to make all the difference in her recovery."

Mike smiled at Tina, "You must be really good at your job, you're very smart."

Tina looked Mike in the eye, "Not smart, experienced. Seven years ago I was where Ashley is now."

"What?" Mike was surprised by her candor.

"That is why I chose to be a nurse in the psychiatric unit. I know how people like Ashley are feeling first hand. I know what it is like to have life knock you down and be convinced you can't get back up. But, I survived, more than that, I've thrived. I hope to give that encouragement to my patients. To let them know they can have a future."

Mike looked at the beautiful, composed woman in front of him and wondered why she would have ever felt the need to take her own life, but he wasn't sure how to ask the question.

"My best friend and I were in a car accident. I was driving, I walked away, but she died on the scene," Tina said knowing what Mike was thinking. "I couldn't get past the guilt, eventually it had destroyed so much of me I just couldn't imagine living one more day feeling the way I did."

"The way Ashley and I have both felt responsible for Maddie's death," Mike said looking down at his coffee cup. "She tried to kill herself too, why do you think I haven't?"

Tina caught Mike's eye and turned the question to him, "Why do you think you haven't?"

Mike thought for a few seconds, "Because I went the opposite way, dedicating my life to making sure I kept people safe, rescued them from danger. Tried to stop accidents from happening."

Tina reached over and put her hand on Mike's, "I think you will do very well in therapy. You already have great insight. It really does help Mike, and will help you help Ashley."

"Thanks, Tina. I really needed the pep talk," Mike smiled, feeling a little better than he had when he walked out of Dr. Baker's office.

Tina smiled as she stood up, "I had better get back to my patients. Drive safe, Mike"

Mike watched her walk out of the cafeteria. He took a last sip of his coffee and headed home to get some much needed rest.


	14. Chapter 14

Later that night, Ashley sat on her bed picking at a loose string in the bedspread. "You're gonna ruin that bedspread."

Ashley looked up to see Tina standing in the doorway. "Hey, what are you doin' here?"

"I'm bringing you contraband," Tina entered the room and sat cross-legged at the end of the bed. She opened the bag; Ashley could smell the chocolate chip cookies before she ever saw them.

"You're a good woman," Ashley said reaching into the bag and taking out a chocolate chip cookie that was still a little warm.

Tina reached into her purse and removed two cartons of milk, "Now what do ya think of me?"

Ashley smiled, "I like you even more than I did 30 seconds ago." Ashley leaned over accepting the milk. She placed it unopened on the table beside her bed. Tina put the carton in the middle of her crossed legs and helped herself to a cookie.

"Good session?" Tina asked, looking at Ashley.

"I didn't get Mike to promise he would forgive Johnny," Ashley said looking back down at the bed.

"That doesn't mean it wasn't a good session?"

"It does to me," Ashley looked back at Tina

"C'mon Ashley," Tina said as she opened her carton of milk. "You have to stop trying to hide behind Mike and Johnny's issues and deal with yours. Mike and Johnny are grown men; they will work this out."

"No, they won't," Ashley shook her head knowing how stubborn Mike could be sometimes. Ashley bit her lip contemplating a plan.

"Tina," Ashley looked up at her friend. "That picture on your desk, is that you skydiving?"

Tina cocked her head wondering where that question came from, "Yes. I love it; I usually go once a month."

"How would you feel about taking Mike and Johnny sky diving?" Ashley asked a little twinkle in her eye.

"They'd never agree to go," Tina shook her head wondering what Ashley was thinking.

"They would if they just thought they were going with you. But, you'd have a little drama to deal with at first," Ashley thought through her plan. "I will call Mike and tell him I want him to go because he has always talked about wanting to go and I think it's important. I will make him promise me he will go with you. Can you go next Tuesday? Neither one should be on shift."

"Yes, I can get next Tuesday off to go, but what about Johnny?"

"Oh, that's easy, you'll just ask Johnny out for a sky diving date, "Ashley smiled. "He won't be able to resist a pretty girl like you. Once he finds out Mike is there, you'll just have to use a bit of charm to keep him on the date."

Tina frowned, she wasn't sure this was such a good idea.

Ashley could see her hesitation, "Please, Tina. This is really important to me."

"Okay, you take care of Mike and I'll take care of Johnny," Tina smiled and held out her milk carton. Ashley tapped her carton to Tina's; opened it and took a big drink.

Tina helped arrange for Ashley to use a phone so she could call Mike.

He answered on the third ring, "Hello."

"Mike, it's Ashley. I have been thinking about something all afternoon and I want you to promise me something," Ashley launched into the spiel she had been practicing in her head.

"What do you want me to promise you?" Mike said feeling a bit hesitant.

"I want you to go sky diving with Tina next Tuesday. You talked about it non-stop that summer. You gave up that dream when Maddie died. I know you are not completely ready to let go of the responsibility you feel, but I think this is a great first step."

"Ashley, I don't know," Mike twisted the phone cord listening to Ashley's voice.

"Please, Mike," Ashley begged. "This is really important to me. Promise me you will do this. Please."

"Okay, Ashley. I promise, I will go sky diving with Tina," Mike agreed.

"This Tuesday, no exceptions, no excuses," Ashley needed to make sure he was there Tuesday.

"Ashley, I will go sky diving with Tina next Tuesday. You have my word," Mike said.

"Thanks, Mike!" Ashley hung up the phone and looked at Tina. "One down, one to go. Are you sure Johnny will be here tomorrow?"

"He has been here every day that he hasn't been on shift. Every time, they send me up to tell him that he still isn't on the approved visitor list. Every time he tells me when he will be back. Today he told me he would see me tomorrow. He'll be here," Tina assured her.

E

Tina got the call she had been expecting all morning, John Gage was at the main door requesting to see Ashley. Tina made her way up to the main entrance and buzzed herself out of the unit and stepped into the hallway with Johnny. She gave him her best smile, "Hi, Johnny, I've been expecting you."

"Has the situation changed, am I approved to see Ashley?" Johnny asked hopefully.

"No, Johnny, I'm sorry, that still hasn't changed," Tina put a hand on his arm.

Johnny shoved his hands in his pocket and shuffled his feet, "I have called Dr. Baker's office several times and she hasn't called me back. I know she says she wants to meet with me before she'll let me see Ashley, but I can't get her to see me."

"I will have a word with her Johnny, see if I can't get you on her calendar," Tina moved closer to Johnny as she gave his arm a slight squeeze. "Johnny, I'm going sky diving on Tuesday, I'd love it if you came with me. Maybe we could have a nice picnic lunch afterward."

Johnny ran a hand through his hair, "Uh, thanks, Tina; maybe some other time. You'll talk to Dr. Baker though? I'll come back tomorrow."

"Johnny, wait," Tina moved to stop him from leaving. "Look, the sky diving date wasn't my idea. Ashley asked me to ask you to go sky diving with me on Tuesday. It is very important to her."

Johnny looked confused, "Ashley needs to be focused on getting better, not my love life."

Tina looked down and considered her options, "Come sit with me for a minute." Tina led Johnny over to a couple of chairs.

"Ashley is hoping to get you and Mike talking again. Mike is going to be at sky diving on Tuesday as well. She is hoping being forced together, in an intense situation will get you talking again."

Johnny looked over at Tina and shook his head, "Won't work, Mike'll just leave."

"No, I don't' think so. She made him promise her that he would go sky diving with me on Tuesday. To leave, he'd have to break his promise."

"He will just insist I leave," Johnny said.

"So tell me to tell Ashley that you promise you will be there on Tuesday. You'd have to break your promise too. I can tell Mike that wouldn't be good for Ashley's recovery."

Johnny looked at the ground. He didn't like trapping Mike. He also wasn't crazy about the idea of sky diving. He wasn't afraid of heights, but sky diving had never been an activity he felt he needed to do.

Tina could see that Johnny was having doubts. "This is really important to Ashley, Johnny. She feels responsible for you and Mike fighting and she is letting this consume her thoughts. She needs to help get this resolved so she can focus on the issues she actually needs to deal with," Tina said.

"Alright," Johnny said reluctantly. "Tell her I will be there."

Tina gave him a big smile, "Thanks, Johnny. I won't forget to talk to Dr. Baker."

Tina stopped by Ashley's room when she got back on the unit. "It's all set. Johnny will join me for sky diving on Tuesday."

"Thanks, Tina. I know you will have a bit of drama when they first realize we tricked them, but I really do think this will work," Ashley said feeling just a twinge of doubt. Would Mike break his promise to her? Would Johnny be willing to stay when Mike showed up?

Tina paused for just a second, "Ashley, Johnny knows about the plan."

"What? Why did you tell him? He still agreed to do it?" Ashley stood up surprised by Tina's statement.

"He turned me down for the date. It was the only way I could get him to agree to go. I made him tell me that he promised you that he would be there on Tuesday."

Ashley thought for a second, "Wow, he must really be upset by all this stuff going on with Mike if he turned down a date with you. Thank you again Tina for doing this for me." Ashley leaned over and gave the nurse a quick hug. "I don't know how I am going to make it till Tuesday."

Tina shook her head, she really hoped this worked out.

E

Tina arrived at the sky diving location early to talk to the instructors. "The two guys meeting me today, are firefighters that are having a pretty serious fight. A mutual friend is hoping to use this experience to get them to make-up," Tina explained to Rick and Chuck.

They exchanged glances and shrugged. "I've seen stranger things happen, it is a pretty intense ride," Chuck said.

"Do you think there is anything you can do to maybe help them along?" Tina asked.

"What's the situation?" Rick asked.

"Mike, the guy that is tandem jumping with you Rick is really mad at Johnny because of something he said to a girl they are both friends with. It is a complicated story, but Johnny was pretty mean to her about a situation that happened. Later she tried to kill herself and Mike blames Johnny. Ashley has told Mike, it wasn't Johnny's fault, but he hasn't forgiven him yet." Tina tried to sum up the situation quickly, Mike and Johnny should be arriving any second.

Rick looked at Chuck, "We could delay things a little when Chuck and Johnny jump. Give Mike a little scare, maybe make him realize how important his friend is to him."

Chuck shrugged, "Yeah, I'm fine with that."

Tina laughed, "You guys are terrible. But, do it. This needs to work."

Tina saw Mike walking toward her. She waved and walked over to meet him. "Hi, Mike. I'm glad you made it. Come meet Rick, he is the person who will be jumping with you."

She put her arm through Mike's and walked him over to the two instructors. "Mike, this is Rick Waters, he is the instructor you will be jumping with."

"Hi," Mike extended his hand, "Nice to meet you."

He and Rick shook hands, Mike looked at Chuck, "You must be the lucky guy that gets to be strapped to her?" He said referring to Tina.

Chuck looked over at Tina, "No way. Tina has enough hours she could be an instructor. She'll jump solo. My guess is that's the guy I am throwing out of the plane," Chuck pointed toward the man walking toward them.

Mike turned and saw Johnny walking toward the group. "No way," Mike's face started to redden. "Get out of here Gage!"

"Mike, I promised Ashley I would do this. I'm not leaving," Johnny said quietly. He hated that Mike was so mad at him.

"Then I am," Mike said as he turned toward the exit.

Tina stepped in front of him, "You also made a promise to Ashley, are you really going to break that promise?"

Mike looked at Tina and then he looked over at Johnny and back at Tina, "She set this up, didn't she?"

"It's really important to Ashley. She told you her suicide attempt wasn't his fault. She wants you to forgive him and start working together again," Tina put her hand on Mike's arm. "She cares a lot about both of you."

"He called her a monster, did she tell you that," Mike raised his voice. "Told her she was a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, that people would be better off is she was gone."

Tina met Mike's eyes, she kept her hand resting on Mike's arm and her voice low, "I also know he is the one that caught her when she fell off the beam. He was the one who performed CPR to save her life, and he has been to the hospital every day he hasn't been on shift to check on her, even though they won't let him in to see her."

When Mike didn't seem to be relenting she tried a different approach, "If you leave, you will have broken your promise to Ashley, how do you think that will make her feel?"

Mike ran his hands through his hair, Ashley had trapped him. He had to stay to avoid breaking his promise. He knew if Johnny promised to stay he wouldn't leave either. "Let's just get this over with," he said.

Mike and Johnny spent the next 40 minutes being given basic instructions. Mike did his best to keep his interactions with Johnny to a bare minimum. The three of them were ready to load up in the plane. "You and Johnny will go first, then I will join you," Tina explained to Mike as they boarded the plane. Mike just nodded. Everyone took their spots in the plane, Mike kept his gaze fixed on the floor.

"Mike, you and I are gonna jump first," Rick said as the plane started nearing the jump zone. "Chuck and Johnny will follow behind just a few seconds later."

Mike swallowed and nodded. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this nervous. Why had he wanted to do this so bad 10 years ago?

Mike looked up and his eyes met a pair of brown eyes that he figured were reflecting the nervousness that must be showing in his own blue eyes. He and Johnny continued to look at each other. Neither saying anything.

Rick said something to him that Mike couldn't quite make out, but he was standing up. Mike stood with him and the next thing he knew they were free falling out of the plane. Mike watched as the ground starting rushing toward him. For a moment the sensation was sheer panic. Suddenly, he felt himself being jerked up as the parachute opened. He took a deep breath and felt the relief in that one action.

Rick taped his arm and pointed upward. Mike watched as Johnny and Chuck left the plan and began the free fall. They were falling fast, quickly approaching the same height where Mike and Rick now floated on the parachute. Mike kept waiting for their parachute to open. Johnny and Chuck fell past them plummeting toward the ground. Mike looked down feeling a renewed sense of panic. Something was wrong, their parachute wasn't opening. "Johnny," Mike yelled out.

Suddenly blue fabric filled the air as their parachute shot out of the pack and fully opened, slowing Chuck and Johnny's descent. Mike wasn't sure if he felt the greater sense of relief when his parachute opened, or when Johnny's had.

Mike took a moment to look around, this had to be the most amazing thing he had ever done. So much adrenaline had been pumping through his body all of his senses were kicked into high gear. He could feel the sun on his face, the air was so fresh and clean. He could see for miles. Mike enjoyed the next 5 minutes as they made their way to the landing zone. Mike watched as Johnny and Chuck hit the ground and then felt as he and Rick touched down several feet to their right.

"That was amazing," Mike said as someone came and started unhooking him and Rick. He looked around and saw Johnny walking toward him. Mike moved to meet him as soon as he was free of the rigging. "Man, you scared me to death when you flew passed me and your chute hadn't opened. I haven't been that scared since," Mike paused remembering the way he felt as Ashley slipped from the beam. "Since Ashley," he finished.

Johnny looked down at his feet and then back up at Mike, "I know."

"Look, John," Mike paused wondering what to say to this man who had been like a brother for several years. "I was scared. I wasn't sure she was going to live. I was mad at myself for not having seen it coming and stopping it. You did a great job taking care of her that night after Flames, you saved her when she fell off that beam. She's alive because of what you did in that ambulance. I'm sorry, man," Mike said stretching out his hand.

Johnny took his hand and pulled him in, wrapping one arm around him and slapping his back before releasing him and stepping back.

Tina watched the exchange as she walked toward the guys. She smiled knowing Ashley was going to be thrilled.

"I am starving," Mike announced as Tina joined him and Johnny. "I was so nervous this morning I couldn't even eat a piece of toast. Whaddya say the three of us go and grab lunch?"

Johnny looked at Mike who was watching Tina slip out of her sky diving suit. "You know, I'm actually gonna head over to the hospital and see if I can't convince Dr. Baker to let me see Ashley."

"Johnny, I was able to add you to her calendar on Thursday at 10:00 AM," Tina said at his comment.

"Thanks, Tina, but I am gonna do everything I can to see her today," Johnny turned and started heading toward his car. He stopped and turned back around, "Stoker, see you next shift?"

Mike smiled and raised his hand in a wave good-bye, "See ya next shift!" Mike offered his arm to Tina, "I can drive to lunch and then bring you back for your car," he offered.

Tina smiled taking his arm, "Sounds good. I am not sure what you had in mind, but I know this great burger place a couple of blocks from here."

"Sounds great."

E

Johnny waited as the receptionist paged Dr. Baker. He paced in the hallway waiting to see if she would be willing to see him right now. He had no intention of leaving. "Mr. Gage, Dr. Baker says she is going into a therapy session and won't be free for over an hour," the receptionist was holding the receiver against her shoulder so Johnny assumed she still had Dr. Baker on the line.

"Tell her, I'll wait," Johnny said sitting down in a chair.

The receptionist put the phone back to her ear, Johnny assumed she was relaying his message. She hung up without saying anything else to him. Johnny leaned over and picked up a magazine getting ready for a long wait. He figured he would give it an hour and a half and then he would ask to see her again. He didn't have to do that, at an hour and twenty minutes, Dr. Baker exited the door and walked over to him.

"I noticed you are on my calendar for Thursday, this wouldn't wait?" Dr. Baker asked as she moved in front of him.

"No, it couldn't," Johnny rose from his seat. "I need to see Ashley."

Dr. Baker looked at Johnny for several seconds, she turned around and headed back toward the door she had exited just a minute before, "Follow me."

Johnny followed Dr. Baker back to her office, she pointed out a chair and closed the door as Johnny entered the room.

"Why do you want to see Ashley so much?" Dr. Baker asked as she took her seat across from the young paramedic.

Johnny looked at her with his dark eyes, "I said some really horrible things to her. I need to tell her how sorry I am. I need to tell her I didn't mean them," Johnny paused scrubbing his hands over his face. "I need to tell her I'm sorry."

Dr. Baker took in Johnny's posture, he was slumped forward, after his statement he was not meeting her gaze, but was looking at the floor. He was clenching and unclenching his fists. "You feel guilty," Dr. Baker summed up the issue as she saw it.

Johnny raised his eyes, "Yes."

Dr. Baker tapped the eraser end of her pencil on her desk a few times. "What happens if she confirms your fears, that what you said is what caused her to try to take her life?"

Johnny felt a pain in his chest, "Did she tell you that? Did she tell you," Johnny paused unable to finish the sentence or the thought?

"No, she didn't tell me that," Dr. Baker said. "But, what I don't want to happen is her to confirm that what you said was a factor in her decision and then you get defensive and say something else that is going to hurt her."

Johnny's heart ached hearing the doctor say he might hurt Ashley again. How hard was it going to be if Ashley looked at him and confirmed the thoughts that had been running through his head? Johnny dropped his head into his hands and rested his elbows on his knees.

"Johnny, Ashley has told me and Mike that her conversation with you was not the cause of her suicide attempt. But, some of what you said did affect her. It gave her insight, that may have impacted her decision." Dr. Baker cautioned him.

Johnny nodded, "I still want to see her."

"Okay," Dr. Baker leaned back in her chair. "Give me a few minutes. I will see if I can arrange for you to have the group therapy room to yourselves. It is a nice space, and will give you some privacy," Dr. Baker stood up and left her office.

She walked into Ashley's room, she was looking out the window, "Ashley?"

Ashley turned around to look at Dr. Baker, "Didn't I just see you?" Ashley smiled referring to the group session she had just been involved in with Dr. Baker.

"You have a visitor," Dr. Baker moved across the room. "John Gage is here to see you."

Ashley smiled, "You're gonna let me see him?"

"I am," Dr. Baker said. "Ashley, Johnny is feeling a lot of guilt over what he said to you, but it is important that you deal with what he said to you, and how it made you feel. Then, factor in that you feel guilty about Johnny and Mike's fight. This is going to be almost as emotional as your conversation with Mike. I am trying to decide if I let you two talk alone or if I treat it as a couple's session and stay in the room with you."

"Johnny also saved my life," Ashley said looking at Dr. Baker. "Johnny's comment helped me see what I was doing, trying to be someone I wasn't. Being called a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, yes, that night, it was a factor in my decision to take those pills, but now, now it is a catalyst to trying to figure all this out."

"I'll have him join you the therapy room," Dr. Baker smiled at Ashley decided to test to see how she handled an intense conversation on her own. Ashley was coming along well and Dr. Baker knew her time remaining on the unit was short.

Dr. Baker walked back to her office to get Johnny. She leaned into the room looking at the young man sitting in the chair. Johnny was wringing his hands. "I'll take you to Ashley."

Johnny stood up following Dr. Baker past several rooms. She stopped at a door and indicated Johnny should go in. He walked through the doorway and saw Ashley standing with her back to him looking at a painting on the wall.

Images of Ashley sitting on the beam, laying on the gurney in the ambulance while he performed CPR and lying motionless in the ICU flashed through his brain. Johnny cleared his throat and Ashley turned around. He sucked in a breath, today, her skin was radiant, her blonde hair flowed around her face and cascaded past her shoulders and her eyes had a sparkle he didn't remember being there before.

"Hi," Johnny said, feeling a bit unsure of how to act with her.

A huge smile spread across Ashley's face, "Johnny."

He crossed the room taking her in his arms and holding her close. He inhaled her scent and was once again reminded of his mom. He tightened his hold and rested his face against her hair just briefly. He pulled back giving her a brief kiss on the cheek. "You look amazing."

Ashley pulled back and searched Johnny's eyes, he had dark circles under his eyes and looked stressed. "I am so sorry for what is going on with you and Mike."

"We're fine Ashley," Johnny said. "Your plan worked, we made up sky diving this morning."

Ashley turned throwing her arms around his neck, "You did!" Johnny was almost knocked over by her enthusiastic embrace.

"We did," he hugged her back. He pointed to the couch and waited for her to sit before he took a seat on the other side and turned so he could face her.

"You and Mike are really okay? He isn't going to request a transfer away for A shift?" Ashley asked needing more reassurance.

"He told me he would see me next shift. He invited me to lunch, he told me he was sorry. We really are good Ashley, you have my word," Johnny smiled at her.

Ashley beamed with the good news. She took a deep breath feeling the relief wash over her that this crisis had been resolved. Ashley looked at Johnny, he still looked troubled.

"I want to thank you for saving my life," Ashley said turning to face him, tucking one leg underneath her. "I was told you caught me when I fell off that beam. Then performed CPR when my heart stopped in the ambulance. Although, I wish you hadn't had to cut through my favorite sweater. You couldn't have taken a second to just slip it off," Ashley attempted to bring humor to the conversation.

Johnny's mind flashed back to that moment in the ambulance. He remembered how he felt when he realized Ashley's heart had stopped. He swallowed hard still feeling that sense of dread, knowledge about what the vitals were telling him waring with the hope she would survive. "Ashley," Johnny tried to figure out how to verbalize what he felt at that moment.

Ashley leaned over and touched Johnny's hand, "Seriously, Johnny. I'm here today because of what you did."

"What we all did, Ashley. Mike realized as soon as Tim called him what was going on. Cap called in the silent alarm; he made sure an ambulance was on the way. Chet and Marco got me down to you. It was a team effort. We all care about you, Ashley," Johnny took her hand looking down at it for a moment.

"Ashley," Johnny hesitated. "I am so sorry about what I said that night. I didn't mean any of it. I was just shocked when I saw you kiss Roy. Roy, Joanne, their kids, they're my family. I felt like my family was in danger. I reacted terribly, it was stupid. I'm so sorry."

Johnny bowed his head. Ashley gave his hand a squeeze and slowly pulled her hand back. "You were right, Johnny," she said quietly.

"No," Johnny looked up shaking his head emphatically. "No, I was not right. I was angry and stupid. Nothing I said was right, it was hostile and mean and I'm so, so sorry. Since that night all I have wondered is did what I said make you…," Johnny struggled to ask the question. "Did what I said, is that why, did you try to kill yourself because of what I said to you?"

Ashley bit her lower lip. Dr. Baker said she needed to be honest with Johnny about how things affected her, but she could see the pain in his face and she just wanted to make it better. Ashley kept her gaze on Johnny's hands that were resting on his legs. "When you came to join me on the picnic table, I was already berating myself for being so stupid. I didn't make my decision at the point of that conversation, but the comments struck a chord."

"Johnny," Ashley moved closer to him on the couch. "You were right. I was acting like a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

Ashley met Johnny's eyes as he started to shake his head again, "You've heard Mike's version of the day Maddie died. But, you haven't heard mine. I thought Maddie died because she was turning back around coming to get me. I thought she died because I was a coward." Ashley looked down at her hands she started twisting them in front of her.

Johnny reached over and took her hands in his. He gave them a gentle squeeze, encouraging her to go on. "I have spent the last ten years trying to be the person I thought wouldn't have gotten Maddie killed," Ashley felt a tear start running down her cheek. "But somewhere along the way, brave became reckless. I think I have been passively trying to kill myself for some time now. That night, it just all came crashing down. I couldn't believe I had kissed Roy, I knew he was going to hate me and I would lose that friendship I was starting to count on. When you called me a monster, I knew you were right, and you didn't know my role in Maddie's death. To me, that was the worst thing about me and if you thought I was a monster without knowing about that, then I thought I must really be horrible."

"Ashley, you're not a monster. Please, please listen to me. I was such a jerk to say those things," Johnny leaned over to the table and grabbed a tissue from the box. He moved closer to Ashley, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"I was trying to be two people. There was me, Ashley, and then the person I wanted so desperately to be, that had started out just as a braver version of myself, but had turned into this irresponsible person who was reckless to the point of risking not only my life, but the lives of those around me. I realized you had seen what I was doing. I just wanted to escape having to face what I had become."

"So, I am to blame, at least partly," Johnny dropped his head.

Ashley reached out and put her hand on his cheek, she stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. She moved her hand up and ran her fingers through his hair, "No, Johnny. You were just one small domino in a whole box of falling dominos. Leaving out our conversation that night, I don't see it ending any different than it did. But, I don't think my recovery would be going as well. I had never realized what I was turning into, I thought I was just being me, and that I was failing at everything and people really didn't like me. I couldn't see a way to ever make it better. That is why I tried to kill myself. With therapy, I am realizing, people didn't like the reckless, irresponsible side that was coming out. The Mr. Hyde, if you will. I started to realize, if I worked on just being Ashley, maybe my life wouldn't be falling apart. It is that hope that is helping me today."

Johnny met Ashley's gaze, "I like the real Ashley, quite a bit. So does Roy and Mike and all the guys at the station."

Ashley smiled at Johnny, tears in both of their eyes. "I'm gonna miss you so much," Ashley whispered.

Johnny looked puzzled, "Why are you gonna miss me?"

"The Captain told me I was done at 51, I'll never get into the Fire Academy here. I seriously doubt after this they'll ever let me be a paramedic again," Ashley looked around the room. "No one wants a crazy person carrying for their sick family," Ashley tried to smile.

Johnny moved closer to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. She rested her head on his shoulder, "You're not crazy, Ashley. You had some really tough breaks and hadn't learned how to deal with them. Now you're learning," Johnny said holding her close.

He adjusted their position so he could look into her eyes, but he kept his arm around her, "I'm not goin' anywhere. No matter what happens with you being a paramedic, or a fire fighter, or a nurse. As long as you choose to stay in the area, I'm here for you. So are Mike, and Roy, Chet, Marco and even Cap. You're one of us Ashley, and we are all here for you," Johnny pulled her in close and rested his head against hers.

He sat holding her for a few minutes. Suddenly, Johnny cleared his throat, and moved back on the couch, "I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life that night."

"That was one of my stupidest all time moves," Ashley said missing the warmth of his hold she wrapped her arms around her waist. "Captain Stanley had a team on the way to save you. He was going to have to divert them to find me. I could have just as easily cost you your life."

"I couldn't have held on much longer," Johnny said. "I told the Captain, the other team would have never gotten to me in time. You knew exactly how to get to me. Your mistake was not talking to the Captain and putting on the appropriate safety gear. But, you did save my life that day, Ashley."

Ashley gave him a small smile, "I guess that makes us even then. I saved you and then you saved me."

Johnny laughed. He stood up and offered Ashley his hand, pulling her to her feet. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, "Have a good night. I'm on shift tomorrow, I will see you the day after that," Johnny looked at her waiting for her to nod.

She walked him to the exit and watched as he walked out the doors. She smiled and headed to her room.

Johnny made his way back to the registration desk. "Excuse me," Johnny got the attention of the secretary are the desk. He explained what he needed. She smiled and said she was sure she could help. He dug change out of his pocket and walked over to the pay phone, he dropped in his change dialing the familiar number, "Hey, Jo," he said when the phone was answered on the other side of the line. "I need a favor," Johnny started the conversation.


	15. Chapter 15

"Mornin', Mornin', Mornin'," Johnny said as he entered the locker room. Roy was just buttoning up his uniform shirt.

"You're in a good mood this morning," he commented as he pinned his badge to his shirt.

"I got to see Ashley yesterday," Johnny said sliding off his shirt and hanging it in his locker.

"I take it the conversation went well," Roy said as he closed his locker and leaned back against it watching his partner's expressions.

"It was intense," Johnny said pausing to look at Roy. "But, overall, very good. I think she's gonna be okay."

"Are you talking about Ashley," Mike asked as he walked into the locker room.

"Yeah, I got to see her yesterday," Johnny said as he pulled on his uniform shirt.

Roy looked from Johnny to Mike, "Mike, you're back on shift, you're talking to Johnny?" Roy looked a little perplexed.

"Yeah, it's amazing what thinking you're gonna see someone splattered all over the ground will do to your anger," Mike said cryptically.

"Huh?"

Johnny and Mike just laughed.

"No, seriously, what's goin' on?"

"Ashley set us up yesterday. She had me meet her nurse Tina to go skydiving and also had Johnny meet Tina to go skydiving. Then, after we jumped out of the plane, my parachute opened and I was watching Johnny freefall and he went right past me without his chute opening. I really thought I was going to watch him die. Her plan to get us talking again really worked," Mike said as he started changing.

"Go, Ashley," Roy said with a smile.

"Yeah, I think she is going to be just fine," Johnny said with a smile.

Mike thought back to when he had asked her if she still wanted to be done and she said she didn't know. "I hope so," he said.

"Why, what makes you think she isn't?" Johnny asked, his eyes locking with Mike's.

Mike shrugged," When we talked, she said that she had felt like she failed at everything and she just wanted to be done. I asked her if she still wanted to be done, and she told me she didn't know."

"When I talked to her yesterday she said she was trying to work on being herself and that was giving her hope. Hope is what people who try to kill themselves are missing right, so if she feels hope she should be okay?" Johnny looked back and forth between Mike and Roy.

Neither one of them answered.

E

Within just a few minutes all the members of Station 51s A shift was standing in front of the engine for roll call. Captain Stanley walked past the line of men, looking at each one. He stopped in front of Mike, "Good to have you back, Stoker."

"Good to be back, Cap," Mike said smiling.

"Alright men, the tower is free so I want us hanging hoses today. If we don't get called out, my goal is to hang 800 feet before lunch time. So let's get cracking." Captain Stanley moved to go back into his office and Mike followed him.

"Hey, Cap," Mike called from the doorway of his office. "Can I speak to you for a few minutes?"

"Sure, Mike, c'mon in," Captain Stanley took a seat and looked at his Engineer. Captain Stanley was relieved that Mike and Johnny had worked out their issues, he didn't want to lose either man from his team.

"I wanted to talk to you about Ashley," Mike said as he moved toward the desk.

"Oh," Captain Stanley leaned back in his chair.

"I know she really screwed up on that last run, but she did have a lot of issues going on that day, and she did rescue Johnny," Mike started out.

"Mike," Captain Stanley started to interrupt.

"Hear me out, Cap," Mike said. "She still has a few months left on her approved time to be here functioning as a paramedic. I know what she did was wrong, but I think she does have what it takes to be a firefighter. Will you please at least consider letting her come back to finish out her time, and maybe consider endorsing her for admission to the fire academy?"

"Mike, I'm not sure I can bring her back to finish the six months. The reason she was here is no longer valid, North Carolina isn't waiting on her recommendations," Captain Stanley said.

He stood up and turned his back to Mike for a moment. "Beyond that Mike," Captain Stanley said turning back around, "I'm not sure she belongs here. I know she had extenuating circumstances, and I do feel bad for her, I really do. But, Ashley is not my only priority. Keeping all of you safe is my concern and I'm not convinced her recklessness will change because of all of this."

"Cap, have you talked to her since that night?" Mike asked.

"No. I have stopped by a few times to check on her, but I am not on the approved visitor list. Dr. Baker did meet with me and told me she didn't think Ashley seeing me right now was a good idea," Captain Stanley put his hands in his pockets.

"Cap, call Dr. Baker and see if you can talk to her. At least keep an open mind to see how she is doing now. She needs to have hope in the future. Being a firefighter/paramedic would be a huge step in getting her life back on track. If you…"

Captain Stanley cut off Mike, "You're still trying to rescue her Mike. She hasn't asked to see me. Did she tell you she wanted to come back? Or are you trying to arrange things for her, that you think would be best for her?"

Mike ran a hand over his chin and down his neck, "I'm not sure I'm ever going to not feel some level of responsibility for her Cap. But, it's more than that. I want her to stay in the area. I don't want to lose her again."

"There are other ways to get a girl to stay somewhere Mike; in fact, they are usually more permanent than just a job," Captain Stanley smiled at his Engineer.

Mike blushed, "Regardless of whether or not I was responsible for Maddie's death, I feel a responsibility to look out for Ashley. I want her to be safe and happy."

Mike blew out a breath, and took the plunge, "Cap, please go see Ashley, if for no other reason than because I'm asking you, and you are doing it for me."

"You're asking a lot, Mike."

"I know. It's that important to me," Mike held his Captain's gaze.

The Klaxons sounded, "I'll think about it," Captain Stanley said as he moved to the mic and Mike headed toward the engine. The station was being called out to a house fire.

E

The Squad and Engine pulled up to a two story home with flames visible at the front windows. As Captain Stanley got out of the engine a neighbor ran over to him. "I haven't seen the family. The dad left for work this morning, but the wife and two kids are still in the house," she screamed pulling at his arm.

Captain Stanley untangled himself from the woman's grasp and moved toward Johnny and Roy who were slipping on their turnouts. "Neighbor says we have a mom and two kids in the house," Captain Stanley said to the two men. He raised the H-T to call in a second alarm. Mike moved to work the gauges on the engine while Marco and Chet positioned two lines at the door of the house.

Johnny moved in behind Chet and Roy behind Marco as they entered the structure. The two teams split upon entry into the house making a quick sweep of the lower level. When they found no signs of the family Johnny and Roy moved to make their way up the stairs. So far the flames seemed to be confined to the bottom floor. At the top of the stairs Roy moved off to the right finding two children's bedrooms. Johnny moved to the left clearing a bathroom and master bedroom. The smoke was thick on the second floor and they knew they needed to work fast.

Roy quickly scanned the first bedroom checking the closet and under the bed. He moved to the second bedroom which was locked when he tried the door knob. He removed his glove and felt over the top of the door frame for a key. Nothing. He placed his hand on the door, it was not hot. He slipped the glove back on and took a step back. A swift kick popped the lock and caused the door to swing open. Smoke came pouring out of the room into the hallway as Roy moved into the room. A mother and two children lay on the floor near the window. A small rope ladder lay tangled on the floor. "Johnny, in here!"

Roy opened the window and leaned out, "Hey, Cap, we need a ladder over here." Roy pulled back into the room and knelt down near the family. Johnny joined him and quickly took in the scene.

Captain Stanley appeared at the window. Roy picked up the little girl and helped Captain Stanley get her positioned over his shoulder. He started making his way down the ladder. Roy moved out the window and secured his footing on the ladder. Johnny helped get the young boy over his shoulder. Captain Stanley waited at the bottom as Roy made his way down. Then he quickly ascended the ladder again to take out the mother.

Roy had taken the vitals for both children when Johnny joined him near the squad. He was moving to start checking the mom so Johnny connected the biophone. "Rampart, this is squad 51, how do you read?"

"Go ahead 51," Dr. Morton's voice came across.

"Rampart, we have 3 victims of apparent smoke inhalation from a house fire," Johnny started relaying the information. The men worked quickly getting oxygen on the victims and starting IVs per Rampart's instructions. As the ambulance was pulling up the kids were starting to come around. The mother was still unconscious, but her vital signs were improving. They loaded both kids into one ambulance with Roy and Johnny climbed into the second ambulance with the mother. Chet would drive the squad to the hospital once the fire was under control.

E

Tina leaned against the desk and took a careful sip of the hot coffee. "How come the Emergency department has better coffee than anyone else?"

Dixie smiled, "We need it more than anyone else."

Tina laughed. She looked toward the door the same time Dixie did. Roy was walking next to one of two gurneys carrying young children. Dixie quickly moved to help. Dr. Morton opened the door to exit Treatment Room 1, but just held the door as he saw Roy in the hallway. "Joe," he called out to the grey haired doctor down the hall, "the mother should be coming in momentarily."

"Put the mom in Treatment Room 2," Dixie said entering Treatment Room 1 behind the second gurney.

Just a few seconds later, Johnny rounded the corner with the now conscious mother who was quite upset about not being able to see her children. Johnny and Dr. Early entered the treatment room.

"Johnny," Tina called to the young paramedic as he exited the treatment room a few minutes later.

He smiled at her and made his way toward the nursing station. Tina handed him the cup of coffee she had poured. "Thanks," he said.

Roy joined them a few minutes later.

"Roy, this is Tina, she's Ashley's nurse," Johnny made the introductions.

"Hi, nice to meet you," Roy stretched out his hand.

Tina looked around, "Is Mike here?"

Johnny smiled, "No, he doesn't come to the hospital."

"Your patients going to be okay?" Tina nodded toward the treatment rooms.

"Yeah, just some smoke inhalation. Everyone's conscious already," Roy took a drink of the coffee and made a face. "Needs sugar," he said.

Tina smiled, "I had better get back upstairs."

"Will you tell Ashley I said hi," Johnny said.

"Tell her we both said hi, and we will stop by to see her tomorrow," Roy added.

"Will do," Tina said as she moved toward the elevator.

"Hey Tina," Johnny called out. "Do you want me to tell Mike you said hi?"

Tina blushed and Johnny gave her a full blown crooked grin. She stepped on the elevator as Roy looked over at Johnny, "What was that about?"

"I think she has a bit of a crush on Mike," Johnny said smiling.

"Mike? What about Ashley?" Roy asked.

"What about Ashley?" Johnny looked over at Roy a puzzled expression on his face.

"They have known each other for years, he has been taking her out most nights since she got here. You saw how upset he got over all this stuff with her. I just figured they'd end up together," Roy said.

"Mike and Ashley?" Johnny looked surprised.

"Sure, why not?" Roy put down the cup of coffee and started heading toward the exit.

Johnny knitted his brows together and started to follow Roy. "I guess I just never thought of them together," Johnny said as they exited the hospital and climbed into the squad.

"Squad 51 available," Roy said into the mic.

"Squad 51, hold for assignment," came back the response from L.A.

Johnny and Roy spent most of the day on one run after another. It was well past dinner time when they finally pulled back into the station for longer than a few minutes.

"Food is in the oven," Mike said as they entered the day room. He drained the water in the sink having just finished washing the dishes. Marco was finishing drying and Roy and Johnny grabbed plates to starting dishing dinner.

The phone rang and Captain Stanley got up to answer it as Johnny and Roy took a seat at the table. "Well, hello, Ashley, how are you?" Captain Stanley said and all the men turned to look at him.

"I'm doing well. We've had a busy day, but right now everyone is here and settling in for what we are hoping is a quiet evening," Captain Stanley paused listening to Ashley on the other line. "Well, uh, yes, yes, I guess I can do that," he said.

"Okay, Ashley, I will see you tomorrow," Captain Stanley put his hand over the receiver. "Mike, she wants to talk to you. You can take it in my office so you have a little privacy," Captain Stanley said.

Johnny watched as Mike left the dayroom and headed toward the Captain's office. He thought back to what Roy said, if Mike needed privacy to talk to Ashley maybe there was something to what Roy said earlier. He could have sworn he picked up something between Mike and Tina. Johnny shook his head; he was terrible about reading signals.

Captain Stanley took a seat at the table and leaned back in his chair. "You okay, Cap?" Roy asked.

"Ashley said Dr. Baker wants me to meet with them tomorrow," Captain Stanley ran a hand through his hair.

"She's doin' really good, Cap," Johnny said with food in his mouth.

Captain Stanley shook his head, his junior paramedic had the worst table manners. "Mike asked me to let her come back. Asked me to consider recommending her to the fire academy," Captain Stanley looked down and flexed his hands.

"Are you thinkin' about it?" Roy asked.

"I'm not even sure it would be an option if I was," Captain Stanley rubbed his hands over his face. "Whaddya you guys think?"

"It was really nice working with her," Roy said.

"She's good, Cap," Johnny said. "She's a real fine paramedic; but I think she'd be a good firefighter too."

Captain Stanley looked up at Johnny surprised, "You're sayin' I should recommend her for the fire academy?"

"She saved my life," Johnny said remembering watching her jump from the platform to where he was dangling from the staircase. "She's smart, and gutsy. Once she gets past her issues, I think she could do a really good job."

Captain Stanley looked at his two paramedics, between them and Mike, Captain started to feel a bit outnumbered. "We'll see," he said.

E

"Sorry to keep you waiting. It has been a very busy morning; but I guess you of all people understand that kind of thing," Dr. Baker said rushing into her office.

Captain Stanley stood as she entered the room and she smiled at his chivalry. So many men never bothered with what they considered to be "old fashioned" manners. Personally, she missed the days when a man stood because a woman walked into the room, or automatically held the door for her.

"Mr. Stanley, thank you for coming in," Dr. Baker extended her hand.

"Please, call me Hank," he shook her hand and waited until she was seated behind the desk before he returned to his seat.

"Hank," Dr. Baker started. "I'm not expecting this to be a long meeting. Ashley really just wants the opportunity to tell you how sorry she is for her behavior. I think she is accepting the fact that she won't be able to be a fire fighter or paramedic anymore; but she still wants to apologize."

Captain Stanley dropped his head, "Mike, Johnny and Roy are all asking me to let her finish her six months with us and recommend her for admission to the fire academy."

Dr. Baker raised her eyebrows.

"Do you think Ashley is going to be able to curb this reckless streak; after she finishes therapy? Do you think she will be strong enough, emotionally I mean, to work as a fire fighter?" Captain Stanley leaned forward.

Dr. Baker steepled her hands in front of her face, fingers against her lips. "Hank, Ashley is doing incredibly well in developing insight into her situation. She has exhibited good reflection and is learning coping mechanisms to deal with stress. Technically, she will be better equipped than most firemen, as she will have strategies in place for coping with all the emotions that come with what you face every shift. But, no one can predict what would happen the first time she was faced with one of those situations. She has the skills to handle it well, but sometimes our emotions override our logic."

"Do you think I should consider recommending her for the fire academy?"

"I can't answer that," Dr. Baker said. "That is completely out of my wheelhouse."

Hank rubbed his eyes.

"Are you ready to see Ashley?"

"No," Captain Stanley said standing to his feet.

Dr. Baker laughed and stood up to lead him to the treatment room where Ashley was waiting.

Ashley was standing staring at the doorway waiting for Captain Stanley.

"Hello, Ashley," Captain Stanley said as he walked in the door.

"Captain, uh, Mr.; I'm not sure what to call you now?" Ashley stammered.

"Captain is still fine," Captain Stanley smiled at her, she looked as nervous as she had her first day at the station.

Ashley sat down and Captain Stanley chose a chair directly across from her. "I don't want to take a lot of your free time, Cap. I just wanted to take a minute and personally tell you how sorry I am for my behavior."

"What exactly are you sorry for Ashley?" Captain Stanley narrowed his eyes as he looked at the young woman. Her eyes seemed clearer, her expression more serene than he had ever seen.

"For letting my issues endanger my co-workers. For disobeying you, for acting on my own without consulting you. For generally acting like a twit," Ashley smiled using Captain Stanley's favorite term for the men when they were irritating him.

Captain Stanley dipped his head trying to hide his smile. "What would you have done differently?"

"That day with Johnny," Ashley remembered the emotions she felt when she heard Johnny was in trouble. "I should have gone to you. I should have told you I had memorized the blue print and knew how to get to Johnny. I should have let you take in all the key players and make a decision. I should have trusted you to do what was best for your men. I should have trusted you," Ashley reiterated looking Captain Stanley directly in the eye.

"Why didn't you trust me?"

"Captain Haggerty was my first experience with a Captain. When I told him about the…," Ashley paused. "Situation with the men, he turned on me. Told me it was just hazing a new Boot and I was just too sensitive because I was a woman. He told me I was a distraction to his men and that I put them at risk. He told me it was my fault," Ashley looked down at her hands.

Captain Stanley flexed his hand and bit back a curse, "I'm sorry that you were treated that way. But, I am not Captain Haggerty. I think I tried to show you that you could trust me."

"So did Fire Chief Danbury," Ashley said with sarcasm in her voice. "In the beginning he was so encouraging. Telling me that he believed women could be good firefighters. He would stop by to see me when I was doing the early training for admission to the academy. Would send me congratulation cards when I passed tests. Told me that he was always there when I needed him."

Ashley stood up and began to pace the room, "When I reported the, the situation, Fire Chief Danbury cut me off. He didn't back me up, he just came up with a plan to get rid of me."

"Ashley, why do you keep calling the attack, the situation?" Captain Stanley asked standing up and moving toward the young woman.

"I felt like it was an attack, they said it was a hazing. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. These are firemen, men that are supposed to keep people safe. Men that risk their lives every shift to protect others. It felt like an attack, I want it to be a terrible choice for a hazing. Since I hate to believe one, and don't believe the other; I have chosen to say situation," Ashley turned around to find Captain Stanley standing right next to her.

Tears stung her eyes as she met his gaze. "You can trust me, Ashley," Captain Stanley said putting a hand on her arm.

"I know that now, Captain Stanley. I just wish I had figured it out before I threw everything away."

"Life has a way of working out the way it was supposed to, Ashley," Captain Stanley said cryptically.

Captain Stanley turned to leave, but stopped and turned back around, "Ashley, do you still want to be a firefighter?"

"I don't know," Ashley answered honestly. "I love the paramedic work; I really would love to stay working as a paramedic. Some hospitals are starting to have paramedics work out of their emergency rooms. I signed up to be a firefighter because I was trying to prove I was brave. I have been trying so hard to be the person I thought I needed to be for Maddie, I need to figure out what I really want. I think being a firefighter is part of that, but I am not 100% positive yet."

Captain Stanley looked at Ashley. What she said sounded good; but he also thought of Dr. Baker's word of caution that no one knew how she would respond in a crisis was still clear in his mind. Captain Stanley started telling Ashley some of the runs they had been on the last several weeks. They spent several more minutes chatting about nothing in particular. As Captain Stanley was leaving he decided he needed to make some phone calls.


	16. Chapter 16

"So, today is your last day, are you ready to go?" Tina asked entering Ashley's room.

"I don't know," Ashely said. "It's weird. Part of me cannot wait to get out of here and get back to my own apartment and start living my life. Part of me is terrified to leave here, I'm afraid of what tomorrow holds, and the next day, and the day after that."

"Well, I can tell you what tomorrow holds and that is me driving you home and helping make sure you get settled in. The day after that you promised to help Joanne get ready for the picnic which is the day after that. After that, you'll take it day by day," Tina said sitting down on Ashley's bed.

"Will I still see you?" Ashley asked nervously.

"Of course," Tina smiled at her. "I hope we have become friends this last month. You've at least become a friend to me."

"Will you go with me to Roy's picnic? I'm sure Mike wouldn't mind picking you up too," Ashley looked hopefully at Tina.

"Sure, I'd love too," Tina said. She hesitated and then asked Ashley a question she had wondered about for the last week, "Do you think you and Mike will start dating when you get out?"

Ashley saw Tina's faint blush and smiled, "You have a crush on him."

"No, no, nothing like that," Tina tried shaking her head, but Ashley wasn't buying it.

"Give it up, Tina. You were right, we have become friends this month and I can tell you have a crush. I think Mike does too," Ashley smiled as Tina looked up at her, hope in her eyes.

"You don't mind?"

Ashley laughed, "I love Mike, he will always be a very special part of my life. But, Mike will always be Maddie's boyfriend to me." Ashley touched Tina's hand, "I want him to find someone special to spend his life with, I know Maddie's gone and he deserves to find someone who will make him happy. I also need that person to be okay with me being in Mike's life. I think you are the perfect solution."

"I'm not planning forever, I'm just thinking dinner," Tina tried to laugh off the seriousness of the conversation.

"Mike's a good looking guy; I'm betting you have thought about more than dinner," Ashley teased watching Tina's blush deepen.

Ashley and Tina were still laughing when Mike knocked on the doorframe, "What did I miss?"

Tina turned even more red and Ashley let out another peel of laughter. Tina stood up, "I need to get back to work."

Mike stopped her before she could slide past him in the doorway, "Thank you for volunteering to drive Ashley home tomorrow. I cannot believe her discharge fell on a day we are on shift. I could have traded, but I wanted to be free for the picnic."

"It's not a problem," Tina smiled.

Mike watched her walk away and then moved over to sit with Ashley on the bed.

"How ya doin'?"

"Nervous, excited, a little scared," Ashley said.

Mike reached over and took her hand, "You have so many people here for you. You are not alone in any of this."

Ashley smiled and moved over closer to him so she could rest her head on his shoulder. She thought about Tina and smiled, at least if he started dating Tina she wouldn't lose the closeness they shared. Tina wouldn't be threatened by their friendship. "I invited Tina to the picnic on Saturday, do you think Joanne will mind?"

"Not at all, I'm glad you asked her, I was thinking about doing that myself," Mike said.

Ashley looked up at him, "Would you mind picking her up?"

Mike shook his head.

Ashley smiled. "What?" Mike asked.

"Nothing," she said shaking her head. They were going to be so cute together, she thought.

"I have a surprise for you," Mike said looking at his watch.

'You do?"

"Come with me," Mike stood up and held out his hand.

Ashley took his hand and let him pull her off the bed. He walked her down the hallway toward the group therapy room. The door was closed and he stood off to the side so she could open it. As she entered the room Captain Stanley, Chet, Marco, Johnny, Roy and Joanne all stood up. Ashley looked back at Mike, and then back at all the guys.

"Oh my gosh! You're all here," Ashley moved forward and gave Captain Stanley a quick hug. "Chet, it is so good to see you." She moved toward Chet and gave him a quick hug.

"Hola, Marco," Ashley hugged him and turned to Johnny. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. "Johnny," Ashley gave him a tight squeeze.

"Joanne, thank you for coming," Ashley paused, but Joanne reached out and hugged her.

She paused in front of Roy and looked at Joanne. She reached out her hand, Roy took her hand and pulled her in and gave her a hug. "It's good to see you, Ashley."

"You too, Roy," Ashley smiled at him and then looked at Joanne and mouthed "thank you".

"I am so happy you are all here, but I am seeing you at the picnic on Saturday. Without trying to sound rude; why are you all here?" Ashley asked.

"Have a seat, Ashley," Captain Stanley took her arm and led her to a nearby chair.

Ashley felt a wave of nervousness wash over her, and she met Captain Stanley's eyes. He smiled at her, "Trust me," he said.

She smiled back and sat down in the chair as he requested, feeling herself relax.

The guys all sat down and looked at Ashley, she looked back waiting for one of them to say something. Captain Stanley cleared his throat. "Ashley, I spoke to Headquarters. They have agreed to let you finish your six-month assignment as a paramedic with Station 51s A Shift."

"Are you serious?" Ashley looked at Captain Stanley.

He smiled and nodded. Ashley jumped up, Captain Stanley stood and she practically knocked him over with her exuberant hug. The guys started clapping. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Ashley said pulling back, but she quickly hugged him again.

"Your welcome," Captain Stanly smiled and waited for her to sit back down before he continued. "Johnny and Roy both agreed you are really good and it would be a shame to lose you. I was also clear with headquarters that we would be working with you so you can apply for the next class at the Fire Academy."

"What?" Ashley looked shocked.

"I'm gonna help you work with the hoses," Marco said. "I will get you comfortable carrying them up stairs, laying them out, advancing hoses around obstacles, and moving them in confined spaces. I'll also show you how to hang hoses on the tower."

"I'm gonna help you work with ladders. I'm a bit closer to your height than some of the other guys so I can help you learn how to maneuver the ladders when you are not six feet tall," Chet smiled at her.

"I'm going to teach you everything you need to know about climbing," Johnny said. "We'll work on not only climbing down the ladder carrying a victim, but how to climb up some of the crazy structures Roy and I've had to climb. Plus, I'll work with you on repelling down buildings, mountains, any environment I can think of to help you be prepared," Johnny smiled at her. "Be prepared for some road trips," he winked at her.

"I'll show you how to work water rescues and confined spaces. We will spend some time learning how to remove a victim from some pretty tight spots while dealing with debris, smoke and fire. I'll also help you learn how to deal with needing to carry people out that are twice your size," Roy said.

"You and I are going to work on your endurance," Mike said not to be left out. "Get ready for some early morning runs, we start 5 miles the day of Roy's picnic. I'm also gonna run you up and down a ton of stairs. We'll spend time lifting weights at the gym too, get your physical strength up to par."

"Since I'm the Captain, you and I are going to work on the classroom aspects of the job. I'll teach you everything you need to know about examining a fire and knowing what obstacles you need to be aware of before you ever enter a building. I'll teach you how to think through the possible consequences of every action you make," Captain Stanley rounded out the necessary training.

"I'll make sure you get some time to rest and get a manicure," Joanne said. "So you don't forget you're still a girl," Joanne smiled at her.

Ashley looked at each of them dumbfounded. She couldn't even begin to form a thought this was all so unexpected.

They guys sat there looking at Ashley waiting for her to say something. After a few seconds of silence, Mike laughed. "Have we really left you speechless?"

"I, uh, I," Ashley stammered. "What happens if I decide I don't want to be a firefighter?"

"Then, you will be in great shape and be able to understand and empathize with everything we talk to you about," Johnny answered.

"If you do decide you want to stay with the fire department Ashley you want to be able to apply for the next class. They will be reviewing applications in 3 months. If it is even a possibility, you need to start training now," Captain Stanley said. "But, Johnny's right, if you decide not to do it, you won't really have lost anything."

Ashley looked down for a minute. When she looked up, tears glistened in her eyes, "Thank you, all of you," Ashley said.

"I don't even know what to say. I have never had anyone do anything like this for me," Ashley wiped at a tear as it fell down her cheek.

Joanne stood up and walked over to Ashley giving her a hug. "C'mon guys, this requires a group hug."

The guys all obeyed Joanne and circled around Ashley.

"I promise, I won't let you down," Ashley said as the men stepped back.

"You could never let us down," Mike and Johnny said simultaneously.

Ashley wrapped an arm around each of them and gave them a squeeze. The group stayed and chatted a few minutes longer finalizing details for the picnic at Roy's house on Saturday. Marco agreed to bring his famous guacamole. Chet was going to bring drinks, both for the adults and kids. Ashley made sure Joanne was okay with the fact she had invited Tina. It was decided Captain Stanley would bring over his volleyball net so they could play volleyball. Marco and Chet were both brining dates; so it was going to be a pretty good sized crowd.

As everyone prepared to leave Ashley pulled Captain Stanley aside, "I don't know how to thank you for giving me this second chance. Not only for helping me try to get into the fire academy; but letting me come back and finish my few months as a paramedic."

"I told you to trust me Ashley. In order for you to do that I need to prove to you that I am worthy of being trusted," Captain Stanley put his hands in his pocket. "I hope moving forward you learn to look to me for guidance and trust where I direct you."

"I will," Ashley said meeting his eyes.

Mike stopped and gave her a hug. "I will pick you up at 11:00 AM for the picnic. Will you get directions to Tina's house and we will pick her up next?"

"I will. Thank you for everything, Mike."

Johnny hung back from the group. Chet turned, "Hurry up, Gage, before they realize you should be kept here," he said.

Roy put his hand on Chet's shoulder and moved him out the door, "Let's go, Kelly. Johnny has some unfinished business to take care of." Roy looked at Joanne and she smiled at him knowing she had helped arrange that unfinished business.

Ashley watched the men and Joanne filter out of the room and turned to see Johnny still standing behind the couch. She cocked her head and looked at him inquisitively.

"I have another surprise for you," Johnny smiled at her.

"Another one? I'll be honest, I'm not sure I can handle any more surprises," Ashley smiled at him.

"I think you'll like this one," Johnny leaned down and pulled a box wrapped in pink floral paper with a giant pink bow from behind the couch. "Joanne wrapped it," he explained.

Ashley laughed and moved to sit down in the chair she had occupied earlier. Johnny carried over the package and set it on her lap, taking a seat in the chair the Captain had sat in earlier so he could be closer to her.

Ashley carefully slid the bow off the box and ran a finger under the tape so as not to rip the pretty paper. She lifted the top off the box and moved back the tissue paper. She let out a gasp. A pink cashmere sweater was folded neatly in the box. An exact replica of the sweater Johnny had cut through in the ambulance to save her life.

"Joanne helped me find it. You said it was your favorite and I hated that I had destroyed it," Johnny was watching her face, unable to read her facial expressions.

Ashley blinked her eyes several times the emotions overwhelming her. "That was so sweet," Ashley whispered.

"I wanted to give you back something that you had lost," Johnny said, the intensity of his own emotions surprising him.

She carefully set the box on the floor and stood up. Johnny stood as she did. She moved toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She stood up on her tip toes and kissed him softly on the lips. Johnny tightened his hold when she would have stepped back keeping her close to him. His eyes met hers. A knock on the door caused the both to jump back.

"Ashley," Tina called as she entered the room. Tina knew immediately that she had lousy timing. "Dr. Baker wanted me to come and find you. It's time for your one on one session for the day."

"Oh, um, yeah, sure," Ashley stumbled her blush deepening as Tina looked at her and Johnny. She moved to pick up the box with the sweater. She turned to look at Johnny suddenly feeling shy. "Uh, thank you again, Johnny. This, this was really very sweet," Ashley kept her eyes on the sweater. "I, uh, I'll see you at the picnic?" She dared raise her eyes to meet his gaze.

Johnny looked embarrassed as well, "Uh, yeah, I'll see you then." Johnny started to move past her and then stopped; he put his hand on her arm and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

Tina waited until Johnny had exited the room and then moved over to stand next to Ashley. "I am so sorry," she said. "Did I just interrupt something important?"

Ashley felt her blush deepen, "He gave me a sweater to replace the one he had to cut in the ambulance when he needed to defibrillate."

"What a sweetheart," Tina reached over and touched the sweater. "Wow, that is so soft. That had to cost him a pretty penny," Tina said.

"Yeah, I know how much it cost me when I bought it. I just can't believe he did this," Ashley ran her fingers over the soft fabric.

"I'll put it in your room for you while you meet with Dr. Baker," Tina offered.

"Thanks," Ashley reluctantly let go of the box and headed for her session.

E

"Joanne do you want me to try to move these picnic tables over near the trees?" Ashley asked looking at the picnic tables and where Joanne had said she wanted to have the food spread out.

"No, we can leave that for Roy, he should be up soon," Joanne looked at her watch and it was almost 5:00 PM. Roy had gotten home a just before 10:30 AM that morning, a factory fire having kept him out most of the night. He had told Joanne he needed a few hours sleep, but would help her that afternoon.

Ashley had arrived shortly after Roy had gone to bed to help Joanne with making some of the side dishes. They had made potato salad and fruit salad. Baked beans were ready to go in the oven tomorrow. The cookies were cooling on the counter and they would let Chris and Jennifer decorate them after dinner. Now they were working on cleaning up the backyard.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Joanne asked Ashley.

"If you are sure it wouldn't be an imposition," Ashley said.

"No, we have plenty of food. In fact, I had wanted to grill salmon, but I have never done that before so you can help me experiment," Joanne laughed.

"I'm pretty good with a grill. I bet between the two of us we can figure it out."

"Do you feel comfortable getting the grill started?" Joanne asked.

"Sure."

"Okay, you start the grill and I will go get the fish ready," Joanne moved toward the back door.

Ashley walked up onto the deck and over to the grill. She found the charcoal and lighter fluid and was just about to strike the match when she heard Mike's voice calling out, "Hey, Roy, you back here?" Mike and Johnny rounded the corner of the house.

"Hey, guys," Ashley said. "Roy should be out soon."

"What are you doin' here?" Mike asked.

"I was helping Joanne get ready for tomorrow and she invited me to dinner. We are going to attempt to grill salmon," Ashley struck the match.

Johnny leaned over and blew it out before she could light the charcoal.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"You have your charcoal set up all wrong," Johnny explained. If you want to get this going well you need to pyramid the charcoal. Johnny started adjusting the briquettes.

"Then, you need to get them nice and white before you put the fish on the grill," Mike added moving over and taking the matches from Ashley.

She just smiled and sat down at the patio table watching them fussing with each other over the proper way to stack the charcoal.

Roy came out carrying the fish followed by Joanne who rolled her eyes at the site of Mike and Johnny at the grill. "Roy just took over the salmon from me, he said I wasn't getting the foil correct," Joanne laughed and she sat down next to Ashley.

"So they can cook us dinner," Ashley smiled at her.

As the guys got the fish on the grill Ashley and Joanne went into the kitchen to make a salad and roasted potatoes. The kids joined them wanting to decorate cookies. "As soon as you finish eating dinner you can decorate cookies," Joanne told them.

After dinner Ashley helped Joanne get the kids set up with plastic knives and frosting. Then they carried out cups of coffee to the deck to sit with the guys and enjoy the remainder of the setting sun.

"Ashley, I have tickets to the air show next week; want to go with me?" Mike asked.

Ashley gave him an irritated look and shook her head no.

"Why?" Mike asked confused.

"Why are you asking me? When are you going to ask Tina out?"

Mike blushed, "What?"

"Michael Stoker do not play dumb with me," Ashley pointed her finger at him. "What is it with guys? You like her, she likes you; what are you waiting for?"

"I knew there was something goin' on between Mike and Tina," Johnny said pointing at Roy. "You told me I was crazy, that he and Ashley…" Johnny let his voice trail off.

Ashley looked over at Johnny and then at Roy, "Why would you think Mike and I would be a couple?"

"I, I mean, I didn't, I," Roy stumbled over his words.

Mike just laughed, "Because I act like your boyfriend. Watching out for you, taking you to dinner, worrying about you."

"And I hope you never stop," Ashley smiled at him. "But that is why Tina is perfect, she won't feel threatened by our relationship. You need to date someone who is going to be comfortable with our relationship, and that I like," Ashley teased Mike.

"Just so you remember I get veto power on anyone you date," Mike said with a stern face.

Ashley just laughed.

"So, if you aren't going to the air show with Mike next week it means we can get in a day of climbing," Johnny said. "How about the next day off after the picnic. We can head out to some hiking areas and work on climbing steep terrains."

"Just don't hurt me, Johnny Gage," Ashley teased him.

Johnny gave her a very serious look, "If you fall, I promise to catch you."

Ashley turned as she felt someone tugging on her shirt. She looked over and found Jennifer DeSoto standing next to her, her hand pulling on the edge of her shirt.

"What is your name again?" Jennifer asked.

"Ashley."

"Ashley, will you play Barbie's with me?" Jennifer asked.

Joanne interrupted, "Not tonight, Jennifer. You and Chris need to brush your teeth and get ready for bed."

Jennifer started to pout. Ashley quickly stepped in to help avoid a scene, "I'll tell you what Jennifer. You do what your mom tells you tonight and tomorrow first thing when I get here we can play Barbie's."

"Okay," Jennifer's face lit up.

Chris had just come out and heard the exchange, "Uncle Johnny, will you help me practice catching?"

"Same deal as Ashley just made with Jennifer. You do what your mom tells you tonight and first thing tomorrow we can play catch," Johnny said.

"We should get going," Mike said standing up.

"Uh, first you guys need to go move those picnic tables for Joanne. She wants then under those trees," Ashley pointed to the picnic tables.

"So now you're the boss," Mike teased her.

"Absolutely. But, to show you how nice a boss I am, if you go do this I will drive Johnny home so you can get home and call Tina."

"What do I get out of this," Johnny asked.

"You mean beyond the joys of my company for a few extra minutes?" Ashley joked.

"Mike's getting a date," Johnny arched his eyebrows and pretended to pout.

Ashley laughed, "Fine, I'll let you drive my car to your apartment."

Johnny jumped over the deck rail, "Let's go Mike; we gotta move these picnic tables."

E

Mike picked up Ashley at exactly 11:00 AM. "So, did you call Tina last night?" Ashley asked as she got in the truck.

"Yes, I did," Mike said.

"And?"

"She agreed to go to the air show with me," Mike said.

"That's it, no details?" Ashley asked.

Mike blushed, "It was a good conversation and I'm leaving it at that."

"You know she'll give me all the dirt, right?"

Mike just smiled and continued to drive.

When they arrived at Tina's, Ashley slid out so Tina could sit in the middle next to Mike. She noticed that Tina let her hand rest on Mike's thigh as he drove. It must have been a pretty good conversation, Ashley thought.

As they pulled up to Roy and Joanne's house Ashley saw Johnny throwing the baseball back and forth with Chris, keeping his promise from the night before. Jennifer stood near the driveway waiting for her, two Barbie dolls in her hands.

Ashley stepped out of the truck and quickly made her way over to the little girl. Jennifer grabbed her hand and dragged her over to her Barbie dream house set up. Ashley knelt down and began to follow Jennifer's lead in the story she had built about her Barbie family.

It was almost an hour before Roy called everyone together to start eating lunch. Marco introduced Ashley to his date Linda and she met Chet's date, Karen. Lunch was a noisy event filled with laughter and stories, each more outrageous than the last. Johnny told the one about her having to get the boy out of swimming pool, and had everyone in stitches. Ashley just rolled her eyes, she was never going to live that story down.

After lunch Captain Stanley and his wife recruited Marco, Chet and their dates for a game of volleyball. "C'mon Mike, we need two more players," Captain Stanley called over his shoulder. Roy watched as Mike held out his hand and pulled Tina out of her chair. They held hands as they walked toward the volleyball net.

"Penny for your thoughts," Joanne said to her husband watching his expressions as Mike and Tina walked away.

"I like Tina, and I think her and Mike are actually good together, but I feel bad for Ashley. I really was hoping she would find a family," Roy said.

Joanne turned around and leaned back against the edge of the picnic table. "I wouldn't worry about Ashley," she said.

Roy turned around to take in the scene his wife was observing. Johnny, Ashley and his kids, Chris and Jennifer were playing a game of football.

Johnny pretended to fumble the football in front of Jennifer, she squealed as she picked it up. "Aunt Ashley, catch," Jennifer threw the football and by some miracle Ashley managed to catch it before it hit the ground again. Roy raised his eyebrows at his daughter assigning the title of Aunt to Ashley.

"Get her, Uncle Johnny," Chris yelled as Ashley caught the ball.

Ashley made it about two steps before Johnny wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up off the ground spinning her in a circle. "Foul," Ashley cried out.

He carefully took them both to the ground. "Tickle her," he called out to the kids.

Jennifer and Chris quickly ran over to pile on top of Johnny and Ashley, joining Johnny who was already tickling Ashley's side. Ashley's laughter filled the air.

"Johnny and Ashley?" Roy looked at his wife.

"I don't know," Joanne shrugged. "But, that looks an awful lot like family to me; don't you think?" Joanne asked Roy.

Roy watched as Ashley tried to convince the kids to tickle Uncle Johnny instead of her and was awarded with a fresh batch of tickling from Johnny and the kids.

"I think it looks like a good idea," Roy said with a smirk.

Joanne looked at her husband out of the corner of her eye. "Roy," she raised a finger in warning.

Roy reached over and gave Joanne's side a little tickle. She turned to run, but didn't even make a full step before Roy grabbed her by the waist, as Johnny had just done to Ashley, and took her to the ground. "Life is very good," Roy said as he forgot about tickling his wife and instead dropped his head to give her a lingering kiss.

The End.


End file.
